Saturday, January 25, 2020

Pete, Protest, and Belonging


I had the opportunity to go to Mr. Pete Buttigieg's campaign event today. (This summer I had the opportunity to go to an event with his husband which was also really impressive) It is hard to describe, it is like a presence which deep in your soul you know will always have your back and will always be by your side no matter what you are struggling with.

During the event today, there were protesters. I have been part of community organizing campaigns and understand diverse tactics are needed in any campaign but I felt the protester's outrage overran any clear messaging.

The first group started shouting in the middle of the event, wanting to discuss policing in South Bends. Pete first acknowledged the individuals who were protesting and said that he respected them and their protest but to also please respect the format of the event. (Those of us who were attending had submitted questions in advance and they were randomly pulled for him to answer, this was not an event where questions were being taken from the floor).

When this did not work Pete was able to pivot on the spot and allowed them to ask their question so that the event could continue. The question was not clear or concise (and the protesters did not have facts such as names correct) but Pete responded well, it was clear that the Eric Logan case is deeply personal for him.

Pete shared he and his office arranged community meetings around issues of safety and policing but he chose not to be physically present at those conversations because he knew that the conversations between all the various community actors would not have been productive if they were under a presidential media spotlight. You can't have hard conversations and process if anything you say might end up on the front page.

I was also impressed because once again he publically discussed and took responsibility for his own failures and political struggles as Mayor, which is really refreshing since most politicians have to do a song and dance and monologue and another song and dance before trying to sweep something under the run. Pete is wise, self-aware, and knows his own limitations, and is ready to reach out to those who have more knowledge or expertise in an area.

A second protest message was taken up after Pete was leaving the stage, so I did not see Pete's response but I know my own response to the chants of "Where is Gay Pete?" My first thoughts were what do they mean? and would my own Ace identity "count"? What counts and what does not count in terms of identity?

(This was at the forefront of my mind because of a recent situation where a celebrity came out as Ace (Adding it to their twitter summary, adding a bunch of asexual links, and tweeting "Aces -- It's the real me") but Wikipedia is refusing to accept the change made on their page because it is "unclear" what the celebrity means, and they want media coverage as "proof" before the page is changed)

I am not clear on what this second group of protestor's message was trying to convey. What policies or actions they were trying to criticize or bring attention to? What were they asking of Pete? Where did they think Pete's campaign needed to step up?

Instead of feeling like a policy or position issue, something which could be responded to it felt like they wanted him to somehow get a better grade on some Gay identity scorecard which is not how it works with any identity. Identity is not a multiple-choice test.

I know I personally felt that my own identity was being questioned and attacked by the protesters. Like I was being told that I was not good enough, that I was an imposter within my own identity. That while I was not the target of the protest I was still being told that I do not belong. This is one reason that protest tactics which are not connected to a clear ask can push people away. 

Pete often talks about belonging and the "Crisis of belonging" which has led to an increase in mental health issues and individuals self-medicating in unhealthy ways. Pete's campaign makes me feel like I belong in so many ways no matter what I am going through or struggling with. The tactics that were used by the protestors made me feel I did not belong, even within my own identities. Belonging. It all comes back to belonging.




Monday, January 20, 2020

How we all serve injustice ...



“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”
Today is the day we set aside to honor MLK Jr. Often this honor is expressed through quotes and memes or an hour or two of service. Today I suggest in addition we honor him by seeing that each and every one of us serves injustice in some way. (Yes you and Yes I and Yes us)
“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”
We support and maintain systems of oppression. We say "well that is just the way that things are." We say "well we earned it." We say "yes there are problems but "we" are not apart of the problem." In truth, we all knowingly or unknowingly support these systems.
“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe nor politic nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him it is right.”
We fail to ask the right questions. Why are our communities and workplaces not diverse? What rules and regulations make this so? Where must we go to find those who have different life experiences?  Why do those of different races or faiths or backgrounds not feel welcome or safe in our spaces?
“We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.”
To fight the daily injustice that we all support will take radical thinking. What systems and institutions need to be pulled down so something better can grow? How can we hold ourselves accountable for our actions? What priveledges and opportunities do we have to deal with these systems and stand and walk and fight in solidarity with the least and the marginalized?
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
So today take a moment to more clearly see this society and world we live in and the challenges we face over and over and over again. This will be hard work. It won't be done with quotes or an hour or two here or there. There will be moments when the fight will seem too hard, not worth the effort, but we must remember:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”













Thursday, January 9, 2020

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Lessons for us all


Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided for various reasons to step back from their family's business as Royals. In no way am I an expert in "Royals" (and Yes Harry and Meghan will always have many privileges in terms of socio-economic factors that you may not have) but watching this unfold I see reminders we all should hear at the beginning of a new year and a new decade when so many of us have new dreams about what the next chapters in our lives might look like.

1. You can always stop, change, or pivot. Often we feel like there is nothing we can do about a situation, that we are stuck but that is not true. It may not be easy but it can be done.

2. Not all jobs are good fits for everyone. Your job on paper might be great but it still may be a poor fit for you. Sometimes you have to give up the shoulds in order to be your best.

3. Finding our own paths will challenge expectations. Your family may not understand, society may not understand, but in the end following your own path is important.

4. We don't know what others are going through unless we ask. Too often we find the choices that we or others take to be confusing or "out of the blue" but this is because we spend too little time talking to each other and really listening. 

5. "Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." Everyone no matter if they are famous or not, no matter if they have money or not, no matter if everyone knows there battle or not.

6. A meaningful life is a life filled with:


If you don't feel these things in your life then no matter how challenging, no matter your inner fears, no matter what anyone else says you need to stop, change, or pivot. Everyone deserves a meaningful and passion led life, everyone from Harry and Meghan to you to the stranger you don't know. Be Big, Bold, and Amazingly You 


Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Happy New Year, Happy 2020


As 2020 arrives we find ourselves in a time of new beginnings, a time to start again (and again, and again ...) a time to remind ourselves and others that we all belong here and we all are trying our best.  

While I have made some resolutions for this year (mainly tweaking my successful resolutions form last year) I also have once again selected a phrase for the year.

2019 my word for the year was magic, and for 2020 my phrase is "Live Lighter, Dive Deeper" 

I hope to live less encumbered, I have been doing some cleaning, donating, and unsubscribing to things. I am hoping to have more time and energy to put towards meaningful projects. 

I also hope to dive deeper into my relationships so I can lessen the "Crisis of Belonging" too many feel in the current day and age. 

Whatever you choose to do or not do for the new year and the new decade I am standing right by your side cheering you on. Always remember You are wonderful. You are loved. You belong. 

I am leaving you with Happy New Year Message I wrote. Happy New Year. May it be a great one for you.

Happy New Year 

Another year ends 
Another decade begins 
Another turning of time 

No matter what tomorrow brings 
No matter what the year to come brings 
No matter what the decade to come brings 

Burn the candles, Drink the tea, Read the books 
Make “Someday” today. Remember to just breathe 
In and Out and In and Out 
In and Out Again 
And Make Good Art (1) 

You are wonderful. 
You are loved. 
You belong. 

*quietly confident in the manifold gifts you possess, 
Both known and unknown to you* 
Right behind you. You got this. (2) 

You are wonderful. 
You are loved. 
You belong. 

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and (know) someone thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. 

And I hope, somewhere in the next year, You surprise yourself. (3) 

You are wonderful. 
You are loved. 
You belong. 

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. (4) 

You are wonderful. 
You are loved. 
You belong. 

Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, do it. (5) 

You are wonderful. 
You are loved. 
You belong. 

Happy Happy New Year 

1 Neil Gaiman Wisdom, 2 Lin-Manuel Tweet, 3 Neil Gaiman Former New Year’s Wish, 
4 Neil Gaiman Former New Year’s Wish, 5 Neil Gaiman Former New Year’s Wish