Our Relationships With Healthcare

 

I have been reading a lot of books about being Autistic this month and I have been reminded of how many of my identities have had complex histories with health care. Just thinking about how pathologized so many of my identities (Ace/LGBTQA+, Autistic/Neurodivergent, Female Identified, Overweight …) have been historically and still are today can be a bit overwhelming.

The more I think about it the more I think I understand why I prefer healthcare in an informal setting. This looks like health groups doing tests such as blood pressure, cholesterol, rapid blood sugar, A1C, oral cancer screening, bone density tests… at street festivals, self care events, etc. 

I go in and I get data about my health, but I am not judged and I know I won't see that particular health care person ever again, and I don't have to worry if there will be any hidden costs that insurance won't cover. I find informal healthcare settings to be must less stressful and anxiety producing for me than formal health care settings. 

I have found my recent experiences in more formal healthcare settings have been more problematic. I have to say I was only able to see why I struggled in these situations in hindsight and not during the actual interactions which just felt odd or off to me but I did not have the language to say why. 

A Recent Example Of Struggling In The Healthcare Setting:

A year and a half ago I decided to go to a doctor for an simple annual physical. Nothing was wrong I just got "points" through my insurance for doing so. The whole experience left a very bad taste in my mouth. Over COVID I had gained a few pounds like most people did but this doctor was sure that it meant I had a whole host of medical issues, put those medical conditions into my file before even doing blood work, told me she was sure that my blood work would come back horribly (it came back absolutely fine) because she didn't trust any of the various work ups I had had done previously*, and since I don't shave looked at me and told me that my body hair was excessive and even put it in my medical chart and seemed shocked that no one else had noted my excessive body hair. 

So before the blood work was taken she had already assigned me three or four medical conditions and was starting to put in prescriptions for drugs. When my blood work came back she said it was perfectly fine, all my numbers looked good but she still was like I want to see you in like 2 weeks so we can keep tabs on everything because I don't know your history (again I had brought results from other clinics and doctors I had visited in recent years*) Lets say I did not return and dropped her as my primary care doctor and picked someone else that should work with my insurance but I have not given them a try because of this experience. 

Now I am guessing it was because I was overweight that she was sure I was unhealthy but it might have been my neurodivergence (even though I did not know I was neurodivergent at the time) which might meant I responded to her questions in a way that was not what she was used to. But the deeper I dive into the history of all my identities the more I see those identities pathologized or misunderstood**. So I am taking the time to think about my own experiences with health care and how those experiences may or may not have impacted how I view healthcare. 

*And I totally understood she wanted her own tests because she thought they were more sensitive/better but looking at the slightly less sensitive tests that came back fine and jumping to the conclusion that I must be in horrible health bothered me. 

** For example how my school and doctors at the time worried when in elementary school or middle school said I had no interest in sex. They were worried that there was something wrong with me because I was not interested in sex. I understanding neither I nor they understood I was simply Ace (and the term Ace did not even exist then) but just the fact they were medically worried that a middle schooler was not interested in sex shows I was misunderstood.