What My Dreams Teach About Self Doubt

 

The night before last I had a dream that gave me a lot of food for thought including wisdom that I recorded as soon as I woke up because I knew it was important:

In my dream I am watching a supernatural version* of the Lincoln Lawyer**, who does not trust himself, and there is a male boss*** who does trust him and either I or someone else watching says "The boss trusts him because they remember before, so any issues were caused by the drugs, whereas the Lincoln Lawyer does not trust himself because he got hooked on drugs so what will keep him from making another bad choice moving forward"

Which I think is clearly my brain processing some of my experiences with burn out and self doubt. I was in a retail/food service job for 4 years and then could not take it anymore for a number of reasons (staffing issues, organizational issues, …) so I choose to leave. 

I find myself falling into my dream Lincoln Lawyer's patterns and feeling like since that role strongly and negatively impacted my mental health that means I failed and could not and would not be able to do a similar role anytime in the future.  

I know it would be healthier for me to have the outlook of the Dream Boss. Viewing the fact I had to leave in light of the environment becoming toxic not because I could not do the job back then or would not be able to do the job in the future. 

I was reminded of how much self doubt, imposter syndrome I have collected over the years from a wide range of jobs and am slowly realizing how this accumulated self doubt and imposter syndrome has been and will continue to be holding me back vocationally unless I choose to make a change in my thinking.

So I have some idea why Dream of The Endless created the dream for me, even if I don't have any magic way to change my thinking and decrease my career related self-doubt. Hopefully processing  such as by writing this blog will help me honor my own career strengths.  

   

* The Lincoln Lawyer was some kind of wizard or demon hunter
**I have seen a sum total of one episode of the Lincoln Lawyer
I guess Dream of the Endless just borrowed the character to teach me what I needed to know in my dream LOL
*** Yes I know in the show it is a female boss/co-lawyer

Happy Disability Pride Month

 

July is Disability Pride Month. If you are confused March was Disability Awareness Month. So one way of looking at it is March is when we realize all the ways that society disables so many of us and in July we celebrate the joy of being part of the disability community. 

Disability Pride Month is celebrated every July and is an opportunity to honor the history, achievements, experiences, and struggles of the disability community. Why July? It marks the anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, landmark legislation that broke down barriers to inclusion in society.

 

According to the CDC:

A disability is any condition of the body or mind (impairment) that makes it more difficult for the person with the condition to do certain activities. 

 

As the World Health Organization puts it most everyone will experience disability but the struggle comes when society is unwilling to accommodate those disabilities:

Disability is part of being human. Almost everyone will temporarily or permanently experience disability at some point in their life. An estimated 1.3 billion people – about 16% of the global population – currently experience significant disability. This number is increasing due in part to population ageing and an increase in the prevalence of noncommunicable diseases.

Disability results from the interaction between individuals with a health condition, such as cerebral palsy, Down syndrome and depression, with personal and environmental factors including negative attitudes, inaccessible transportation and public buildings, and limited social support.

A person’s environment has a huge effect on the experience and extent of disability. Inaccessible environments create barriers that often hinder the full and effective participation of persons with disabilities in society on an equal basis with others. Progress on improving social participation can be made by addressing these barriers and facilitating persons with disabilities in their day to day lives.

After a quick google search I found there is a disability pride flag. I will admit I did not realize we had our own flag, though I am not surprised LOL. It has a black background and diagonally across the flag are five zigzag lines colored blue, yellow, white, red, and green. The diagonal lines are to represent lightning bolts and each color represents something unique about the disability community.

The Black Field: this field is to represent the disabled people who have lost their lives due to not only their illness, but also negligence, suicide, and eugenics.

The Lightning Bolt: the shape of the lightning bolt represents the non-lateral lives that many disabled people live, often having to adapt themselves or their physical routes to get around an inaccessible society.

The Colors: each color on this flag represents a different aspect of disability or impairment,

Blue: Mental Illness.

Yellow: Cognitive and Intellectual Disabilities.

Green: Sensory Perception Disabilities.

Red: Physical Disabilities.