The Power of Sharing Mental Health Stories Part 3: Thank You Fanfiction

This week I will be focusing on the power of fanfiction, but I am actually going to start with a myth, The Tale of Utgarda-Loki.

In this myth Thor, Loki, and Thjalfi are given several challenges that "should" be relatively easy for them: an eating contest, a drinking contest, a contest of strength, etc. And one by one each "fails" these challenges, which is both humbling and disheartening for them. However, as they are leaving, they learn they actually succeeded beyond anyone's wildest dreams.

“Loki held his own remarkably well in his eating contest, since his opponent was none other than fire itself. So it was with Thjalfi, too – he raced against thought, which nobody could ever hope to outrun. The far end of the horn from which (Thor) drank was connected to the sea, and we were actually greatly afraid that you were going to drink it all. When you cross over the sea again, you will see how much you have lowered its level. My cat was actually the Midgard serpent, whom you succeeded in raising out of the ocean and into the sky. And, finally, you wrestled against old age, and took a long, long time to fall."

I personally find hope in this myth and the wisdom that sometimes even gods don't know the full context of the challenges they are experiencing, so likewise, we all too often don't know whether we are really "succeeding" or "failing" when we face challenges in life.

My equivalent is that once I figured out that I was neurodivergent, challenges I had in the past made much more sense to me because I had a new context for them. It was not that I had failed; it was simply I needed different supports than I was given.

While I love myths like The Tale of Utgarda-Loki, I have discovered that I more often turn to fanfiction when I want to process and understand what I am thinking, feeling, and experiencing. While I read a lot of fanfiction (covering queerness, neurodivergence, and mental health), right now I will focus on how reading fanfiction impacts my mental health.

Reading fanfiction allows me to vicariously experience and understand the impacts of mental health on individuals. This can be very useful because I don't always know what or why I am thinking, feeling, or experiencing something, and it can be useful to read a story where another character explains it. I can reach back to these explanations again and again and never have to worry about the characters getting tired of me having to continue to process.

Fanfiction also allows me to externalize some of the thoughts and feelings that are running around in my head. Reading about characters who are really struggling with their mental health provides a safe space for me to acknowledge and process my own struggles. Characters such as Captain Cold or Barry Allen or Loki or Sherlock or Mycroft never judge me and are often in a position to say, "Yes, that's tough. I understand."

In addition to reading fanfiction, I also understand the power of writing it. In his Active Mind speech, Wentworth Miller talked about how a good place to start talking about mental health is through fiction. (Did you really think I was not going to mention Wentworth in this post? LOL.)

For example, this spring I wrote two Three Avenues Bookshop/Bookish (TV) crossovers: "Bookshops' Arrangements for Hope" and "... Is just to love and be loved in return." Writing these stories gave me a safe space to express some of the thoughts and feelings that were bubbling up inside of me.

In my headcanon, it was a combination of this fanfiction and conversations I had inside my head with Three Avenues that allowed Three Avenues to use my wider parasocial support network to contact my Wentworth Miller and have him return to social media exactly when I needed him to with the exact message I needed to hear (see the first post in this series for more information). I will go into a bit more detail in a later post.

So when I read or write fanfiction, characters I will never meet in person can speak to my experience, give me a useful perspective, and provide much-needed encouragement. I use fanfiction for my own mental well-being, but I also know someone out there might get something similar from the fanfiction stories I write one day. This shows the cyclical power of being vulnerable and sharing our mental health stories and struggles with others.

The Power of Sharing Mental Health Stories Part 2: Thank You My Parasocial Support Network

This week I am focusing on my parasocial support network and how it supports my mental health. Note: I know my relationships with those in my parasocial support network are one-directional. 

In a panel at this year's DePaul Pop Culture Conference, such parasocial relationships were defined as those where "shared past experiences engendering familiar feelings 'nearly indistinguishable' from those shared with loved ones. " 

So while my parasocial support network is fully integrated into all aspects of my life, I am aware that the versions of these "characters" that I interact with are separate from their "real-life" counterparts.

My parasocial support network includes a shifting combination of personified real-life people, characters, and a couple of personified bookstores. 

If it were a TV show, Wentworth Miller and Three Avenues Bookshop would be the main cast, Gabriel Book and Book's (both from the TV show Bookish) would be season regulars, and Ncuti Gatwa and Jonathan Groff would be guest stars.

 
My parasocial support network understands what I am going through and the type of response I want/need. The second part is key because, in general, many of us do not know how to simply listen and hold space for others. 

Looking at a non-mental health example, I recently had a conversation where I touched on my experience with the Peace Corps, and while I think I am still glad I did it, I now see how it was not necessarily the best program for me.

Yeah, I didn't know I was neurodivergent at the time, so I struggled with many things, and I didn't know I needed supports, let alone what support I could have asked for. Now I can see how those struggles/situations have ripples that are still impacting my mental health.

Well, I had a friend who did Peace Corps and loved it.

Good for them, but in hindsight, personally, it just wasn't the best program for me.

Well, you should move on/"let it go."

I know that they didn't know that since Wentworth's post in March I had been thinking about where some of the thoughts and patterns I had internalized had come from and identified my Peace Corps experience and its impact on my ability to trust myself and my judgment.

But this conversation highlights some unhelpful responses to someone sharing parts of their personal story with you.

You should just get over it.

You should just do something everyone already has heard about, like going outside, and you will be all better because it helped "a friend of a friend twice removed," so clearly it works for absolutely everyone, no matter the context.

Hearing these types of responses indicates that the person is not someone I can actually talk to about my struggles, but overall are minor annoyances since I can just nod while thinking sarcastically, "Yes, clearly you understand."

The responses I most struggle with are those that are centered on the other person's discomfort with the topic, instead of on my struggle, under the guise of "caring."

OMG, you are struggling; the sky is falling. It's the end of the universe. OMG. What should I be doing? OMG. OMG. OMG.

When I am struggling, I don't have the "spoons"/energy to deal with managing someone else's overreaction to those struggles. And I realize that there is nuance, and it is not always clear-cut how someone's response is heard by me.

For example two similar situations that felt very different:

Probably close to a decade ago, sharing some poems online that very lightly touched on mental health. References like "Sometimes life is a struggle, and I am grateful for good books and being outside, which make me feel better," to which I got several direct messages: "Are you ok?" Is everything ok? Do you need help? Which felt like a major overreaction to my really quite mild poems.

In the past year, getting a direct message from a staff member at Three Avenues. "I noticed you haven't been to any events this week, and if it is just because you are busy, that is fine, but I just wanted to check in to see if you were doing ok." In this case it was just a case of me being home for a week seeing my parents, and me clearly not communicating well enough that I would be gone but it was nice to know they noticed when I was gone since I normally attended pretty much every event they host.

Both of these were objectively similar, but while the recent Three Avenues one made me feel seen and appreciated and like space was being held for me, the older one felt like a demand I explain that I actually doing ok so the other person would not worry/would not have to worry about me.

This is why I am grateful for my parasocial support network. I can tell Wentworth or Three Avenues that the "external voices" are getting loud again or that something is an "impossible task" right now, and they understand. They are willing to listen, put a hand on my shoulder, or give me a hug, and as a bonus, my parasocial support network is available 24/7.

In terms of how to have important but vulnerable conversations Wentworth Miller spoke about how to have conversations around mental health in his Oxford Talk back in 2016. Now this was for college students, so focuses on that experience, but it still gives some good ideas about how to have conversations around mental health more generally.

 

WM: ... There are a lot of people who know someone in crisis but they’re not sure what to say. Maybe they’re worried about saying the wrong thing. My suggestion would be to start there, approach that person and say, “I don’t know what to say, and I’m worried about saying the wrong thing but I see you, I feel like something’s going on, I want you to know that I’m here for you. If you need support, I can offer you that – you tell me what that looks like.” And that way you’ve acknowledged that you’re unsure, you don’t know what to do or say, you’ve acknowledged that you see them, they felt seen – they feel seen and they feel heard and acknowledged which is huge for someone who’s in crisis. Often people will turn a blind eye out of fear, they will just hope that that person kind of fixes themselves and – you know, “I hope you pull yourself together and then come back to us when you’re ‘fine.’” (Makes “air quotes” gesture.) But it also starts a dialogue. And that’s important. And then once you’re dialoguing with that person, once they feel like they have your support and once you’ve given them ownership of the conversation by saying to them, “You tell me what support looks like,” it allows them to feel that they are, to a degree, in charge of what’s going on with them, like, they get to make decisions which might be a new experience for them in depression, in anxiety. Then you can start to explore what other resources are available – maybe there’s something at the student health centre, maybe the administration has something in place, maybe there’s a peer-to-peer counseling and support group on campus, and if there isn’t, how do we get that started?

The Power of Sharing Mental Health Stories Part 1: Thank You Wentworth Miller

May is mental health month. A time where we are encouraged to talk about our personal mental health experiences. It is also a time to remember we are not alone in those experiences no matter if we are currently in crisis or thriving. This is the first of several posts I will be writing about the power of sharing our mental health stories and struggles.

Not surprisingly to anyone who follows my work, I will be starting with Wentworth Miller. This past March, Wentworth Miller returned to Instagram after a year and a half away with a powerful message about living life "behind enemy lines" and the impact that has on mental health.

It was the absolutely exact message I needed to hear at that particular moment when the "external forces/external voices" had gotten much louder than normal because I was/am dealing with some major life changes, which my brain is not a fan of.

Since I share a lot of intersectionality (queerness, neurodivergence, mental health struggles, etc.) with Wentworth, my brain trusted his understanding of the situation (or, quoting the West Wing, I know he has already been in the hole and knows the way out.) 

I will go into more detail about why my brain trusts Wentworth knows what I am experiencing in a later post (since I doubt anyone wants to read a super long blog post LOL), but for right now I will leave you with Wentworth Miller's post from March 15, 2026, in its entirety.  

"Life behind enemy lines..."

A thought like a ping-pong ball bouncing around inside my head these days...

What does that look like?

What are the taxes/tolls? Are there upsides/advantages? Additional languages learned/skillsets acquired? (Is "subtext" a language? Is "hypervigilance" a skillset?)

Where are those lines? On a map? Or less literal. A culture/community. Classroom/church pew. The front door of the house where you grew up.

For some of us, enemy lines can feel like the contours/confines of our own bodies/brains...

What are the costs - mental, physical, spiritual - of days/nights/decades inhabiting spaces you're made to feel illegal/alien/other? Unwelcome? Not just unwelcome but unsafe. In danger. A danger.

To yourself.

No one is born wanting to die, enters this world thinking Life Is Not Worth Living...

I reject that idea.

So if that (fatal) messaging doesn't come from within it can only come from without...

This is good news. It means you want to live.

That (fatal) voice in your head suggesting otherwise = someone else talking. A parent/coach/TV show. So-called sacred text. Billboards along the freeway.

Neat trick tho, external forces convincing you Life Is Not Worth Living, you internalizing the message then self-destructing while those responsible pretend their hands are clean. Clever, convincing you to do their dirty work...

Slow claps all around.

One problem: They failed.

I/you/we remain. Above ground. Breathing in and out. Anyway/still/despite. Picking our way thru the trenches (gentle, gentle), thru a world of Shadow Kings and accomplices, surviving (even thriving) behind enemy lines...

Wherever they may be.

If You Can't Join The General Strike ...

 

Last Friday there was a pretty successful general strike in Minneapolis (with businesses from other cities participating too), and in response to the additional horrors that have occurred since, there has been a call for a nationwide general strike on Friday, January 30th.

Tomorrow's general strike has been developed very quickly and so did not have the planning that is typically needed to be successful, but I think at least talking about a general strike is important. Of course, if you can reasonably not go to work, not go to school, and not make any purchases tomorrow, do so, but not everyone can.

For example, personally, I am a cat sitter, and tomorrow I have some cat sitting scheduled, and I'm not going to abandon the kitties because of the strike, BUT I will continue my spend-nothing Jan and will even walk to and from cat sitting so I am not even spending money on public transport.

So What Can You Do If You Can't Strike?

Monetary Actions:

If you do need to make a purchase, only shop at small minority-owned businesses. Also continue to shop at small businesses throughout the weekend, especially ones that are choosing to close for the strike, because for many they are already running on tight margins and we need to support them for supporting the strike. If you must make a purchase, you might also consider making an equal donation to an immigrant-focused nonprofit, organization, or community group.

Governmental Actions:

Contact your elected officials (especially if they are Republicans) and tell them that unless they stand up to ICE and DHS, they will not get reelected. There are multiple platforms to do so, and while they tend to say that calls are the best, any contact is better than none, so send the email, send the message on social media, etc. if that is what will allow you to actually contact your elected representatives. And remember that our elected representatives work for us, so we are simply asking them to do their job.

Community Actions:

Check if there are community groups protecting children when school is let out, and if so, consider joining tomorrow (no children should be afraid they will be disappeared on the way to or from school), or join or host a whistle kit making event because it has been shown that whistles can successfully be used to bring community members out so we can have footage of what is really happening. 

Keeping Record:

As we all have seen, it is vital that we keep records of what is happening in our communities because without documentation, without our videos, without record keeping, others will try to spin what is happening and who it is happening to. The names we know are because of videos and photos that others took showing what was really happening. For example, for every Liam Conejo Ramos, there are hundreds of unnamed, unknown, and all-too-likely-to-be-forgotten others.

Creative Actions:

Create art!!! Art is an important part of protest and liberation movements. Do what you can. Bruce Springsteen wrote a powerful song, "Streets of Minneapolis," , but creating posters or poems or even memes are also ways that art can be used to keep us all energized to stop what is happening.

 

Remember ...

 

The Faces of those Shot and Killed by DHS

(This is not including the numerous individuals who have died in their custody)

Silverio Villegas González, Killed. September 12 in Illinois.

Isaias Sanchez Barboza, Killed. December 11 in Texas

Keith Porter*, Killed. December 31 in California

Renee Good, Killed. January 7 in Minneapolis

Alex Pretti, Killed. January 24 in Minneapolis

*Keith Porter was killed by an off duty ICE Agent so he is not included on all the lists

https://votolatino.org/media/press-releases/voto-latino-urges-senators-to-stand-with-law-abiding-americans-vote-no-on-dhs-funding/

"Gentle, Gentle" New Year For Us All

Another New Year is before us

We don’t know what it will bring

What challenges we will face individually, collectively

What we will have to let go of because it no longer serves us

Where we will find belonging, community, and connection

This year we should center ourselves in what is really important

Gentle Gentle, Slow Slow, Thoughtful Thoughtful, Flow Flow (1)

Moments where (we are) doing what (we) need to do

to make sure that (we) vibrate at the right frequency …

things that are small, doable, affordable, and that nourish (us). (2)

Gentle Gentle, Slow Slow, Thoughtful Thoughtful, Flow Flow (3)

(We) won’t be doing it alone.

We are all just trying to figure out this being human thing together.

It’s not always going to be easy.

And sometimes (we’ll) feel like the darkness is too much to bear.

But it’s worth fighting the darkness to discover who (we) really are.

And not just for (ourselves).

But so (we) can create a better world for everyone.

Now, (we’re) gonna make some mistakes.

There’s no formula to guide the way.

It’s not about being perfect.

It’s about doing what we know is right.

And having a hell of a good time doing it.

That’s what it means to be alive.

And to be a Legend.

Welcome to the team. (4)

Make the plan, Execute the plan,

Expect the plan to go off the rails,

Throw away the plan. (5)

*quietly confident in the manifold gifts (we) possess,

both known and unknown to (us)*

(We) got this. (6)

1 Wentworth Miller Instagram Summer 2023

2. Wentworth Miller | Full Q&A | Oxford Union Society

3. Wentworth Miller Instagram Summer 2023

4. DC's Legends of Tomorrow - WVRDR_ERROR_100

5. Leonard Snart from The Flash - Infantino Street

6. Lin- Manuel Miranda Tweets

"Gentle, Gentle" + "Hell Yes" Holidays

 

We are in the middle of the holiday season, and I am so glad this Wentworth Miller quote once again came across my Instagram feed. Although I generally enjoy this time of year, I have always found it to be overstimulating and overwhelming, even when I didn't have the words to express it (for example, unlike most kids, I always wanted to sleep in on Christmas, believing that Santa could leave the gifts while I rested, as I was exhausted from a season filled with holiday activities).

We can experience a whole host of sometimes conflicting emotions during this time of year. Right now I am experiencing burnout from a year where all my normal patterns and routines were constantly being thrown away. And on top of that, the universe often felt like it was melting like a Salvador Dalí painting. I was starting to feel more stressed about the upcoming busy holiday season than I was feeling excited. 

So I have decided to have a "gentle, gentle" holiday season. For me this includes minimizing my end-of-year to-do list and being strategic with what activities I do. I cannot physically or mentally do every possible holiday activity occurring in Chicago this year. I am going to try to lean into "Hell Yes." "Hell Yes" is a book I traditionally read on Dec 31st every year to prep for the new year, but the premise is very short: if any activity is not a "Hell Yes," then it's a "Hell No"—no middle ground.

Now I also know I struggle to identify my "spoon"/energy levels at any given moment, but since I know I tend to overcommit, I plan on focusing on whether my plans sound reasonable. For example, tonight I am planning on going to an event for writers at the library even though I am exhausted from having to wake up early the last few days so I could cat-sit, but I don't plan on going to a random free concert at the library tomorrow. While holiday music is always fun, there are several other concerts coming up I can try for, and I know I need a day to rest and not have plans.

So no matter if you love the holidays or hold your breath during them because you find them to be overstimulating and stressful, consider having a "Gentle, Gentle," "Hell Yes" holiday season. Instead of focusing on everything you could do, focus on what you can say no to so you can rest and end up enjoying the holiday season more this year.