Contemplating the Comments Section ...

This post will contain spoilers for the Doctor Who Episode Rogue

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with someone in the comments section of a post about what I consider the wonderful Doctor Who episode "Rouge" and Spoilers, the lovely kiss between The Doctor (Ncuti Gatwas) and Rogue (Jonathan Groff), as shown in the clip below.

Let's say there were lots of feelings people had around the kiss, some positive and some negative. I for one found it a super sweet kiss, and that while being aroace so in general, not someone overly into kisses or kissing (or at least mouth kissing). 

 

I was able to see that The Doctor and Rogue liked each other (both characters clearly consented to the kiss), and the episode felt organic to me, especially since it was very much a Bridgerton-inspired episode. I have not watched Bridgerton, but I know it is a show all about romance and various forms of attraction LOL.

 

There will never be a show or story that everyone enjoys. But when commenting, it is important to use precise language. The more precise language used, the less likely you are to be misinterpreted. 

 

For example, I have mentioned to some of my friends who also watch Doctor Who that while I love Nucti, I feel like this season the Doctor has not been spotlighted as much (in part because Ncuti was involved in other projects at the same time he was filming Doctor Who), and I would like to see more Nucti Doctor content. 

 

Some people who commented about the episode clearly did not like the romance or the kiss, but the language used is often very vague: "the show is too political,"  "the show is woke,"  "there is a social agenda," etc., and they are upset when that vague language is interpreted as being racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. 

Here is a poem I wrote:

Thoughts about people in the comment section

By Dreaming Ace

I’m aroace, I don’t really get the concept of kissing on the lips

Yet I know kissing is something that people do in life, in real life

So I’m so confused when you “comment section people” say that

A kiss between two wonderful characters is pushing an agenda

Do people really not kiss in the world you live in? In your universe?

Is there no Love? No sharing of emotions? No connections?

Even I know that “emotional recognition” and “deep-seated tenderness”

Sometimes develops into romance and dancing and awe and wonder

Sometimes even develops into what you would call Love all within a single night

While I will always love queer platonic storylines, and we need many more of those

I also enjoy other storylines, platonic friends storylines, romantic storylines

Even the occasional wibbly wobbly timey wimey situationship storyline

In my world, in my universe, in my timeline or whatever you call it

We know that people Love each other, we know different people love

Different people, we know that Love can look like so many things

More combinations then their are stars in the sky, or sand on the beach

We know that gender or romantic attraction or even sexual attraction

Can be very fluid, ace and aro, trans and nonbinary, pan and poly

Even I know that “emotional recognition” and “deep-seated tenderness”

Sometimes develops into romance and dancing and awe and wonder

Sometimes even develops into what you would call Love all within a single night

While I will always love queer platonic storylines, and we need many more

I also enjoy other storylines, platonic friends storylines, romantic storylines

Even the occasional wibbly wobbly timey wimey situationship storyline

I’m aroace, I don’t really get the concept of kissing on the lips

Yet I know kissing is something that people do in life, in real life

So I’m so confused when you “comment section people” say that

A kiss between two wonderful characters is pushing an agenda

Do people really not kiss in the world you live in? In your universe?

Is there no Love? No sharing of emotions? No connections?

***********

Here is the comments conversation that inspired this post. 

Note: 

My responses to the commentor were assuming the person 

Did not intend harm with their original comment, 

I addition I was coming from a place of safety. 

This does not mean anyone else should feel compelled 

To respond to people in the comments section. 

C = Comment section person, M = Me

C: People aren't angry because they're homophobic or transphobic or bigots, they're angry because the show is focusing too much on politics and pushing a social agenda rather than focusing on telling a good story. Most people watch shows like Doctor Who for escapism, not for a political lesson, but it's hard to complain about that without people misinterpreting it as bigotry.

M: I'm curious what social agenda you mean? The fact that in real life people sometimes kiss other people? The fact people find other people "hot"? Or the fact that people like to dance? I mean I'm aroace so don't kiss people, don't find people "hot" and I don't happen to like dancing with others because I want the freedom to dance however I want on the dance floor :) but I found this episode to be wonderful and sweet. I personally didn't see any "political lesson" so I am asking which one you found in this week's episode? Have a nice day.

C: There's the comment about a "hot summer with Houdini" there's the binary/non-binary thing in The Star Beast, there's the unnecessary and historically inaccurate race swap of Isaac Newton, there's the pronoun conversation in the Star Beast and there's another pronoun conversation in The Devil's Chord, there's Maestro's comment about Ruby playing songs for "heartbroken lesbians" etc etc. Granted, this is over the course of several episodes but even so, it's clear that politics play a significantly larger role in the show than it ever had before. But this goes back to what I was saying, people should be allowed to not like the political aspect of the show, people should be allowed to not like the show anymore due to the direction it's being taken but it seems many people, rather ironically, would much rather get offended than accept that.

M: I'm sorry but I'm confused how are any of what you listed is social commentary though? Maybe I'm from a different culture because none of that is different from my day to day normal. I mean for the last several years every name tag I have ever seen or had to fill out at church, at social events, at community events etc. had us list our pronouns. (Personally my pronouns are She/Any) Are talking about pronouns uncommon in the communities you spend time in? I really am curious since we seem to have very different world views.

C: Well... yeah, day-to-day life is different for everyone, and honestly, pronouns aren't common in the communities I engage with/in, my home life, work life or social life. This is also the case for many many other people and so to have it come up in the show does feel (to some but not others) as though it's preaching an aspect of gender politics rather than telling a good story

M: Interesting. Thanks for the clarification. Personally I feel it has only added to the story telling and not taken away but I guess others might disagree. Clearly there are as many ideas of what is good storytelling / what is a good story as there are stars in the sky. I think the challenge is when people don't just say this story didn't work for me but use generic and undefined language such as "it too political" or "it's woke" others tend to read into the "too political" as being based in isms and phobias because in general when people are say critiquing a stories structure or pacing or like for me feeling this season has been light on The Doctor focused stories and I want more Ncuti content they don't typically use the language "it's political." For example a comment saying that the focus on The Doctor's "humanness" or his emotions is not working for someone feels a lot different than an "it's too political now" comment even if second person intends the same thing as the first.

Pride Book Roundup #1

In addition to my normal focus on reading LGBTQA+ books as part of Pride, this Summer I am working on a Summer Reading Challenge through Three Avenues Bookshop. 

Note the challenge also includes some picture books which I will include in my weekly roundups but am NOT counting towards the books I have read for this year because I feel like that would artificially inflate my totals lol. 

Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao (Fiction)

My review:

I really really enjoyed this book even if there was a good amount of young adult drama involved. I especially loved the conversations among the Dianas that explored the complexities of being aroace while living in an allo world including the complexities of being aroace in many queer spaces.

It was cool to see a story centered around characters who already knew they were aroace (not a self-discovery or coming out story) and have that aroace identity held in the real tension of what that meant for their long term future.

Ann Zhao states in the introduction "One book cannot reflect every single a-spec experience and all of its intersections with other identity markers -- my goal with Dear Wendy was to add to the a-spec literary canon, not encompass it" and I found that she met this goal completely. 

The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang (Fiction)

My Review:

This was a very sweet story about when you are true to yourself you are much more likely to thrive. I think many of us would be someone else from time to time if we could and that should be celebrated.

It's Pride Baby! (Kids)

This is a fun kids book focused on the intersectional Black Pride.

My Pride Journey: Ally to Ace to AroAce

 

In the middle of celebrating, protesting, and rioting for LGBTQA+ rights, I think sometimes we forget how much of a journey pride can be. Knowing ourselves is always hard, but knowing our "pride selves" can be even harder. 

Some people know themselves and have language to describe themselves from the very start, while others take a more winding path to self-knowledge. 

I would say while we often speak about being queer or questioning the intricacies of questioning are often glossed over. Today I will share part of my own pride journey from ally to ace to aroace.

Ally 

Growing up in the 90's and early 2000's, I was drawn to the LGBTQA+ experience, or at least the gay experience. I think this was because in the stories I read and watched, the gay dudes either were "adorable" (I know now that some gays really don't like this language because it feels a bit dismissive or infantilizing) or they had to work so much harder for love that it felt like their love was deeper or more real than other types of love.  

Also, while I was unaware that I was aroace or autistic growing up, I think all three of these combined to make queer spaces feel comfortable. I thought I supported LGBTQA+ rights because "Love is Love," and I couldn't understand (and still don't understand) why people could be against love. Now I wonder if it was because they were places where not quite fitting in with society was celebrated and where, if I didn't totally understand the "how to people" rule book, it made sense to me since I was just an ally.

Ace

It wasn't until the 2010's that I had the language of being asexual, and that language really was only a decade old at that point. While asexuality has always existed historically, there has been a real lack of language to describe that experience. And before the internet and people being able to come together to talk about experiences, it was even harder because it was hard to prove a negative, a lack of sexual attraction to anybody. It took even longer for me to identify as Ace.  

Now, looking back, it was very obvious., but I didn't have the language to describe my experience. I know in middle school, I worried my school because I said I was never going to have sex, and they were worried they had "broken" me via sex education and discussions of STDs and AIDS. I don't understand why they were worried about middle schoolers saying they didn't want to have sex, but their worldview at the time could not comprehend that idea. My parents basically reassured them that they hadn't broken me, and I learned to not mention it.

AroAce

This has been my most recent understanding of myself. It took me close to a decade and a half after determining I was Ace to claim my Aro identity. While I knew I had zero interest in personally interacting with anyone's reproductive organs, trying to determine what romance was was more complicated. When I asked what makes something romantic, I got variations of you know it when you see it. 

And honestly, it was not until reading Loveless by Alice Oseman that it finally clicked for several reasons (and why representation in books and stories is so important). Why it took me so long to have it click that I could enjoy fictional characters whose relationships contained romance while not wanting that romance centered on me, I do not know. LOL In addition, I figured if I could spend a decade trying to determine what romance is and whether I would want it, it probably meant I didn't really desire it in the first place. 

The complexities of being aroace are explored really well in the recent book Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao and it is a book I would recommend assuming you can handle a certain amount of young adult drama aka drama that could be resolved quickly if people just communicated LOL

 

My Journey

As you can see, while there were hints all along, my journey to my current AroAce identity took a winding path. I started out feeling like while I wished I could be part of the LGBTQA+ community that I was only an ally, then I realized I was already part of the community because I figured out I was ace, and then finally now I understand I am aroace. 

So know wherever you are on your pride journey you are not alone. 

You are not moving too fast or two slow. 

You are not doing your journey wrong. 

Happy Happy Pride. Happy Pride.

Happy Start To Pride ...

 

Today is the start of pride and no matter where on your pride journey you are, know you are are at the exact correct spot on your journey to figuring out who you are are supposed to be, know you are beloved and loved, know that you are not alone. Also remember it is ok if Pride brings all the feelings. 

The Emotions of Pride

By Dreaming Ace

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The red of pain, of anger

So many laws legalizing hate, harm

Causing physical and emotional cuts 

That continually drip deep blood red 

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The orange of joy, of possibilities

The joy of community

The joy of being our true selves

The joy of connection too

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The yellow of hope, of new days

Even when it feels like the sun has

Been hidden for all time, forevermore

Hold out for our own hope realized 

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The green of rootedness

Rooted in our history

Rooted in our elders wise

Rooted in our dreamers

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The blue of sorrow, of brokenness

The blue of our shame, of our tears

The blue of internalized phobias and isms

The blue of an often times hostile world

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The purple of our passion for living

Living big, bold, beautiful and handsome too

Living knowing the multiverses we carry inside

Living because that is our highest calling

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

The Brown and Black of our intersectionality

Gender and race and sexuality and

Neurodivergence and disability and education and

Social supports and access to resources

Today Pride Month begins

Bringing a rainbow of emotions

To our community, to us all

Mental Health Awareness Roundup

 

My Mental Health Awareness Month Roundup

By Dreaming Ace

This was a month filled with #selflove / #mentalhealth

Remembering that mental health includes physical health

Cooking projects, yummy meals, and lots of nice walks

This was a month filled with #selflove / #mentalhealth

Remembering that mental health includes our space's health

Cleaning and organizing and sorting and sharing with others

This was a month filled with #selflove / #mentalhealth

Remembering that mental health includes intellectual health

Webinars and podcasts and films on many different topics

This was a month filled with #selflove / #mentalhealth

Remembering that mental health includes creative health

Reading and writing and doing art projects and listening to music

This was a month filled with #selflove / #mentalhealth

Remembering that mental health includes spirit health too

Being "gentle, gentle", Being kind to myself

Working to let go of what no longer serves

What did Mental Health Awareness Month 

Look like for you?

Feel like for you?

Dream like for you?

Professional Goals Culture Can Be Toxic

 

On social media, an acquaintance remarked that they were recently questioned about their professional goals and that they don't really have any. They said it felt strange for them to admit that out loud. I have to say, I don't have major professional goals beyond paying my bills.

Professional Goals Culture: Can Be Toxic

I have experienced how organizations that equate the love of a job with being able to do that job can be toxic. I have also seen the toxic side of pushing people up the chain of command when they were not ready or interested. If someone loves their job, they may go above and beyond, but such love should not be an expectation of all employees. In addition, there are plenty of things I love that I would not be good at doing.

For example, at one point, I worked at a grocery store at the deli counter. My ability to slice deli meat and show up for my scheduled shifts had no relation to my love of the job. I lasted 3 years in that role. I cycled through three different team leaders and store managers in that same period of time. 

Since I showed up when scheduled and did my assigned duties, there was pressure for me to apply for leadership roles. However, I was aware of the dysfunctional leadership in my department. In addition, if I were in charge, I'd have to deal with far more customers. I was usually praised for how I responded to customers (since, in retrospect, I scripted my encounters), but I was actually masking. 

I didn't want the extra stress and less flexibility in my schedule for what would have amounted to an extra dollar per hour. While I can now explain that a leadership role would have overstimulated me and had an adverse impact on my mental and physical health, at the time, I simply refused to apply for leadership positions. 

Professional Goals Culture: Can Be Ableist

Professional goals can also be ableist. I am autistic and have struggled with my mental health. Sometimes my goals are to get up and do the dishes that have collected in my room, or do a load of laundry, or respond to one email that has become an "impossible task."

Pushing individuals, who are in positions that give them the flexibility and work-life balance they need, into leadership is ableist. If someone has the spoons to do freelance or part-time work, it does not mean they have the spoons to run a department or organization. 

Finally, it can be ableist for anyone who prefers what others consider basic tasks. If someone really likes updating Excel sheets, putting food on shelves, or working a few days a week, they are still living up to their potential. 

How Can Professional Goals Be Reframed?

A professional goal could be framed as a goal for the organization; for example, providing noise-canceling headphones so that an employee can focus, or having a goal of cutting the number of meetings by a third. This would get closer to the intention of asking such questions: How can employees thrive in their roles? How can employees help the organization's bottom line?

May The Fourth Be With You ...

 

Today was this year DePaul Pop Culture Conference: A Celebration of Star Wars

(This is the DePaul Light Saber that they handed out at C2E2)

First I have to admit that while I am aware of Star Wars culturally 

I would not say it is one of my main fandoms LOL

But over all I had a good time like always.

I got to present first thing in the morning on the There’s a Balance: Star Wars Narratives panel. I presented on “Holiday Celebrations In A Galaxy Far, Far Away …” 

When compared to other holiday specials from the 1970s and 1980s, as well as other fandom holiday specials, the 1978 Special was neither memorable nor iconic, yet it does not deserve to be despised. Its plot was simplistic but no worse than other such specials, though the 1978 special did desperately need an editor. The Lego Star Wars Holiday Special (2020), Lego Star Wars: Terrifying Tales (2021), and Lego Star Wars: Summer Vacation (2022) have all addressed the first holiday special's pacing, narrative, and language flaws. So in conclusion, holiday celebrations in fandom and in a galaxy far, far away can have the Force be with them, even if they never will be classics.

If you want to read the paper I wrote, you can get this year's book (and support my favorite independent bookstore) here. 

Next, I got to the Academic Keynote, featuring Dr. Carmelo Esterrich, Columbia College-Chicago.

Dr. Carmelo Esterrich discussed looking at Star Wars in a context beyond what is typically thought about.

Beyond Universality:

While Star Wars is often considered universal, it is actually rooted in a very American context. Dr. Carmelo mentioned the series Star Wars Visions, which features shorts from celebrated animation studios from across the globe and looks at what Star Wars would look like in different national contexts. I have to say it looks really good, and I plan on watching some soon.

Beyond Monolithic

When many people think about Star Wars, they only think George Lucas was involved. It is important to consider all the people who collaborated on creating Star Wars: the cinematographer, the person who created the sound effects, etc. In addition, the Star Wars multiverse is not monolithic; for example, in the novels, there is much more LGBTQ+ content than in the movies.

Beyond Hierarchy

 

Many people see the Star Wars multiverse in terms of hierarchy, such as movies above everything else, live-action movies, or TV shows being above animated TV shows or comics, etc. In truth, we should consider all media. As Dr. Carmelo said, he sees Star Wars less in terms of cannon and more in terms of legends, and with legends, you often hear different versions of a legend without it being an issue of cannon.

Next, I attended the Continuity, Disconnection, and Transformations: The Transmedial, Paratextual, and Aural after lives of the Original Trilogy panel. 

 

Then was the Professional Keynote, featuring Claudia Gray, author of Star Wars: Bloodline, Leia, Lost Stars, Master and Apprentice, and more! Claudia Gray was a lot of fun. It was interesting to hear about her writing journey, from writing fanfiction to writing Star Wars novels. And that she chose Claudia for her pen name because of I Claudius. 

Next was The Cultural Center of the Universe: The Cultural Studies of Star Wars. which covered everything from queerness to gothic romance to simulated space flight. 

Next was The Empire: Politics, which explored The Use of Private Threat Actors by the Empire and Other Nation States, The Geneva Conventions in a Galaxy Far, Far Away, and “The Clone Wars as Anti-Enlightenment Text."

The last panel I went to was The Mythic Star Wars. It included discussions of mythic themes in the heroine’s journey of the Final Skywalker, The Monomyth of Inclusion: the Hero and Heroine's Journey, and The Power of Myth and Storytelling in Star Wars.