Listening To Yourself (Using the 5 Ws)

Listening to ourselves can be challenging.  It can sometimes feel like everyone has their own opinions of what will be best for us. It is important for us to sit with ourselves for extended periods of time to "hear" what we are trying to tell ourselves. One way to work through listening to ourselves is by using the 5 Ws we learned in elementary school.

Who do we see ourselves as?

This should start with our own identities and intersectionality. Who do we want to be known as? Who is our truest self? Who do others see us as and does that differ from how we see ourselves?

How?

• Free journalling in a physical journal or a google file
• Watching Queer Eye on Netflix (Many episodes are focused on individuals learning who they want to be and how their current actions are either supporting that identity or hindering that identity)
• Exploring one identity or intersection through music, or books, or articles, or food ...

What do we want?

This is more about the experiences we want or the skills we want then simple what stuff we want. This can also be about intangibles such as respect or love or understanding.

(NOTE: If you are in a position where you personally need (or are part of wider communities that needs) things such as affordable housing, stable employment, access to food, clean water, physical and mental health care, etc then wanting stuff is completely justified.)

How?

• Pondering if we were guaranteed to succeed what would we want to do
• Trying new things in an area we want to explore. (If you want to cook more try 1 new recipe each week and see how it goes and what types of food you like to cook)
• If there is an experience we want or skill we want to develop what is the smallest first step we can take, or the smallest first step we can do today towards that goal.

When do we feel our best selves?

These are the moments both present and in the past that made us feel the most whole. These can be big moments or tiny everyday moments. What fills us with Joy?

How?

• Listing what we loved to do as children that we could do once again: Playing Tag, Reading, Climbing a tree, Building a fort, Going on an adventure (either in your own neighborhood or in your imagination) ...
• Putting on a favorite outfit or costume or cosplay
• Connecting with the individuals and communities which always encourage us and remind us that we are beloved exactly how we are

Where do we thrive?

As we do different activities we will find different places that help us thrive. Where we thrive when doing work will be different from where we thrive when we are relaxing or where we thrive when we want to be energized.

How?

• Identifying the different activities we do and the different locations we can go (Even if this is just around home and locations are simply a table, a chair, your bed, a kitchen)
• What small changes might we make to make space more specialized (Moving a desk next to a window? Moving a table so our living room has more open space? Carving out part of a room to be an inhouse gym where we can easily access the equipment? ...)
• Find ways to allow the opportunity for a change of scenery (From working from a different room, changing the art or nicknacks in a space regularly, to taking a few moments outside each day)

Why do we need to listen to ourselves?

We need to listen to ourselves as part of a wider regular self-care routine and when we are feeling or acting in confusing ways. Listening to ourselves means we can better know what we need or want from situations as we go through life.

How?

• Listen to discussions of the purpose of feelings or how to mediate
• Brainstorm how we can change or better respond to situations that are bothering us
• Being open to what we are telling ourselves means we can be more open to what others are telling themselves or telling us

Learning to listen to ourselves is a key skill many of us have struggled to develop. When we do not know where we might even start in this process it can be useful falling back on tried and true frameworks such as the 5 Ws. Everyone'sjounry toward self-knowledge will be different but sometimes it is useful to have somewhere to start such as this blog.