Good Changes Can Still Be Draining

Lots of little things are causing me to feel a little drained/low energy. I know I will soon find new patterns and feel more settled which will help my brain and body to not have to expend so much energy processing and therefore should give me more energy.

But I was talking to a friend about how while so far this fall I feel like I have been doing less than in the summer somehow I feel more tired/sluggish/slow moving. I feel like it is helpful to remind ourselves how common this is so that we can be "gentle, gentle*" with ourselves.

We got to talking about possible reasons I have been more tired:

• Changing Patterns and Rhythms
• Right now I find myself between the summer patterns and rhythms I had and the fall patterns and rhythms I will have. So I am in some liminal space where patterns and rhythms are still changing/morphing which brings its own stress for my nuerowild brain.
• Days Getting Shorter
• Yes the days are yet to get shorter for a while yet but I have been noticing how much shorter the days already are when compared to the peak of summer.
• Decluttering 
• I have worked really hard to declutter recently and my room is in a good place, I still have a few boxes of stuff I need to find homes for but I have decluttered enough that my desk and floor has been clear for almost 2 weeks (which is an accomplishment for me) 
• Decluttering and having a place for everything actually does help me keep organized. 
• Decluttering Mindset
• Since I have been working so hard to declutter and put items up on our local Buy Nothing Group, I have found I am less excited about going to events that I would simply go to for the free stuff. I will always go if there is free food, music, massage but if I am only going to get another tote bag, pair of sunglasses, design catalogue ... it seems more like junk. 
• Note with tote bags I still have like 25 so I am not anti-tote bags or anything I just don't need 50-60 of them taking up space in my room LOL
• Silly Physics
• A body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest
• In the summer I record what I do in a spreadsheet because I try to do 100 summer activities (this year I did 114.) This gets me to do more because I want to reach 100. I don't keep track of activities the same way the rest of the year.  (And my summer list is sustainable for the summer but would not be sustainable to keep updated all year round)

In the end I think it is clearly All The Above. Lots of little things that have built up and are causing me to feel drained. I know I will soon get new patterns and feel more settled which will help my brain process everything. But I think it is useful to sit and process what I am experiencing because it helps me be "gentle, gentle*" with myself.

*A phrase that Wentworth Miller has been posting recently on Instagram.

"Talk Away the Dark"

 

National Suicide Prevention Week is an annual week-long campaign in the United States to inform and engage health professionals and the general public about suicide prevention and warning signs of suicide. Thos year it runs from Sun, Sep 10, 2023 – Sat, Sep 16, 2023

"Talk Away the Dark" is this year's theme for National Suicide Prevention Week, Day, and Month. This theme emphasizes the idea that being open to talking about this crucial subject can lessen stigma, do away with shame, and function as a source of inspiration and hope for those who are struggling.

Here is a couple of people talking about suicidal ideation, suicide, depression, etc.

Please only watch/listen if you have the bandwidth/spoons to do so.

These are important conversations but please skip if you might be triggered.

A. Patton Oswalt - Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time - Supermarket Depression

In this clip from a Patton Oswalt (who plays Matthew in Netflix version of Sandman) comedy special he discusses being suicidal in a supermarket. I learn about this clip after listening to Episode 1 of Depresh Mode with John Moe. Note this is part of a comedy special so there is laughter even though suicide is not a funny topic but sometimes telling a serious story with humor can help it reach more people.

B. Lydia Loveless Keeps Laughing and Writing About Suicidal Ideation

This is a recent Depresh Mode episode where Lydia Loveless an singer/songwriter talks about having what I would call chronic suicidal ideation. This is another conversation where humor is used to talk about heavy topics.

C. Personal Stories And Mental Illness Awareness Week 

This is a post I wrote for this blog in 2020 that covers the personal stories of various people talking about suicidal ideation etc.

D. Unnamed blog post I published in 2020 

This is a 2016 this wonderful interview with Graham Moore covers depression and suicidal ideation (Starting at the 8th min mark and running to the 22nd min mark)

Celebrating "Gentle" Books

I read a lot of books and one category I love is what I call "gentle" books. These are books filled with little to no drama of any type. The type of book that is a joy to read and leaves you feeling refreshed and hopeful. 

The most recent "gentle" book I have read is the really fun Legends and Lattes about an orc starting up a coffee shop in a city that has never seen coffee before. (Thanks Three Avenues Bookshop for the recommendation)

After a lifetime of bounties and bloodshed, Viv is hanging up her sword for the last time.

The battle-weary orc aims to start fresh, opening the first ever coffee shop in the city of Thune. But old and new rivals stand in the way of success — not to mention the fact that no one has the faintest idea what coffee actually is.

If Viv wants to put the blade behind her and make her plans a reality, she won't be able to go it alone.

But the true rewards of the uncharted path are the travelers you meet along the way. And whether drawn together by ancient magic, flaky pastry, or a freshly brewed cup, they may become partners, family, and something deeper than she ever could have dreamed. 

I came up with the term "gentle" books after reading the Monk and Robot books which just are lovely. In many ways these are like having an relaxing philosophical conversation with a friend, over a cup of tea, while walking in the woods.

On a moon called Panga where AI and robots are a distant myth, Dex is an adventurous and friendly tea monk who travels the human-populated areas of their moon meeting villagers and townsfolk. Dex custom-blends tea to fit the people's needs and personalities, and they confide their misgivings to the monk. One day Dex, seeking a change in their routine, travels into the wild and meets a robot named Splendid Speckled Mosscap and they are thrown into a road-trip with a question on their minds: "What do people need?"

I was first introduced to Mushishi via some episodes that were up on Netflix at the time and then I discovered it was based on a series of books which I then read all of. (I am glad I read them when I did because now most of them are no longer in my library system) Both the show and the book are very "gentle" and will have extended moments where you for example see Ginko walking in the woods, watch snow melting, watch plants growing etc. 

The series is an episodic anthology with no overarching plotline in which the only common elements are Ginko and the Mushi. Ginko is a man with one green eye, who not only can see various types of mushi but also attracts them. Because of this ability, he is constantly wandering. He appears to have a generally laid back personality, however, he can be very serious and focused on his work when it comes to protecting people from mushi. He stresses that the mushi are not evil, but merely trying to survive like everyone else. A majority of the stories do not focus on Ginko but rely on him as a catalyst to move the story forward by diagnosing or curing mushi-related illnesses and phenomena.

I really enjoy reading "gentle" books and am always looking for more to read. So what are your favorite "gentle" books? What "gentle" books would you recommend others to read. Leave me a message so I can share other "gentle" books because I think most of us would enjoy reading more "gentle" books. 

Reviewing My Summer 2023

 

This is a good time to review my summer and see how it went. Each year I record what summer activities I do so come this time of year when I feel like I have not done much all summer I have data to prove myself wrong. (Yes I keep data to prove myself wrong which feels very me LOL.)

This summer I ended up doing 113 summer activities and via google there were 100 days in the period I count as summer so an average of more than one a day. Each type of activity get a different color so I can see that I am doing lots of different things around Chicago* In the end I ended up with basically a bar code for my summer.

The fact I did so much is a little surprising since this summer I started with a "lets not stress" attitude and wanted to do more activities because they looked cool, not just to do them so I could add them to my list. But we all know what we do with plans, throw them away** and in only doing fun stuff I ended up doing more LOL.

I tend to only keep activity lists for the summer months, because come fall I do different patterns such as doing something magical/Halloween based each day of October, and sometimes keeping track of my Holiday activties between Thanksgiving and the New Year.

In addition while I did great with staying busy certain things like this blog fell more to the wayside and I am hoping to blog more regularly now that we are in September. So reviewing my summer I did a lot of activities but I am excited for fall and the new patterns and rhythm that will bring.

* Well almost all around Chicago, there are also a couple from when I visited my parents this summer.

**Based on a Captain Cold Quote in The Flash TV show.

Honoring Labor Day

 

Today is labor day a day we celebrate all the labor we all perform. 

Today is Labor Day

By Dreaming Ace

Today is Labor Day

Day to honor all our labor

Labor in many forms, shapes, squiggles

Day to honor all our labor

Today is Labor Day

Personal Labor

Learning who our truest

Self is. Who we really are.

Physical Labor

Moving and Building and Growing

Farm and Factory and Construction

Professional Labor

What labor we give to others

To keep a roof over our heads

Vocational Labor

Labor we give in finding where

Our passions meet the worlds need

Caregiver Labor

Putting others needs first

Opening our hearts to others

Creative Labor

Creating, Building, Drawing, Writing

Painting, Cooking, Dancing, Designing

Dreaming Labor

Dreaming up what might be

Looking at world through new eyes

Today is Labor Day

Day to honor all our labor

Labor in many forms, shapes, squiggles

Day to honor all our labor

Today is Labor Day

Prepping For New Seasons

 

This is a time of transitions and changes for many of us. Of saying goodbye to summer and saying hello to fall and all that fall brings. I find this to be a productive time of year for me. I often take this time to rethink what is serving me and what I should let fall away. 

This often looks like sorting/organizing. I am getting quite a pile that I will share on my local buy nothing group or donate to a local resale shop where purchases go towards providing free HIV testing. Ex some reusable tote bags from groups (I don't need 50+ LOL)

It also means I am really thinking about how to make my space more functional (like not using my floor as an extra space to store odds and ends lol) and getting a new planner (18 months so goes threw the end of 2024) so that I can stay on top of all my activities.

On top of that my focus for September is going to be creating unboxed bento boxes for lunch each day. (Don't have a bento box so probably just on a plate) with the goal of having 4 components as part of lunch each day in order move eating from a chore to something yummy.

So as August draws to a close this might be a good time to rethink how well your life is working for you. Is there anything that no longer serves that you could let go of? Any small changes you could make that will have a big impact on your life? Have a wonderful fall everyone.

Elul And Reflecting On A Year

 

We are currently about a third of the way through the Jewish month of Elul. Elul is traditionally a time of introspection and personal stock-taking. I am someone who can't get enough of such personal stock-taking and have looked forward to Elul for the past few years. 

I find fall is the perfect time to start taking stock before the Jewish New Year. (Honestly I really enjoy having a month to review my past year and using September, October, November, and December to try out New Year resolutions and see if I want them for 2024 or if they need to be modified)

I get a daily email throughout the month of Elul via the Jewish Studio Project with reflections and journal prompts. One such email was around celebrating small victories.

It can be exceedingly difficult to recognize the ways in which we’ve changed from year to year. The pace of transformation is slow and our memories are short. That said, sometimes we re-encounter a challenge and we have the opportunity to see ourselves respond differently. This happened to me in the last couple of weeks, and while, on some level, I would have preferred not to experience the frustration and sadness again, I did have the opportunity to witness my growth. I was undeniably less reactive, more accepting and more patient. I share this not to toot my own horn [insert shofar joke], but to say that noticing our small victories, celebrating our successes, is an important way of keeping track of the ways in which change really happens. (Rabbi Jordan Braunig)

When thinking about the past year (last Elul to now) I found my successes fell into two main categories:

Growing Social Connections

• Joined Three Avenues book club
• Joined two library book clubs
• Joined a monthly craft class at library

Growing Vocationally

• Got a new freelance client and now for the first time get bi-lines for my work (which is amazing and makes showing examples of my work much easier)
• Going through an amazing job interview process which while did not turn into a position did leave me feeling encouraged and like I do have skills and talents that I bring to the table

It really is neat to think back on my small sucesses from the past year. It is nice to see I have grown in the past year and wonder in what ways I will grow next year. My hope for everyone is that you continue to grow gradually into the most connected, loving, and kind person you can be.