Stale Contracts/New Adventures

Fall (or "cultural fall" at least) is soon to be here. With a change of seasons, there is always a moment to pause and think about how we are doing, and how we want to be doing. To contemplate if our lives are "bringing us joy" or if they are rooted in "fill in your mantra" (My mantra, taken from Captain Cold, is "make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan")

Wentworth Miller wrote some wisdom (on Instagram) that seems to run in parallel with this seasonal self reflection that many of us are undertaking right now. (Randomly one of the commenters on Wentworth's post said "Stale Contracts" sounds like a band's name, so it became the title for my post today, in case you wondered LOL) 

Some of Wentworth's wisdom included: (Emphasis added by me)

... People fear change, want things (you) to remain As They (You) Are. Plead to extend the contract, stale or not.

Me: "I have nothing new to say to you." Them: "Then say nothing new! We'll dust off the old scripts, read them out loud! I still remember my lines!" ....

... My most sacred contracts are with me, not others. "How long am I going to pretend/perform/punish/fake/ache/tolerate/hold space for (whatever)? Am I honoring my contract? In breach? Maybe I need a new one! I'll write the old one down, burn it in the driveway. How will we part? As friends? Enemies? With a kiss on the cheek or a foot up the ass?"

Is it me or are Major Contracts coming up across the board right now? For all of us? (I have opinions.) Will we be fluid + flexible? Or go kicking + screaming? (I have opinions.)

I guess it depends whether we believe new contracts are on offer, that we're not trapped in the old ones ad infinitum.

Take a moment to decide. I'll be waiting in the car.

This is a good time to consider what contracts you hold with yourself and if those contracts are still serving you. 

This might look like saying goodbye to a goal that is no longer important to you. You always wanted to be "a doctor and a lawyer and a chemical engineer on my weekends" but now discovered you would rather be an artist, or a baker, or candlestick maker. Or you were working towards a marathon but have discovered you really don't like running and would rather kick box or do yoga. 

It might look like adding a practice so that you can be a better best friend to yourself. In my case this means thinking about if everything on my daily to-do list is still serving me or if I need to change it up a bit. It is less throwing away any of the categories on my list and more just adding more variety. 

For example: right now I have "do three self-care tasks" on my daily list but I know that those three tasks tend to end up being the same three each and every day.  Moving forward I think I hope to create a schedule (with flexibility no epic walks if it feel like 100 degrees out.) One the day's focus might be art based, another motion based, another sensory based.

Or taking my "BBJ" (Boldness, Belonging, Joy) and "Other" categories and have each day be focused on a different value, one day must include something around curiosity, another day something around openness, .... Or taking my fitness category, making sure at least one of the fitness tasks changes from day to day.

In addition personally I have just finished a virtual 12 week mental wellness program which I found a bit easy and a bit repetitive and I left lots of feedback on how to make the program work for a wider audience. After writing down and submitting all this feedback I realized that I should take my own advice and create my own program 2.0 to use for the rest of the year. 

In the language of Wentworth's post we all have a wide range of contracts we should look over and determine if they are still serving us and if they are not, if we think we can change the contract or if we need to rip the contract up into a million little pieces. 

• If you are starting a new contract you can say goodbye to an old one
• If your personal contracts have become too complex you can simplify them. 
• If your personal contracts are overlapping you can determine your focus for the rest of the year.
• If you want new contracts for 2022, prep for those contracts (research, collecting supplies)
• If a contract no longer works, let it go, just because others say the meditation is always the way to go if meditation only stresses you out find something different that works for you.