Intersections of Identity and Pride: Part 5 Disability

 

July is Disability Pride Month, which was the inspiration for starting this blog series about the intersections of pride and my various identities. In this last installment, I will be exploring my complex relationship to the idea of disability as an identity.

I want to be absolutely clear: Anyone who identifies as Disabled is Disabled.

Nobody should feel forced into disclosing their medical background, explaining why they identify as disabled, or otherwise proving they are disabled. We should always listen when someone says a space or community is not accessible for them and work to make our communities more inclusive for as many different people as possible.

On the other hand, I believe that there are many reasons why an individual might not identify as disabled. I do not think it always has to do with internalized ableism. It feels similar to how some of us who are aro, ace, or aroace identify as part of the queer community, whereas others do not. Both of which are valid choices.

My relationship to identifying as disabled depends on the situation. If an individual or group is acting like they have never known someone who is disabled, I will raise my hand and say, "Well, actually, since I am neurodivergent, I am disabled, which means I bet you do know people who are disabled. So let's continue to work to make this community more accessible for a wide range of people." But in general I don't go about my life identifying as disabled.

I also think part of my attitude comes from the point of view of someone who didn't know they were neurodivergent until later in life and who, for various reasons I mentioned in a previous blog post, is self-diagnosed. Growing up, I just thought everyone else was a little strange, and so I spent most of my time in epic crossover daydreams much bigger and bolder than anything found in "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty." So while I can recognize that I was always disabled, I also didn't feel disabled for most of my life.

I think identity is complex, and sometimes even if we objectively belong in a group, we don't necessarily identify as being part of that group. For example, I have Polish, German, Swiss, French, Austrian, Hungarian, Romanian, and Russian heritage but have zero connection to those cultural backgrounds, so I would not say I am, for example, Polish American. But I do not think I hold internalized anti-Polish sentiment or think that the word "Polish" is a bad word either. (There is an important refrain that "disabled" is not a bad word.)

I can see moments in my life where my neurodivergence disabled me, and there might have been an easier path if I had known I was neurodivergent, but I did not have the framework or language to identify with a feeling of being disabled. Like the Wentworth quote I started this series with, for me personally, the term "disabled" feels like one of those "identity outfits" that does not necessarily quite fit me in all situations.

I know that many of us who are neurodivergent dislike the idea of us being compared to aliens or robots. But since I grew up on science fiction and fantasy, I often felt like other people, especially my peers, were the aliens that I was observing. So I don't think I internalized the fact that my life looked different from others' as me failing, falling behind, or being less than them. My life looked different because we were different in a morally neutral way.

I feel like sometimes the term "internalized ableism" is used in a way that stops us from being curious about other people's experiences. I think some of the energy that is used to debate terms online would be better used to work on creating the systems and supports that those who do identify as disabled want and need.

But for example, having multiple accessible restrooms in all buildings or making it possible for those with disabilities to get married without major financial penalties feels more important than focusing on whether every individual who could benefit from such actions self-identifies as being disabled or not.

This month I have explored a number of my various identities. Some feel like they are my core identities, whereas some feel more like situational identities. In the end we all have intersectional identities that impact our lives in different ways. When it comes to identities in general, the best practice is to identify with identities that currently feel like they fit us well, while acknowledging that our relationship with those identities may and likely will change.