Intersections of Identity and Pride: Part 4 Being Neurodivergent

 

Looking back, I realize that it has been about 4 years since I first identified as being neurodivergent and about 5 years since I became truly aware of neurodivergence at all, which happened when Wentworth Miller shared his own neurodivergent identity. I have written several posts about my neurodivergent identity. 

The very first blog post I wrote on the topic was called "The Process of Recontextualizing Myself," where I went into why I started to identify as neurodivergent and why it took so long for me to do so. For my first Autism Acceptance Month, I wrote a blog post called "Autism Acceptance Month: My Journey" that summarized all the blog posts I had written up to that point about being neurodivergent. And for Autism Acceptance Month 2024, I wrote one called "Overview of My Personal Wibbly Wobbly Autistic Journey" which, looking back, is a surprisingly great summary of my path.

(The super quick summary: Wentworth Miller introduced me to neurodivergence; a questionable therapist was the catalyst for me accepting I was neurodivergent; fanfiction was the main way I explored what being neurodivergent looked like/could look like in my life; and Three Avenues Bookshop was one of the first communities where I felt my neurodiversity was celebrated and honored.)

After the self-discovery that I was autistic in my late 30s, it did not seem to make sense for me to get a formal diagnosis. (And when only last year the government was talking about creating "lists" of autistic people, it seemed to support my disinclination to proceed with a formal diagnosis.) This is why while I identify as autistic and would say I am proud to be autistic, I tend to use neurodivergent language to identify myself.

Since I do not have a formal medical diagnosis, I can experience identity-based impostor syndrome. While I am confident I am autistic, I am less clear whether I am only autistic or AuDHD or autistic and another flavor of neurodivergence, so my identity becomes more nebulous in my imagination.

Plus, I don't currently have the "spoons"/energy to dissect every poorly written diagnostic question. Those questions never actually provide all the context needed to answer them. So I am not likely to untangle the nebulousness around my identity any time soon. And fundamentally, I am ok with that.

(Finally, if you want to see an absolutely hilarious video about how unclear survey questions are (in this case depression screeners, but it's true for most screeners) for those of us who are neurodivergent, watch this video from Josh from re-Right.)