Processing and Contemplation:

This week has been a week where a lot of things have been on my mind. And this is putting aside all the swirling darkness of geo-political junk. So today's post is me processing my thoughts and feelings about a few different topics, there are no clear answers, no clear through lines, nor even clear questions. 

Processing Other's Wants Are Not My Own:

This week one of the news stories was my Pete and Chasten are going to be parents. Now to be clear they are super excited to be parents and I know they will be great parents but it still has been hitting me someway. I have never ever wanted to have kids/ offspring/ spawn/ demons/.... so it never computes when others do want them. I realize it will take me a little time before I can sit with this change in their identity. 

People who want to have kids or have kids feel like people from a different version of earth, (And nope I am not sure which Earth number they would have been found maybe just Earth Kids? which sits somewhere between Earth X and Earth 69 and Earth 666), but just like it took the legends a bit to be comfortable with Leo Snart from Earth X it is going to take me a little while before I am comfortable with my Pete and Chasten from Earth Kids. 

Some of my issues are pretty illogical, such as worrying about having daydream childcare available when I bring Pete and Chasten on various daydream adventures. We can still end up at Hogwarts, or on Babylon 5, or at Lux, or on the Waverider, or Seaquest, or on the TARDIS, or in pockets of Dream's library without having to worry about the child (Though Mary Poppins or Crowley/Aziraphale as sitters would not be a bad idea)

Some are more issues of the heart. Pete and Chasten as currently deeply imbedded in some of the Us/We's, some of the communities/belongings, some of the understandings/meanings that I call home. But now Pete and Chasten, as parents, belong in different squiggly box of meaning, which means some of the bedrocks of my current identity are shifting, which on top of everything happening across the globe is just a bit challenging. A multiple cups of tea problem, a need to do some yoga, a need to do a bit of journaling type of problem.

Processing How Others See Me:

This week another event was an interesting Facebook interaction. Someone asked politely why Aces/Aros should be included in the LGBTQ+ acronym explicitly, and not simply be included under the +. I wrote a note about the importance of being seen and included and referenced a blog post I wrote about learning how poorly my middle school handled the fact that I said I was not interested in sex in middle school. 

The odd part was later when someone basically implied I was brave for being so open about being Ace. This was a mirror of the role I normally play. I am normally the one who sees others as brave and bold and wonderful and having super powers. And I realized why celebrities some times seem to be taken aback when others look to them like they are superhero's or gods. 

Though it does seem like some all knowingness that Wentworth Miller posted "If there's something here for you, pick it up. If not, leave it at your feet." on Instagram today while talking about the dangers of the idea of influencers. 

But all kidding aside in general my love/admiration is an exothermic reaction, and find it all a bit odd when it changes to an endothermic reaction or the difference between enjoying a work of art and having the work of art tell you that it enjoys you in return. This was a pleasant social media interaction, which is always nice since all too often they are not pleasant, but it did give me a better understanding of others responses when we tell them how amazing and wonderful they are.