Belonging, Heartbreak, Hope

I am in the middle of processing the fact that tonight Pete Buttigieg suspended his campaign for president. I have written a little about how much Pete means to me previously but feel moved to write one more post. In the end, though I want to leave you with the knowledge that no matter what we all still belong here.

I was drawn to Pete for many different reasons. From amazing stories about him using his language skills to help a family at a hospital in South Bends, to how he captured my creative imagination (He and Chasten are characters in a whole range of my daydream fanfiction and we have been all over together: Hogwarts, B5, Torchwood, Doctor Who, ...) to how deeply he made me feel like I belong.

During his campaign he time and time again talked about the Crisis of Belonging which has led to the epidemic of mental health and other challenges. He made me much more aware of the mental health struggles in rural America (including the high prevalence of suicide there) and the struggles of Vets. He was a candidate who spoke to these issues in a way that the other candidates did not. He reminded me that no matter what I was personally experiencing, for good or for bad, I still belong. (And having a context for why Depression seems to visit me and visit so many of those I know, more frequently recently, was really soothing for me)

He made me proud to be an American, and connected to America, in a way I had not been before. (Deeper than even Hamilton: The Musical) I also ended up connected to politics in a way I had never been before. I had the opportunity to go to an event with Chasten, one with Pete, and be on 2 supporter calls and a supporter video call with Pete. I event helped text bank for him.

His and Chasten's love for each other made me even consider if partnered love was something I wanted for myself (verdict is still out) and his description of trying dating in his book led me to try this dating thing and go on my first date date (dating not my cup of tea).

I could go on and on how Pete and Chasten and Pete for America have touched my life but I did say I would end on hope. One way Pete and Chasten and the Campaign was able to stay so kind in the face of politics are the campaign's rules of the road.

These rules of the road will go on. These are still the things that matter in this world. These are still things that are real even when they seem impossible. While Pete may not be running for president in 2020 anymore, know that does not mean these rules are no longer valid.

Most important to me is remember You belong, I belong, We belong here in America. We can not allow any of the hate or racism or sexism or homophobia or transphobia or Islamophobia or anti-immigrant rhetoric ... to allow any of us to forget we belong.

We belong and we shall be bold and may we all find joy in that.

Dispatches from C2E2 #1

Day 1 C2E2 2020

Cosplay: Newt from Fantastic Beasts

Today was a Panel Heavy Day

Japanese Mythology, Folktales, and Urban Legends: 

This was just a fun panel listening to Japanese Mythology etc. Takeaway: Japanese Mythology is a melting pot of various traditions, Shintoism, Buddhism, ideas from China and Inda, etc.

Walter Koenig Spotlight:

You never know the impact you will have. A heartwarming story from a fan who was working a con and got invited by a friend to a meetup which happened to be in Harlen Ellison's room, when Ellison asked who allowed this fan in, Koenig spoke up and said he did (even though Koenig did not know the fan), this led to Ellison recognizing the fan at future events and helping them vocationally, and recently this fan published a short story of their own for the first time. So a simple speaking up for this random individual changed the individual's whole trajectory. A moment that Koenig has no remembrance of had amazing ripple effects. I think the lesson is we never know what our small actions can accomplish. 

RWBY Cast Q + A:

I had no background knowledge of RWBY (I actually thought that the letters were an acronym) and stayed so I would have a good seat for the next panel. Q + A was a lot of fun and I now want to look up this show and find a way to watch it. It looks like it is a lot of fun. The cast also spoke about how it is about highlighting the similarities between people, not the differences.

George Takei Spotlight:

So many stories we packed into a short amount of time including many about what happened to the cast afterward and the friendships they developed, "Time is Gifts, memories, and loss".

During the Q + A someone asked about his various interviews on the Howard Stern show which led to an amazing complex and intertwining story. 1st time he was on the show his publicist set it up and he knew nothing about the show, so when said Good morning Stern made a raunchy comment, at which point Takei said "Oh My", a recording which was used on the show long afterward, and is how "Oh My" become his catchphrase.

Takei then told his personal story of being in the closet, how you could not be out in Hollywood at the time, the hardships of that double life, and how and why he finally came out which was very moving. (He only came out openly in 2005 which was very surprising, I think I assumed when I first learned he was gay that he had been out since the very beginning, which knowing the historical context was a very illogical thought, and I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I know I sometimes forget how coming out used to be much more challenging then it is today)

So after Takei came out he was having conversations at campuses etc and realized he was speaking to mainly LGBTQ and allies. He wanted to reach more people and ended up speaking on the Howard Stern Show to reach an audience he would not have reached otherwise. As he said "Howard Stern is a decent guy, and Howard Stern's audience is raunchy but decent"

These Geeks Fight Fascism: (I was late because of the Takei panel) 

Everyone has a role to play in anti-fascist work, some to march some to talk to their grandmas. One key idea was the importance of standards and creating spaced that are welcoming which being clear who is not welcome in the spaces (racists, sexists, etc).  Ok to make spaces safe from certain conversations. When spaces feel safe and welcoming individuals can take bigger risks and trust their audiences. Life is political, Life can't be apolitical. If we can't see something we can't imagine it for ourselves. 

It's all geek to me: Queer Perspectives on Classical Art and Comics:

An interesting panel on the intersections of queerness, theater, and fandom/geekiness.

Other:

I got to see my C2E2 buddy Robbie Thompson :)

I got 3 free books, plus a sampler book, etc

I won a cool figpin of Miles Morales

Lent, Monty Python Monks, and Self-reflection

Lent is a season of self-reflection and self-exploration. It is also a time where many people choose to give up things or add other disciplines.

I am still finalizing my Lent plans but so far it looks like it will be filled with Buddhism (via a series of books by Thich Nhat Hanh on How to Walk, Sit, See, Relax, Fight and Love) and selections by Nineteenth-Century African American Women Writers (via a collection by Penguin Books.)

Lent is a season that often blurs the lines between self-reflection/self-exploration and just hitting oneself on the head like the Monks in Monty Python and The Holy Grail. Which while being funny is not a healthy way to spend a season. Too many of us are currently hitting ourselves on the head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4q6eaLn2mY

Don't be like the Monty Python Monks instead know that from starlight and stardust you come and starlight and stardust you go, and consider trying one of the 40 following lent activities:

Savoring: 

Take a hot shower

Have a cup of tea

Eat 1 piece of chocolate* and let it melt on your tongue 

*or yummy food of your choice

Give yourself a miny self-massage

Connecting:

E-mail or write a note to someone

Talk to someone you see every day

Join a group around something you love

Take a friend out for a cup of tea and conversation

Exploring:

Read one piece on a new topic each day

Learn about the experiences of those in an identity group not your own

Watch a Ted Talk or equivalent each day

Listen to a new type of music

Gratitude:

Keep a gratitude journal

Do a random act of kindness each day

Tell someone how they have impacted you

Meditate

Creating:

Create art in any form or medium or expression

Create home-cooked meals (or semi-homecooked meals)

Create a cozy nook in your house or apartment

Plant an indoor plant

Dreaming:

Daydream for an extended period of time

Create a vision board

Honor your dreams with a ceremony

Water the dreams of someone else

Moving:

Have a dance party

Yoga

Go for a walk

Stretch

Reflecting:

Journal

Sit in silence

Speak out loud what you are feeling/thinking 

Do a personal inventory

Seeking:

Seek how you can support yourself'

Seek how you can support others

Seek what makes you feel alive

Seek what makes others feel alive

Changing:

Change how you look at yourself

Change how you look at the world

Change how you look at others

Change something so it is more justice filled

My hope for you this Lent is you have a meaningful season of self-reflection.

Pete, Protest, and Belonging

I had the opportunity to go to Mr. Pete Buttigieg's campaign event today. (This summer I had the opportunity to go to an event with his husband which was also really impressive) It is hard to describe, it is like a presence which deep in your soul you know will always have your back and will always be by your side no matter what you are struggling with.

During the event today, there were protesters. I have been part of community organizing campaigns and understand diverse tactics are needed in any campaign but I felt the protester's outrage overran any clear messaging.

The first group started shouting in the middle of the event, wanting to discuss policing in South Bends. Pete first acknowledged the individuals who were protesting and said that he respected them and their protest but to also please respect the format of the event. (Those of us who were attending had submitted questions in advance and they were randomly pulled for him to answer, this was not an event where questions were being taken from the floor).

When this did not work Pete was able to pivot on the spot and allowed them to ask their question so that the event could continue. The question was not clear or concise (and the protesters did not have facts such as names correct) but Pete responded well, it was clear that the Eric Logan case is deeply personal for him.

Pete shared he and his office arranged community meetings around issues of safety and policing but he chose not to be physically present at those conversations because he knew that the conversations between all the various community actors would not have been productive if they were under a presidential media spotlight. You can't have hard conversations and process if anything you say might end up on the front page.

I was also impressed because once again he publically discussed and took responsibility for his own failures and political struggles as Mayor, which is really refreshing since most politicians have to do a song and dance and monologue and another song and dance before trying to sweep something under the run. Pete is wise, self-aware, and knows his own limitations, and is ready to reach out to those who have more knowledge or expertise in an area.

A second protest message was taken up after Pete was leaving the stage, so I did not see Pete's response but I know my own response to the chants of "Where is Gay Pete?" My first thoughts were what do they mean? and would my own Ace identity "count"? What counts and what does not count in terms of identity?

(This was at the forefront of my mind because of a recent situation where a celebrity came out as Ace (Adding it to their twitter summary, adding a bunch of asexual links, and tweeting "Aces -- It's the real me") but Wikipedia is refusing to accept the change made on their page because it is "unclear" what the celebrity means, and they want media coverage as "proof" before the page is changed)

I am not clear on what this second group of protestor's message was trying to convey. What policies or actions they were trying to criticize or bring attention to? What were they asking of Pete? Where did they think Pete's campaign needed to step up?

Instead of feeling like a policy or position issue, something which could be responded to it felt like they wanted him to somehow get a better grade on some Gay identity scorecard which is not how it works with any identity. Identity is not a multiple-choice test.

I know I personally felt that my own identity was being questioned and attacked by the protesters. Like I was being told that I was not good enough, that I was an imposter within my own identity. That while I was not the target of the protest I was still being told that I do not belong. This is one reason that protest tactics which are not connected to a clear ask can push people away. 

Pete often talks about belonging and the "Crisis of belonging" which has led to an increase in mental health issues and individuals self-medicating in unhealthy ways. Pete's campaign makes me feel like I belong in so many ways no matter what I am going through or struggling with. The tactics that were used by the protestors made me feel I did not belong, even within my own identities. Belonging. It all comes back to belonging.

How we all serve injustice ...

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

Today is the day we set aside to honor MLK Jr. Often this honor is expressed through quotes and memes or an hour or two of service. Today I suggest in addition we honor him by seeing that each and every one of us serves injustice in some way. (Yes you and Yes I and Yes us)

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”

We support and maintain systems of oppression. We say "well that is just the way that things are." We say "well we earned it." We say "yes there are problems but "we" are not apart of the problem." In truth, we all knowingly or unknowingly support these systems.

“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe nor politic nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him it is right.”

We fail to ask the right questions. Why are our communities and workplaces not diverse? What rules and regulations make this so? Where must we go to find those who have different life experiences?  Why do those of different races or faiths or backgrounds not feel welcome or safe in our spaces?

“We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.”

To fight the daily injustice that we all support will take radical thinking. What systems and institutions need to be pulled down so something better can grow? How can we hold ourselves accountable for our actions? What priveledges and opportunities do we have to deal with these systems and stand and walk and fight in solidarity with the least and the marginalized?

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

So today take a moment to more clearly see this society and world we live in and the challenges we face over and over and over again. This will be hard work. It won't be done with quotes or an hour or two here or there. There will be moments when the fight will seem too hard, not worth the effort, but we must remember:

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Lessons for us all

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided for various reasons to step back from their family's business as Royals. In no way am I an expert in "Royals" (and Yes Harry and Meghan will always have many privileges in terms of socio-economic factors that you may not have) but watching this unfold I see reminders we all should hear at the beginning of a new year and a new decade when so many of us have new dreams about what the next chapters in our lives might look like.

1. You can always stop, change, or pivot. Often we feel like there is nothing we can do about a situation, that we are stuck but that is not true. It may not be easy but it can be done.

2. Not all jobs are good fits for everyone. Your job on paper might be great but it still may be a poor fit for you. Sometimes you have to give up the shoulds in order to be your best.

3. Finding our own paths will challenge expectations. Your family may not understand, society may not understand, but in the end following your own path is important.

4. We don't know what others are going through unless we ask. Too often we find the choices that we or others take to be confusing or "out of the blue" but this is because we spend too little time talking to each other and really listening. 

5. "Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." Everyone no matter if they are famous or not, no matter if they have money or not, no matter if everyone knows there battle or not.

6. A meaningful life is a life filled with:

If you don't feel these things in your life then no matter how challenging, no matter your inner fears, no matter what anyone else says you need to stop, change, or pivot. Everyone deserves a meaningful and passion led life, everyone from Harry and Meghan to you to the stranger you don't know. Be Big, Bold, and Amazingly You 

Happy New Year, Happy 2020

As 2020 arrives we find ourselves in a time of new beginnings, a time to start again (and again, and again ...) a time to remind ourselves and others that we all belong here and we all are trying our best.  

While I have made some resolutions for this year (mainly tweaking my successful resolutions form last year) I also have once again selected a phrase for the year.

2019 my word for the year was magic, and for 2020 my phrase is "Live Lighter, Dive Deeper" 

I hope to live less encumbered, I have been doing some cleaning, donating, and unsubscribing to things. I am hoping to have more time and energy to put towards meaningful projects. 

I also hope to dive deeper into my relationships so I can lessen the "Crisis of Belonging" too many feel in the current day and age. 

Whatever you choose to do or not do for the new year and the new decade I am standing right by your side cheering you on. Always remember You are wonderful. You are loved. You belong. 

I am leaving you with Happy New Year Message I wrote. Happy New Year. May it be a great one for you.

Happy New Year 

Another year ends 

Another decade begins 

Another turning of time 

No matter what tomorrow brings 

No matter what the year to come brings 

No matter what the decade to come brings 

Burn the candles, Drink the tea, Read the books 

Make “Someday” today. Remember to just breathe 

In and Out and In and Out 

In and Out Again 

And Make Good Art (1) 

You are wonderful. 

You are loved. 

You belong. 

*quietly confident in the manifold gifts you possess, 

Both known and unknown to you* 

Right behind you. You got this. (2) 

You are wonderful. 

You are loved. 

You belong. 

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and (know) someone thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. 

And I hope, somewhere in the next year, You surprise yourself. (3) 

You are wonderful. 

You are loved. 

You belong. 

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. (4) 

You are wonderful. 

You are loved. 

You belong. 

Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, do it. (5) 

You are wonderful. 

You are loved. 

You belong. 

Happy Happy New Year 

1 Neil Gaiman Wisdom, 2 Lin-Manuel Tweet, 3 Neil Gaiman Former New Year’s Wish, 

4 Neil Gaiman Former New Year’s Wish, 5 Neil Gaiman Former New Year’s Wish