World Mental Health Day

 

World Mental Health Day is an international day for global mental health 

Education, awareness, and advocacy against social stigma. 

I have written blog posts filled with facts and figures, 

Filled with YouTube videos of celebrities talking about mental health, 

Ones exploring mental health and its intersections with characters and fandoms. 

This time I have ended up simply writing a poem to mark the day 

because that is all the "spoons" I have today.

May we all have a meaningful World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day

By Dreaming Ace

Today is World Mental Health Day

A Day to examine our own mental health

And that of our friends, family, communities

Some of us can say we are thriving today

Many more of us would say we are struggling,

We have been struggling, we will continue to struggle

Mental health is not simple, nor easy, nor always clear

What tricks work one day might do harm the next

Sometimes fresh air and rest and nutritious food

Are all that is needed, other times those are impossible

Impossible tasks that only bring more grief and pain

Some of us can mediate or journal or talk to a therapist

Others need to dance or run or create their feelings out

Some need to process and understand their Trauma

Others need to find safety and security and belonging first

Some have the supports and resources to heal

Others have to heal on their own since systems are broken

Personally I often daydream

Personally I often lean on fandoms

Personally I often borrow wisdom / mantra of others

“Gentle, gentle, slow, slow, thoughtful, thoughtful, flow, flow”*

As my north star when the path is covered in shadows

“Gentle, gentle, slow, slow, thoughtful, thoughtful, flow, flow”*

But that does not mean I never feel stuck

But that does not mean I never feel lost

But that does not mean I never feel alone

So if you feel stuck you are not alone in feeling stuck

So if you feel lost you are not alone in feeling lost

So if you feel alone, you are not alone in feeling alone

If you are feeling tired That Is OK

If you are feeling energized That Is OK

If you are feeling somehow That Is OK

Today is World Mental Health Day

A Day to examine our own mental health

And that of our friends, family, communities

A day to honor however we are really doing

A day to honor however we are really feeling

A day to honor our and our communities mental health

Today is World Mental Health Day

*From old Instagram posts by Wentworth Miller

Happy October

October Has Arrived

By Dreaming Ace

October has arrived

Bringing a month of magic

Natural magic: Changing Leaves

Wellness magic: Teas and Soups

Joyous magic: Stories and Tales

A time when the line between

Past and Present and Future

Natural and Supernatural

What is, What could be

Is Thinner, Is Liminal

October has arrived

Bringing a month of magic

I love celebrating the magic month of October.

For me, it doesn't matter if it is the magic of watching and feeling the weather change, the magic of a nice warm cup of tea or hot cocoa, the magic of a yummy cooking project using up what I have, or the magic that only good stories in all their forms can bring. I enjoy celebrating magic in all its forms, shapes, and squiggles. 

I am planning on doing one magic/supernatural/Halloween activity all 31 days of October. I read supernatural stories; I go to apple festivals, fall festivals, and Halloween festivals; I go to a wonderful series of Terror Tuesday Talks at the library on the history of horror films. 

For example yesterday I read a few stories from We Mostly Come Out at Night: 15 Queer Tales of Monsters, Angels & Other Creatures which seems a fitting choice to start with as a magic / supernatural / Halloween activity and a LGBTQ History Month activity. I am looking forward to all the ways I can incorporate magic into my October.

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

Speaking Up About Supports Is Important

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

I am neurodivergent, and personally, I know that I can struggle to recognize and name what supports would be useful for me in different situations. I think this comes from the fact that I masked so long before knowing I was neurodivergent, so I am used to simply figuring out how to manage instead of trying to figure out how I can thrive in such situations. Yesterday I was able to recognize the usefulness of certain supports (in this case using a walking/hiking stick when I was dealing with a cold). I then decided to share what supports I used with a wider audience as part of my daily #selfcarechronicle on Instagram. 

As I wrote yesterday:

Today #selfcarechronicle was both

Another wonderful @threeavenuesbookshop summer reading challenge park meetup (and let's say there were some very active, inquisitive and entertaining kids and young adults running around the park tonight 😂😆😂)

AND

Celebrating personal supports. I have been fighting a cold or something so not feeling 💯 and since today was at the farthest park in the park meetup loop I both took the brown line and brought a walking stick I had.

Felt a little silly using a walking stick but it made walking easier which is the point of all supports making life easier. And I think we need to more often share what supports we use with others. Celebrating 🎉 supports helps us all.

What did you do for #selflove today?

What did you do for #joy today?

My #carechronicle is based on ones #wentworthmiller used to do on social media

I got enough positive feedback about my Instagram post that I decided to expand it into this blog post. As I wrote, I will say at first I felt a bit silly using a walking stick (which I found for free in my ally years ago) because I didn't feel that horrible, just a little off balance. The fact that I felt this doubt about using a support that I already had (I didn't have to ask anyone for it) and which no one in Chicago was going to care I was using made me realize that we collectively need to start to speak out more about the supports we use, especially those we only use some of the time. 

For me, speaking out meant including my walking stick in my Instagram photo and pointing out the reason it was there. In other cases, it might be explaining that I am going to be stimming by swaying side to side and making sure I am not blocking someone else. For someone else, it might be explaining why they have coloring/writing materials at an event because it helps them focus. The more everyone is open about the supports they are using, the more we all can be supported. 

Figuring out what supports are useful, finding those supports, and then being encouraged to use those supports freely is really hard to do as an individual, but collectively we have a better chance of crowdsourcing our way into thriving. It does not matter if we need such supports only today or if we need them every day; we should strive to create a world where using the supports we need to thrive becomes the norm for everyone.

How Do We Define Idolizing?

A friend on Facebook shared the blog post Please Don’t Idolize Me (or Anyone, Really) by John Scalzi which is an interesting read but led me to the question how do we define idolizing?

For example:

There are a number of characters (or non-fictional people I have created fictionalized personas of inside my head) who have become deeply embedded into how I navigate the world. I often talk about how they are my parasocial support network. No matter what I am experiencing or how I need to get that experience out of myself, they are there for me inside my imagination (or inside the fanfiction I read).

They are malleable enough to always be what I need, whether that is someone who has had a similar experience, someone to give me a hug, someone who will patiently help me brainstorm how to improve my executive functioning, or simply someone to help me name my own experience, etc.

I do not see these people as perfect as in without flaws, but sometimes I do see them as "situationally perfect," as in this person has talked about having similar experiences to me, and therefore I feel like they are "perfectish" for understanding what I need in this situation.

I feel like I get a similar level of comfort from these people as those who are said to "idolize" others. Which goes back to my original question: How do we define idolizing?

• Is going back to a particular quote or speech whenever I have forgotten how to be human or how to exist considered idolizing?
• Is using characters/fictional personas to center myself when I need a safe space to express what I am feeling considered idolizing?
• Is knowing that the versions of people inside my head are always available for a deep-pressure hug or simply to hold me as we sit in silence considered idolizing?

I agree that we should not "idolize" others, as in think they are perfect, never make poor choices, never do anything wrong, but I also know that as someone who can struggle to connect with other people, I tend to deeply embed people (characters and non-fictional people I have created fictionalized personas of in my imagination) into my reality, and honestly, I am not sure how I would navigate a world where that was not true.

High Hopes For A "Gentle, Gentle" August

 

July ended up being overwhelming and overstimulating for me for a number of reasons. By the end of the month, my mental health was struggling. So I was really grateful when, at the start of August, I saw a post by Chasten Buttigieg about him and Pete canvassing for Harris, and he chose to use "High Hopes" as the music that went along with the post. Pete's song really feels like a good anthem for August for me. 

I’m starting August with High Hopes*

By Dreaming Ace

I’m starting August with High Hopes*

Thank you Chasten for using it in a post

Being reminded of the joy of My Pete’s song** 

Feels like an amazing way to start a new month

May High Hopes help bring shifting

May High Hopes help bring energizing

May High Hopes help bring “Gentle, Gentle”**

May High Hopes help bring centeredness

May High Hopes help bring rootedness

High Hopes is the joyful noise that I need to hear

To Reboot my mental health, Reboot my physical body, 

Reboot my hope and dreams and desires and vision too

Reboot, Renew, Refresh every single bit of my tired being

High Hopes is the joyful noise that I need to hear

May High Hopes help bring shifting

May High Hopes help bring energizing

May High Hopes help bring “Gentle, Gentle”

May High Hopes help bring centeredness

May High Hopes help bring rootedness

I’m starting August with High Hopes*

Thank you Chasten for using it in a post

Being reminded of the joy of My Pete’s song** 

Feels like an amazing way to start a new month

*https://youtu.be/fH_OnJk6QqU?si=nETzTmtEemeJvjez

** Pete Buttigieg used the song High Hopes in his 2020 campaign run

*** From a Instagram post by Wentworth Miller from a few years ago

I was also reminded of Pete’s “Rules of the Road.” I am going to try to incorporate Pete’s “Rules of the Road.” into my August. For example, I am hanging up my "Rules of the Road" poster once again. I am grateful that my Pete has been getting lots of press recently as a possible VP candidate. While I have no idea how that will sort itself out, I know the Pete will thrive anywhere. Being reminded of "High Hopes" and the "Rules of the Road" was exactly what I needed. I feel like if I have "High Hopes" and I have Pete’s “Rules of the Road,” I am likely to have a much more "gentle, gentle" August than my July ended up being. 

Pete’s “Rules of the Road”

By Dreaming Ace

Was recently reminded 

Of Pete’s “Rules of the Road”

The rules that we used to

Guide us, Guide our actions 

Guide us through politics

Guide us through life itself

Guide us to be our best selves

Pete’s “Rules of the Road”

Respect, 

Belonging, 

Truth, 

Teamwork, 

Boldness, 

Responsibility, 

Substance, 

Discipline, 

Excellence, 

And Joy

A ton may have changed

Since 2020 but still I think

These rules of the road

Are a great place to start

I am going to try to determine

How I can focus on these rules

Over the course of this August

To Reboot, Renew, Refresh

Overall Very Enjoyable Opening Ceremony

I watched the Olympics Opening Ceremony this afternoon (I did not watch the prime-time version). Overall, I thought it was an enjoyable and lighthearted opening ceremony, but I see lots of people on social media do not agree. 

Personally, I really enjoyed that it felt like they were following the writing advice to show, not tell. Many opening ceremonies are all about how the host country is clearly the best country since before fire was discovered. This one was more like here are all the things we are known for: buildings, art, music, theater, film, love, etc. You make your own mind about us.

I do wish I knew who the person dressed as a version of Spider-Gwen was climbing the buildings. But I loved that poly relationships were included in the Love section. (I say it was a poly relationship/ ménage à trois.) The opening ceremony also had a much more international feel; as the commentors said during my viewing, normally the flame is carried by only members of the host country; in this case, multiple countries were represented.

I liked the use of boats for the typically very boring walking in part* because it was interspersed with performances. It felt like we were just walking along the Seine, taking in the sights.

I do think 4 hours was long for me, and some of the pacing felt a bit uneven. In the beginning they would do a performance, 3-5 boats would go by, then do another performance. There was a middle section with just boats, which felt like it needed more performances.

Also on a totally personal note, the focus of the commentators on the USA athletes got old for me pretty quick. We have one or two stories I care about, but we are not the underdogs; we are going to win lots of medals because we always do. 

I wanted more focus on all the cool other countries that have never won a medal, never won a gold, or overcame the most to be here, such as those from countries actively being attacked, actively experiencing geocide, the Refugee Olympic Team etc.

(* Let me be clear I am saying watching them walk in can be boring, not that anyone from those countries is boring, nor that everyone should not have their moment in the spotlight.)

How I am Personally Mourning a Problematic Person ...

 

I have no formal training, and I am not a therapist, even if I have listened to podcasts that talk about therapy. In addition, each individual case of problematic behavior impacts each individual fan in different ways. This blog post is just part of my personal processing process.

I am so tired of people being problematic. I am writing this post as evergreen content, so I am intentionally not using names because: a) This post is about how often this occurs; b) It doesn't feel like giving the person any press is a good idea no matter what outcome is; c) It is still a bit unclear exactly how many extremely poor and problematic choices were made; d) A tiny irrational part of me believes that if I don't name names, maybe the general message will go out in the universe and fewer people I care about will be found to be problematic. Yes, I know that is not how this works, but let me keep my hope, please.

Backstory:

This weekend, I learned there are very serious allegations against an author whose work has really impacted who I am and my worldview. Whose characters are some of my go-to parasocial relationships. Whose characters are the people I turn to when I want to process the world or am feeling too many big emotions. 

You would really think that considering how many creative people have been found to be very problematic, there would be more resources for us to tap into, but they don't really exist, or at least don't exist, in the numbers they should for how often it happens. So here is a very imperfect attempt to create some of those resources.

1. This Sucks

This sucks. This sucks. This sucks. (Fill in will a long line of your favorite swear words) 

2. Why It Feels Different This Time

Personally, for me, this one hits much closer than others I have experienced over the years. Other fandoms I was not as invested in were easier to cut all ties with because the problematic behavior outweighed whatever joy I got from their work. In addition, this one also cuts deeper because, and I know how this sounds, they seemed like a good person who was uplifting and supporting many marginalized communities.

I know many people who are what I hope is still cynical, and they just assume everyone is problematic, and if we have not heard about it, it is because they are better at covering it up, but personally, stories and characters and the people who bring those stories and characters to me are so important to me that I don't know how not to love certain works and characters deeply.

Note: For anyone who is not involved in the fandoms impacted, please understand why we are mourning, even if you are not mourning the same way, and show us kindness and compassion, please. For some of us, particular fandoms are where we feel most able to be ourselves, and having those safe spaces tainted by problematic people is hard.

Note: I apologize to other fandoms who have gone through this which were not my fandoms so I doubt I was compassionate enough because I did not truly understand how much that fandom meant to you. Jumping to cut all ties was much easier for me so I do not think I fully honored or respected  your big feelings.

3. Remembering It Is Out Of My Hands

I "know" there is no causation nor correlation, but my heart, emotions, and feelings are struggling because at a recent book club we read a book where the author brought up the idea that everyone is problematic, and if we have not heard about it, it is because they are better at covering it up. At the book club, I was like everyone can't be problematic, and while I didn't say or even think about the current individual, when I said that not everyone is problematic on some level, it felt like I put it out in the universe, and the universe was like, Well, now it will turn out one of your people will be problematic to prove you wrong and show everyone is. 

4. Remembering I Don't Control Others

Coming off of number 3, I know that it was not the fact that I cared deeply about the fandom or thought the person was a good person that caused them to turn out to be problematic, but my heart, emotions, and feelings are struggling. 

Honestly, for the last several days, I have tried not to think about other people or fandoms that mean a lot to me because I didn't want to bring them to the attention of the universe. I have wanted to keep them safe since no one knows who is next to turn out to be problematic.

I know my love is not what causes problematic behavior, nor is there some creature who will read my mind and strike down someone because I care, but honestly, right now, thinking about things I love feels risky or scary.

I am processing these thoughts because leaning on other characters or fandoms in this time of need makes sense. During these tough times, I need my comfort characters even more.

5. TBD

I am still in the thick of this and am still trying to process. How I will navigate the future is unclear. I very briefly talked to someone who is a therapist as their day job and they mentioned decoupling the wisdom I have gain for the problematic person's characters from the problematic person.

6. Right now I am leaning towards*:

• Not buying any of the problematic person's works moving forward
• Not promoting the problematic person, even though some of their quotes have been go-tos for me.
• Keeping the works I have, it might be a long time before I feel comfortable re-reading them, but the books quietly sitting on my shelf are not supporting the problematic person. The same is true for other media on platforms such as YouTube, where a video is not directly supporting the problematic person.
• I feel personally that relatively soon I will continue to read fanfiction stories in fandoms that the person was involved in since the problematic person gets no financial benefit from random stories on AO3, and reading fanfiction anonymously doesn't feel like any statement of agreement with the problematic actions.
• Related to the above, I have written a few fanfiction stories that include some of the characters in the works by the problematic person, honestly more as set pieces, but I feel like I can keep them up because that seems like an okay way of separating the creator from the work since the problematic creator gets no real benefit from the fanfiction stories a few handfuls of people have read.
• I do think inside my head I will still lean on some of the characters created by the problematic creator, because if they remain in my head, I can get the comfort I need while not supporting the problematic person in any real way. 

*Everyone will make different personal choices about how they relate to works created by problematic people. Also in this case it is not the works themselves that have been found to be problematic just the creator in other situations other choices will be made.