Self Care, Self Love Practice For Feb

 

1/31/22

Once again we come to an end

An end and a beginning all the same

January is almost done walking

This earth but February is yet to come

January started with a New Year’s

Resolution not to be perfect, not perfect

A success, A success, A success

I was not perfect this month. Full Marks

February we add #Selfcare, #Selflove

Since February is the month of Love

Loving absolutely every bit of ourselves

So our Love pours out and covers others

What is #Selfcare, #Selflove varies

For some it is savoring what is present

For some it making “someday” today

For some it is acting, jumping into the new

Once again we come to an end

An end and a beginning all the same

January is almost done walking

This earth but February is yet to come

I have to admit that while February has the fewest number of days it tends to feel like the longest month to me. I have recently come across a practice that Wentworth Miller did 5-7 years ago where he would post a #carechronical showing what he did for #selfcare every day for a month. I have decided I am bringing his #carechronical practice back for this Feb. 

So starting tomorrow I plan to post each day on my Instagram (and possibly other social media as well) about what I did for self care and I welcome everyone to join along with me. Somedays it will be "big" things and other times "tiny" things that others might not even know why they matter to me. 

If you are someone who hears self care and does not think it applies to you, or who has a strong negative reaction I would suggest to think about the below quote where Wentworth explores why he thought some people seemed so hostile to him talking about self-care and him having a self care chronical 

Self-worth (04.01.17 (Scridb))

... If I don’t think I’m worth it .. if at some point in my life I was told and then believed I wasn’t worth the time, care, and attention, anyone’s time, care, and attention .. if someone comes along and suggests I take care of myself it’s going to trigger me. My response will be a) “I’m not worth it.” and B) “F-ck you for reminding me of that fact.”

To engage in a self-care practice is to declare, ”I am worth taking care of.” (see: radical acts)

Self-care isn’t just tweaking my daily-routine. “3 deep breaths when I need them.” That’s on the surface. What’s beneath the surface is this: “I am choosing to care about myself. Enough to give me what I need to continue vibrating at my highest frequency. So I can do and give my best. Every day.”

Practicing self-care necessitates a closer look at how I perceive both my self and my value. It demands an internal, possibly uncomfortable conversation about self-worth, self-love, and whether I do or don’t give a sh-t about my continued existence in this harsh world.

That’s heavy stuff. Potentially. Eliciting heavy responses. Potentially. ...

So come join me in filling February with #carechronicle #walkingwithwentworth #selfcare #selflove #February You are worth caring about !!!!

Read The Books, Read Banned Books

 

This week more books have been banned as we saw when the headline: "Tennessee school board bans Holocaust graphic novel ‘Maus’" crossed our social media feeds.

As The Skim put it in today's email:

Across the country, schools are banning books about topics like race, LGBTQ, and gender. Think: “The Hate U Give,” “George,” “Stamped: Racism, Antiracism and You,” and more. They’re being pulled from school bookshelves in states like Texas, Utah, and Wyoming. One Pennsylvania school board tried to ban a long list of anti-racism books. Now, a Tennessee school board is banning “Maus” — a Pultizer Prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust — for profanity and an image of a nude woman.

Often the excuse given is such books make students uncomfortable but in reality rarely is it the students who are uncomfortable. It typically is the adults who are uncomfortable and think these topics are too challenging for their kids. And it is often students who take up the drums and protest they are not being allowed to learn about these topics. 

Note:

• People come in all genders and sexualities (so children also come in all genders and sexualities)
• People come in all races and ethnicities (so children also come in all races and ethnicities)
• People have been mean, racist, sexist, homophobic etc. throughout time so students need to wrestle with these truths

Here is a blog post I wrote for Banned Book Week back in September: Banned Books Week 2021 

While it is not banned book week it might be wise to commit to reading at least one banned book during February and a good place to start might be "Maus." Reading hard books, Reading challenging books, Reading books that make us see the world differently, is important.

Using Our Words Saves Lives

 

A response to harm filled "Don't Say Gay" Bill up in Florida

I am calling out all the politicians

Who want to ban words from schools

Who want to ban ideas from schools

Who want to ban thinking from schools

Using the words

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Ace, Questioning

Saves lives

Using the words

Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Panic Attacks

"It's Ok Not To Be Ok"

Saves lives

Using words

Institutional Racism, Civil Rights, Privilege

Saves our democracy

I am calling out all the politicians

Who want to ban words from schools

Who want to ban ideas from schools

Who want to ban thinking from schools

Using Words Saves Lives

Showing Others We Exist

Using Words Saves Lives

Showing Others We Have Always Existed

Using Words Saves Lives

Breaking Down Walls Of Isolation And Fear And Pain

I am calling out all the politicians

Who want to ban words from schools

Who want to ban ideas from schools

Who want to ban thinking from schools

Your nonsense is like the teacher in

Harry Chapin - Flowers Are Red saying

"Flowers are red young man Green leaves are green 

There's no need to see flowers any other way 

Than they way they always have been seen"

But we all know

When it comes to flowers

When it comes to our lived experiences

When it comes to our identities

It is like the little boy in the song sang...

"There are so many colors in the rainbow

So many colors in the morning sun

So many colors in the flower and I see every one"

I am calling out all the politicians

Who want to ban words from schools

Who want to ban ideas from schools

Who want to ban thinking from schools

Politicians why do you want to cause harm?

Politicians why are you fearful of others identities?

Politicians why are you not moved by knowing 42% 

Of LGBTQ youth seriously considering attempting suicide last year*?

Why do you want students to feel isolated?

Why do you want students to feel alone?

Why do you want students to feel hopeless?

It is hard enough when students feel beloved and loved

They don't need to face adults who refuse to talk about their struggles

Like there is something wrong because they are themselves

Like there is something wrong because they are bold and beautiful

Like there is something wrong because they can only be true to their truths

I am calling out all the politicians

Who want to ban words from schools

Who want to ban ideas from schools

Who want to ban thinking from schools

*

Processing Not Being Centered In Spaces

 

??????

I have been wrestling with my role in spaces where I am not centered, or where my identities are not centered. (Note: I am a white cisgender female identified individual who happens to be Ace.  I also recognize my own privilege in being able to choose how I want to interact with spaces where my identities are not centered where as many others don't have the opportunity to choose)

About 4 1/2 years ago I started attending a wonderful faith community which is "a predominately Black LGBTQ+ affirming church in the United Church of Christ (UCC) denomination that welcomes all people" The music, worship and atmosphere really spoke to me (though all the yummy food did not hurt LOL.) 

In addition I started to be involve with its foundation which is "a Black Queer-led, multiracial social justice organization that advances justice for Black LGBTQ+ people across Chicagoland through empowerment, education, and entertainment. We envision a Chicagoland in which Black LGBTQ+ people are safe, resourced, empowered, liberated, and flourishing."

Recently I have been noticing how I feel around the fact that more and more my identity is not being centered. (I am NOT saying that my identities Should or Must be centered just that it is giving me food for thought around the topic) 

I think some of it is when we used to meet in person (in the before times, before COVID) not being centered was more simply missing a few pop culture references in a sermon or two, or not having as deep a connection to some of the sermon series but feeling I could connect over other subjects.

Now the faith community and foundation feels like it has become more focused on "Black Queer Identity." Some of this can be shown by small groups etc that are now being jointly put on by the faith community and the foundation where sign ups include the question do you identify as Black and Queer or as an Ally. (And I often pause and want a third option like a Black Or Queer Ally, in addition to a general ally option and the Black And Queer options)

Seeing this question over and over again, as well as leadership saying that  "Black Queer Identities" are being center in these spaces reminds me that my "White Queer Identity" is not being centered. 

Processing this has brought up some questions and feelings.

• What does it really feel like not to be centered in a space? 
• What is my place/role in these spaces which I am not centered?
• How do I feel connected without feeling like I am trespassing in these spaces?
• How can I make sure I am not using white privilege to take over these spaces?
• When is "stepping back" being respectful and when is it a failure to engage?
• What does being welcomed in a space you are not centered in look like?

I also know some of this musing is because of other musing I have been doing recently around belonging and meaning in my life. My faith community is one of my main communities that I am involved with (as a freelancer I don't even have a community of coworkers I interact with) so I have been thinking about my roles in communities and what I want my roles in communities to be in the future. 

While these musings are challenging for me I think they are worthwhile and mean I will hopefully have a better idea where I fit in the communities I am part of and how I can have a greater feeling of belonging.

Boots Both/And Sneakers Not Either/Or

 

Right now M&M's are being rebranded slightly. The above picture is the "new" version of all the characters. (And if you look at the above picture and can't see many differences I feel you, I really can't either)

One of the mini "big stories" online is the fact that the Green M&M now has sneakers instead of her pervious boots. There have been several posts online such as one by The Mary Sue who have seen this as an intentional or unintentional critique of women. 

(Now I have to note that most of the comments are taking this all a bit tongue in cheek and discuss how these are just M&Ms and all these critiques are a little silly)

One complaint is that the Green M&M is less sexy now. (And in a nontypical turn of events it is women who are saying the Green M&M should be sexy, so the conversation is less about the male gaze as you might think.) 

There have been complaints that giving the Green M&M sneakers is a form of slut shaming. (There are also what I find more interesting conversations around the idea that Mars felt that if the Green M&M changed her shoes her personality would change)

Now I am coming to this conversation as an asexual cis-gendered female identified individual who has never worn heals, nor boots with any type of heal but I feel like this is a real case of Both/And not Either/Or. 

I always wear sneakers because they are more comfortable and unless it was a good winter/rain/hiking boot with lots of arch support I don't really get boots, especially fashion boots unless it is from the musical Kinky Boots but that is less the boots and more the wonderful songs :) )

Now to be clear this is all about M&Ms which I pretty much just eat and not think about the backstories of the characters. LOL. But I think it is a great example of needing Both/And not Either/Or. Some women wear boots, some wear sneakers, some ballet slippers, some wear high heals, some wear fuzzy bunny slippers. 

I think some of the conversations around these M&Ms is reminding me of other shows where being sexy is presented as a useful target, which don't quite work for me since being ace I really don't care if I am "sexy"

Do I think the Green M&M's shoes needed to be changed? Not really. 

Do I think switching the Green M&M to sneakers is that problematic? Personally No

Do I find the conversations around what footwear can represent interesting? Yep

"Paintings in the Hue of Forever"

Yesterday I went on a walk and visited the new art exhibit at Rotofugi Gallery. The art changes every month or two. The current exhibit is called "Paintings in the Hue of Forever" and is a collection of new works by ChrisRWK. I have to say I was really impressed with the exhibit, it gave me some food for thought, and I would recommend it to anyone in Chicago and who might have a chance to go. It is up until Feb 13.

From Rotofugi's web page:

A child of the 70’s into the 80s, ChrisRWK’s world was often completely flooded with the imagery and ideas presented by his television, his comic books, and the music and movies of the time. Immersed in these various mediums, ChrisRWK began to store the images brought forward though these everyday experiences in what he refers to as a "mental journal". This journal was a haven of his thoughts that he could refer back to whenever necessary. ChrisRWK’s paintings frequently cite past conceptions of popular culture embedded in his psyche's cache.

This use of intertextuality also serves to offer a comfort or familiarity of sorts to the viewer. ChrisRWK’s works frequently reveal everyday musings and people one would pass on the street without looking or thinking about twice. These images also aid ChrisRWK in the creation of a visual language comprised of his own iconographic imagery. Through the repetition of this imagery, ChrisRWK strives to familiarize his viewers with the language he has constructed. ChrisRWK believes that the notions within his pieces serve as a backbone to the many stories created by the onlooker when he or she is viewing the work.

Here are a few of the paintings which really caught my eye: 

not only heroes fly

I really loved the combination of Comic Panels, Robot and Hearts in this work. 

(The robot seems to be in most of ChrisRWK's Work

bright hearts in dark times                standing with you    

      

together in the dark times

These three pieces which were sprinkled throughout the show really spoke to me and the internal wrestling I have been doing recently around life, the universe and everything. 

I also have to say all these paintings are much more impressive in person. So if you live in Chicago and have the chance to go to see this exhibition I would recommend it. 

Unions, Public Actions, And Mountaintops

Today is MLK Day, a day that tends to become about a few quotes, and making a few sandwiches or reading a book or two to kids. So here are a few actions you might take to have a slightly more meaningful day.

Fight For Unions

At the turn of the century women earned approximately ten cents an hour, and men were fortunate to receive twenty cents an hour. The average work week was sixty to seventy hours. During the thirties, wages were a secondary issue; to have a job at all was the difference between the agony of starvation and a flicker of life. The nation, now so vigorous, reeled and tottered almost to total collapse. The labor movement was the principal force that transformed misery and despair into hope and progress. Out of its bold struggles, economic and social reform gave birth to unemployment insurance, old age pensions, government relief for the destitute, and above all new wage levels that meant not mere survival, but a tolerable life. The captains of industry did not lead this transformation; they resisted it until they were overcome. When in the thirties the wave of union organization crested over our nation, it carried to secure shores not only itself but the whole society. (MLK Jr at Illinois AFL-CIO Convention, October 1965)

I have to say it is important to note that while we are all getting for than 10 cents a hour (though I wonder if the current minimum wage is relationally much better), the rest of this really still rings true for so many of us. 

For a brief moment during the height of COVID we seemed to be noticing the important people who bring food to our tables, serve us, provide us care, teach our children etc. but it feels like after remembering for a year or so and now have completely forgotten again.   

Ways To Fight For Unions:

• Join one if you can, organize one if you can't join yet
• Listen to Unions when they say boycott a group
• Write your politicians about the importance of unions
• Think and act on how you want to be treated as an worker 
• Know that how you treat other workers impacts how you are treated

Public Actions For Justice

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial 'outside agitator' idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds. MLK Jr 1963

True justice is hard. Very hard. It involves deep reflection and knocking down systems so they can be rebuilt more justly.  It involves those in power to giving up things so that everyone can have what they need to survive. It means doing the hard work of seeing our own intersectionality and how no matter who we are we have contributed (often inadvertently) to the oppression of others.

Public Actions:

• Supporting and amplifying the voices of those who are oppressed by society
• Providing support (material, emotional, connectional) to those who are leading public actions (after asking what they need)
• Putting our own bodies on the line like in the song "Have you been to jail for justice"
• Calling a spade a spade and calling injustice what it is injustice, or racism, or sexism
• Share our inner reflections/processing publicly so others can learn how to process themselves 

Mountaintops:

We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now because I've been to the mountaintop... I've looked over and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land.  MLK Jr "I've Been to the Mountaintop” speech, April 3, 1968

Fights against racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, internalized trauma, fill in the blank are long, so very long. This is why it is important to make sure we celebrate mountaintop moments. Mountaintop moments when we remember that while we shall not see the end of this journey, that does not mean that the journey is not important or that we are on the journey alone. 

The song "Glory" gets to this point. Sometimes all we can see are the scars and calluses and broken bones and darkness and depression and we wonder "Why? Why are we doing this." Mountaintops remind us that we are moving towards something even if it can be a bit hard to see through storms and forests and deserts wide.

Mountaintops:

• Connect with others on the journey because the fight can feel very lonely
• Take time to reflect on how far we have come and how far we yet have to go
• Prioritize our own mental health, because if we are carrying around a lot of mental junk we will not be able to keep moving
• Know it is ok if we forget the mountain top exists, it can be very hard to see, sometimes harder than a hoped for promise land
• Sing and dance and find other ways to express what we are experiencing and in order to stay alive. Being Alive means Living not existing. And we all have a hammer we can use.