Encanto: Speaking About Things We Don't Talk About

I watched the delightful Encanto with my roommate this weekend (shout out to friends of friends willing to share logins) and it gave me a lot of food for thought. 

Note: I am white so my interpretation is my own interpretation and processing, and probably misses a lot of the nuance of the story. When in doubt about interpretation listen to someone who shares a closer cultural identity to the film. 

I read a fascinating essay that looks at the character of  "Bruno" through a mental health lens and what he represents in many family dynamics. The person or fact that no one talks about within a family. This idea of what we don't talk about is woven throughout the story and we keep hearing about the impact of not talking.

I would say we all have "Bruno(s)" we don't talk about:

• Mental Health Struggles We Don't Talk About Bruno
• Not feeling like we really belong  Waiting On A Miracle
• Feeling that we have to hold everything together Surface Pressure
• A need to be seen as being perfect What Else Can I Do?
• How we are really doing/processing/mourning/feelings/when we need support/help
• Anytime we feel lost, broken or less than an absolutely amazing human being.

And this all ties into a episode of Queer Eye I watched recently that explored the difference between existing and actually living fully which connected to what I am learning as I lean into my New Year's resolution that "It does not have to be prefect."

As I have been processing here at the start of 2022 I have realized that I used busyness as an avoidance tactic. Oh I will read 90+ books and listen to uncountable podcasts and be "A doctor, and a lawyer, and a chemical engineer on the weekends" and and and ... more so I could say that I had done so than because it is really bringing me joy or that the activities are really "Hell Yes" activities. 

For example my flavor of mental health struggle is what I might call "Chronic Languishing" with occasional swirls of darker depression symptoms (but the exact term is not what is important nor exactly how many boxes I can check off and if I can check off enough at any given time to be considered struggling with mental health)

The key is I often find that I am not flourishing, where I feel like I am a record stuck in a groove, or in the words of another Disney film not knowing when my life will begin. Or as I put when someone else asked in a different context:

I have created a little den and I have been hibernating in the liminal space and it is a pretty cozy den but there is a drip coming from somewhere and it is pretty drafty, and I have misplaced the door, and am a bit hazy on how to get out or why going out into the wilds of outer space is a good idea. Why being "here, here" is important and how to live and thrive and not just exist.

But this often is a "Bruno" that I don't talk about because people tend to overreact and worry about my safety or look at me in confusion and go but you look happy. Neither which is particularly helpful when I am languishing.

I know that A Cover Is Not the Book and we are all struggling with our own stuff and I try to turn to those who can help me Trip a Little Light Fantastic characters, actors, writers, historical figures, friends who understand because they carry their own "Brunos" and have have talked about those "Brunos". 

Like the ending song in Encanto we often learn what we need to do is talk about our "Brunos" with others so we can lay a new foundation and find new ways to be community with and without the gifts we hope for. Talking about our "Brunos" is important for us all.

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot ...

In our neighborhood the city is planning work which will mean the removal of close to 30 trees that are over 100 years old. This really feels like an example of "paving paradise to put up a parking lot" There has been a local effort to change the cities mind and we have been talking to our alderman (FYI alderman are the local level officials in Chicago) but he has limited power.

As posted on the Facebook group: West Lakeview Trees:

We are working to save our matures trees from being destroyed as part of water main work scheduled for immediately after the holidays, and to also set a precedent for other neighborhoods. We do not want to have the same kind of destruction here that has happened in Andersonville and other areas. Currently, all the trees on the east side of Paulina St. between Roscoe St. and Belmont St. as well many trees on surrounding streets will be cut down unless alternatives are found.

We have been writing emails and contacting anyone who might be able to stop the project for a moment such as City COO Paul Goodrich (paul.goodrich@cityofchicago.org) and saying:

We are writing to express our strong opposition to the Department of Water Management's plans to cut down at least 29 mature trees in the 47th Ward starting next week as part of the water-main replacement work on Paulina and surrounding streets.

The Department of Water Management has not completed a thorough investigation into available, less-destructive alternatives to traditional trenching that would spare these important trees. This project should be stalled until that investigation is completed to the satisfaction of the community and Alderman Martin.

You have the power to stop this project from moving forward. I urge you to do what's right and to delay this work until a fair exploration of alternatives is conducted.

We have numinous reasons the project should be paused including but not limited to:

• Tree's importance for the wider ecosystem
• Tree's ability to keep our neighborhoods cooler in the summer
• Trees help absorb runoff rain water so there is less flooding
• Trees increase property values
• There are a wide range of alternatives that would save the trees
• There are cheaper alternatives that other cites nearby have used 

Over all when we have asked for a pause and for all options to be shared the response from the government has felt something like:

We have always done it with trenches that destroy all the nearby trees and we don't want to deal with considering other options even if it would save us money. This is how we do it period and we won't change our minds no matter what you say.

Also we need to do it right now because we don't want to bother rescheduling, we can't tell you why we need to do it right now and not wait a month and see if there are other options, but we need to do it right now (maybe because if we wait you will get more organized against it?)

But as the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) Said: 

"The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common - they don't change their views to fit the facts. They change the facts to fit their views, which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs changing."

And you can make your own conclusions which of the two above categories the upper level political figures here in Chicago fall into (or what ratio of the categories they fall into)

We are still fighting, still trying to get our voices heard but come Monday they might "pave paradise and put up a parking lot." I know politics is complicated at every level and there are lots of other things on the political table but the destruction of our trees when there are other options that could and should be explored just feels like an unnecessary way to hurt us.

So if you have any secret Chicago government powers please help and if not please send positive energy that will lead to an New Year's Carol where those in charge will have a change of heart and will save our trees.

Warming Up With Wisdom

 

Today was a chilly cold day and I was not sure what to write today and then sometimes when you do not know what to write a post pops up to inspire you. 

The above picture (which is not super clear sorry) highlights those days when everything is more steps then normal comparing "good" days when making a cup of coffee involves one step: making coffee and "bad" days when making a cup of coffee is a 14 step process: Step 1 Take pot from coffee maker, Step 2. Turn on sink, 3. Fill up coffee pot, 4. Turn off sink ....

Now sometimes I have this type of day, but more often I have the cousin to the multistep day the impossible task day where anything or everything seems impossible. Where I simply can't send one email, or make one call, or do anything beyond fussing around on social media or listening to music. 

Impossible task days are hard but as someone else wrote in a different social media post a few weeks ago sometime it is worth just doing the impossible task (in that case a broken window that stayed broken for years and years and turned out to be fixable by the owner pretty cheaply, the window did not have to open just let the light in)

My recently example is a choice to step back from a volunteer leadership role that was no longer serving me well. Rustling up the courage to send the email saying I was interested in stepping back from the leadership role but still willing to participate in activities that group had (moving from planning and participating to just participating)  was hard but once I did I felt better. 

I also got a really nice note back saying in part:

Thanks for reaching out. We're happy to have you as a member in the capacity you can sustain at this time, and we so appreciate all the support you've given us from day one. Have a wonderful day!

Which made me feel better, and less worried I was letting others down.  

In the end I think if we all were more open about multistep days as well as impossible task days we are better able to show compassion towards ourselves, towards others, and know when such days hit us for a number of reasons we are not alone in our struggle. 

Happy 2022: Change is Challenging

In is officially 2022. 

My theme this year is "it does not have to be prefect" which is part of a long quote from the 100th ep of Legends of Tomorrow. In past years I have had themes such as "Drink the tea, Burn the Candles, Use the lotion" or "Belonging, Boldness, and Joy"

My "star word" is "Look". A pastor friend had drawn "star words" for people for several years now. In the past I have gotten Clarity and Prepare. Since this years DePaul Pop Culture conference is on Sherlock I am taking "look" to mean I really have to observe my inner and outer world.

My focus is being more present. And this is where the idea that change is challenging is highlighted for me. I found especially towards the end of 2021 I was in the habit of "procrastination productivity" (Thank you "Make Your Dame Bed" podcast for this term)

I was doing things just to tick off to-dos from my list, or so I could say I did x number of y thing this year. Or again in the words of legends of tomorrow I realized I need to focus on the "And having a hell of a good time doing it." part of the equation.

As I have been processing how I can be more present (trying not to do a million things at one time, for example enjoying breakfast not eating while checking emails and listening to a podcast all at the same time) I have come to realize just how much I was using "busyness" to fill my days, and busyness that was just busyness not busyness that was really meaningful or purposeful.

But moving from busyness to meaningfulness is hard!!! This also ties into the book I have read as my last book every year for the past 5-6 years. The book is "Hell Yes" and reminds us that if activities are not "Hell Yes" activities they are "Hell No" activities which gets rid of a lot of the gray messy hard to choose stuff.

So one way to see the challenges I am experiencing right now is I know when tasks are not "Hell Yes" activities in a particular moment (for example if I am reading or listening to something and realize I have zoned out and don't know what I was reading or what was said it is a good sign it is not a "Hell Yes" right now) but in those moments I am not sure what a "Hell Yes" activity would be.

So as I sit with "it does not have to be perfect" I find I am often sitting in uncomfortableness because I am so used to staying busy. My challenge is finding meaningful and purpose filled activities to fill my days that I can be proud of in say a years time 

For example I know deleting x email is sometimes important but never will be meaningful and even doing things I enjoy like reading is not meaningful if I am reading just to say I read x books and not because I really want to read the books. I am also seeing how this "procrastination productivity" was hurting my mental health.

The New Year brought up some emotions and feelings for me because I was working so hard to accomplish things before the end of the year that when it was a new year I felt a bit lost or unmoored. It was a new year but I did not have any major new plans. It was a new year but I felt a little like I was just starting a time loop once again.

I am trying to process and really think about what I want from 2022. How not to get stuck in busyness for the sake of busyness, as well as what I can do in those moments to feel good about myself. I am finding it is much more challenging than simply picking my theme and going full speed ahead with in. But then we all know all change is hard and we need to be gentle on ourselves as we determine what we want tomorrow to look like.

And this post does not have any magic this is how to solve all your problems magic formula but I hope it is a reminder that all change is challenging, so if you find you are struggling with resolutions or themes or "star words" or goals or wishes or hopes for the new year you are not alone. You are never alone. Together we will figure this all out. I will leave you with my my 2022 New Years message. Have a wonderful 2022.

Another new year is before us

And we don’t know what it will look like

What challenges we will face, What amazingness we will achieve

What timelines or multiverses will go wibbly wobbly

So we should focus on what matters

Moments where (we are) doing what (we) need to do

to make sure that (we) vibrate at the right frequency …

things that are small, doable, affordable, and that nourish (us). (1)

You won’t be doing it alone.

We are all just trying to figure out this being human thing together.

It’s not always going to be easy.

And you know sometimes you’ll feel like you’re out of your mind

Or that the darkness is too much to bear.

But it’s worth fighting the darkness to discover who you really are.

And not just for yourself.

So you can create a better world for everyone.

Now, you’re gonna make some mistakes.

There’s no formula to guide the way.

No destiny to surrender to.

It’s not about being perfect.

It’s about doing what you know is right.

And having a hell of a good time doing it.

That’s what it means to be alive.

And to be a Legend.

Welcome to the team. (2)

Make the plan, Execute the plan,

Expect the plan to go off the rails,

Throw away the plan. (3)

*quietly confident in the manifold gifts you possess,

both known and unknown to you*

Right behind you.

You got this. (4)

Happy New Year

1.Wentworth Miller | Full Q&A | Oxford Union Society

2.DC's Legends of Tomorrow - WVRDR_ERROR_100

3.Leonard Snart from The Flash - Infantino Street

4.Lin- Manuel Miranda Tweets

Goodbye 2021/Hello 2022

 

2021 is counting down, and tick by tick, tock by tock, tick tock, tick tock 2022 is on its way. No one knows what 2022 will bring. What adventures and what challenges. What joys and what sorrows. This is a good time to pause and reboot. 

For some this means making resolutions (if so I would suggest listening to some of the recent short talks on the Make Your Damn Bed podcast on Spotify Resolutions, Resolutions 2, New Years) 

For some this means picking a theme (My theme for 2022 is "It does not have to be perfect")

For some this means taking on a challenge for Jan such as Yoga with Adriene's Free Move program, trying a short meditation each day, or if you are one of those people who typically drinks having a dry January.

For some this means reviewing the year past and seeing our accomplishments and where we need to make small tweaks to get where we want to be. 

2021 has been a year. I accomplished some things I would never of guessed, and did not get to things I thought I would this year. It has both felt like the fastest year of all time as well as the slowest year of all time. I had plans but we know what we need to do with plans (throw them out.) 

I do not know what 2022 will bring (no one does), but I am ready to face what ever may come. I wish you all a meaningful and bold and joy filled New Years that fills you with belonging and Love.

Advent Week 4: Joy

 

This is the final week of Advent and this week's theme is Joy.

What do you do for yourself to have joy in your life?

Joy

Joy Ever

Joy Forever

Joy Forever Growing

Joy Forever Growing Bigger and Bolder

Joy Forever Growing

Joy Forever

Joy Ever

Joy

Joy can look like a million different things

So seek the small actions that bring you Joy

I wish you a season filled with Joy

Deep meaningful and wonderful Joy

Longest Nights ...

 

Soon it will be the longest night

Though many of us have been living

In such a moment for time upon time

Times when the night is longer than the day

Times when there is doubt the sun will rise again

Times where a winter chill blows through

Bodies and Minds and Spirits

This is not a night for certainty

Nor for platitudes or common sayings

This is not a night to be rushed

Or skipped over in our hustle or bustle

Instead this is a night 

To sit, To watch, To wait

And maybe to hope

Soon it will be the longest night

And while we do not know for certain

If the sun will return to the sky

We do know that we all sit in the darkness

The darkness covers the whole land

And therefore we know we are never alone

Never alone in the darkness

We may not be able to see those around us

 We may not be able to see a light in the sky

We may not be able to see past this moment

But we are never alone in this darkness