Defining My Terms (Pride Edition)

 

Happy Pride Everyone. Talking to a friend I was reminded that it never hurts is define our terms once in a while especially when it comes to being queer. So here is a quick summary of what I mean when I use various terms to describe myself. I am giving an explanation in terms of

a) Definitions

b) How it plays out in my life

c) How it plays out in the stories I love/the characters I am in relationship with. 

Ace (Asexual) 

Definition: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others 

In real life: I have never had any interest in having sex with anybody, of any gender. Reproductive organs are not my thing. LOL I have identified as Ace the longest, long before I had the term or concept to describe myself. 

Stories/Characters: While I have zero personal interest in having sex I do read fanfiction and especially queer fanfiction often includes sex in some form. For me its like going to the circus and seeing a high wire act and going the physics of this is interesting but I'm not going anywhere near a high wire. Now sometimes I can tolerate sex in stories better than other times, sometimes I get overwhelmed and it is all too much and I fall back on thinking patterns of "why are people silly and have sex?" LOL Sex in stories has to be on my own terms.  

Aro (Aromantic)

Definition: Aromantic is the lack of romantic attraction to others

In real life: This is a much more recent identification for me in the last 6-12 months. It really is thanks to the book Loveless by Alice Oseman where it finally clicked I could appreciate romance in stories and not want it for myself. In my case it was having spent over a decade trying to figure out/define what romance is in order to figure out if I wanted it and finally going after a decade of thinking about the subject if I still have no idea what romance is (when chocolate is romantic vs. just yummy) I am probably Aro since if I was really into romance I would have figured that out by now.

Stories/Characters: I have no problem with the concept of romance in stories and often find it sweet, but once I get to a certain threshold it gets to be overstimulating and I need a break. (I also hate when there are interpersonal issues because people will not just talk to each other which seems to happen a lot in romance based stories)

Parasocial relationships/Characters: In my daydreams we do things that some might consider romantic but they don't have romantic overtones to me. For example reading together, drinking cups of tea, talking, sharing a meal, and even sometimes a few deep pressure hugs or the occasional top of the head kiss/forehead kiss (Not lip kissing, I personally have no interest in partaking in lip kissing even in my daydreams)

Gender: Cisgendered Womanish?

This is less an definition and more just feels like it is part of the queer trifecta of identity.

I won't go into tons of detail, but personally, my gender is the most up in the air. I in general identify as a cisgendered woman but hold very loosely to that identity. I don't really feel like a woman, or at least feel like I can relate to the experience that most women have with their identity as women, but I also don't really feel any deeper connection to any other gender, and I often don't feel like I care enough about gender to claim to be nonbinary or nonconforming. I currently go with Any for my pronouns (and love when people think I am queer enough for them to use they/them for me), but I rarely present myself in a way that anyone would question my gender therefore I consider myself cisgender womanish)