A "Gentle, Gentle" Transitioning From April To May

 

Gentle, Gentle

Slow, Slow

Thoughtful, Thoughtful

Flow, Flow

Wentworth Miller (Instagram, Summer, 2023)

April is just about done, and while in some areas I did really well (like taking full advantage of everything Chicago has to offer while on "staycation"), other areas I let slide (like completing this month's yoga with Adriene calendar).

 

But as I look at what I had wanted to do this month, I repeat the above quote from Wentworth Miller to myself and remember that while April was Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Month, May is Mental Health Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Month. 

 

And all Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Months should be honored year-round anyway. So I am being "gentle, gentle" with myself for not doing as many awareness, acceptance, and accessibility activities or reading as many autistic books as I had hoped.

 

Because being "gentle, gentle" with myself and honoring my executive functioning and the number of spoons I had is honoring both Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Month and Mental Health Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Month.

 

So as we head off into May, I plan on focusing on my mental health by focusing on my overall health (trying to get back into better eating habits, drinking more water, etc.). I also plan on catching up by reading some of the books I took from the library featuring autistic characters that I did not get to in April.

 

I can celebrate both Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Month and Mental Health Awareness, Acceptance, and Accessibility Month and have a "gentle, gentle" transition from April to May.

Being Cautious About Unintentional Consequences Is Always Wise

Today one of the Doctor Who fan pages posted:

The Doctor’s trusty sonic screwdriver has been redesigned to resemble a remote control or a flip phone because Davies was worried that the old Sonic looked too much like a gun, potentially encouraging kids to pretend to shoot at one another.

Many of the comments were some flavor of that is silly to worry about or what is Davies thinking but as I posted:

While I don't think there was any need to change the design, as an American fan of Doctor Who I recognize that being on Disney means more Americans will get to see Doctor Who and here in America we have had too many tragedies where people were killed because their hairbrush, candy bar, wallet, or obviously fake nerf gun were confused with real guns, and that is not even taking in account news stories like today a 3 year old who shot themselves in the foot with their parents gun. So while not needed I am glad Russell T Davies is thinking about the completely unintentional possible consequences of Doctor Who reaching more people.

So in response to the commentors who seem grumpy that Davies was worried about this, each of The Doctors has ended up with a different design for their sonic. This is just a slightly bigger shift than typical, and especially when considering Americans and guns, it is always better to be safe than to be sorry. Being concerned with unintentional possible consequences is rarely a bad idea.

Do I think the classic sonic design was an issue? Probably Not  

Do I think there is any harm in changing the design? Nope

Do I think anyone can be too careful when it comes to media and guns? No. 

Lessons From The News: Listen To People

Today, I happened to see a post referencing the whole social media phenomenon of how, when asked, many women say they would rather unexpectedly meet a bear in the woods than unexpectedly meet a man in the woods. There has been a small but vocal segment of male-identified individuals who have taken this as a personal besmirchment and speak as though this view means women hate men. 

This reminds me of a few years ago, when our mayor asked where Chicagoans wanted budget cuts made. There was a survey, and a list was provided. Across all the wards, there was consensus that the police budget should be cut. The mayor at the time was upset that Chicagoans picked this choice from the list that the mayor had provided for the survey. In both cases, groups were given a choice and then criticized for the choice they made. 

This tendency towards not listening, disagreeing when groups make a choice, or gaslighting communities by saying they don't mean what they said is very problematic and has real-life repercussions. For example, many in the autistic community have spoken up about how harmful ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) and the groups that support its use are.

ABA teaches autistic kids to hide sensory pain and increases the likelihood of PTSD and suicidality in autistic people. ABA therapy does not allow sensory supports (headphones, sunglasses, fidget toys, weighted blankets, etc.) for autistic kids, or if they do, they are simply used as an incentive with a time limit and not as true sensory support. Being in an environment that refuses to accommodate their sensory sensitivities and rewards them for hiding their sensory pain is traumatic.

 

Instead of listening to autistic adults about why ABA is problematic many non-autistic individuals (often parents of autistic children or ABA practitioners) simply state they are not intending to cause harm so therefore can't be causing harm. This is not how harm actually happens. A fire does not intend to cause harm, but if it burns you, you are still harmed. 

 

While these are three very different examples, it comes down to the same issue. Not listening to communities or dismissing what communities say because the person asking does not like the answer that they received. Not liking the answer you get when asking a community their thoughts often does not fundamentally change the answer. 

 

All of these examples simply highlight how if you ask a community about how they feel about something, you should believe that they have a better understanding of their own lived experience than you do. You should not go in thinking that how you think they feel is more important or significant than how they actually do feel.

15 Years of Fantasy: C2E2 2024

This past weekend was C2E2 (Chicago Comic and Entertainment Expo).

I had a good time overall, but today is going to be a "gentle, gentle" day as I recover from so much socialization and walking. I'm both physically and socially tired, LOL.

This year, the overarching theme was "15 Years of Fantasy," since this was the 15th C2E2 to be held. I have now been to a total of 10 C2E2s

I thought my badge was particularly pretty this year, with a sweet dragon and a pretty moon watching over the Chicago skyline. 

Day 1

I cosplayed at Dream of The Endless.

Side Quest: Figurine Painting

Friday started with me painting a free Loki figurine via Side Quest. I really like how it came out. 

The figurine was from the Zombie Marvel box, but other than Loki being shirtless and looking like he is trying to be Poseidon, I'm not sure why it was labeled a Zombie. 

I did paint Loki in his Jotun form since there was blue paint but no skin color paint LOL.

Panel: "The Hero Doesn't Always Journey"

The first panel I went to looked at how stories can be structured around something other than the hero's journey. It looked at the benefits and negatives of using formal story structures and stories that break conventional wisdom.

For example, typically, authors are told that characters should have strong motivations or goals, but this does not actually have to be the case if the characters are in interesting worlds such as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Alice in Wonderland.

Show Floor

 

I waved at my Paul from DePaul, who runs the DePaul Pop Culture Conference. We joked that I was a week early for our yearly meet-up. 

I ended up spinning their wheel and getting a light-up collapsible light saber, which will be nice to bring to the DePaul Celebration of Star Wars conference next weekend.

I also got a number of books throughout the weekend via "The Science Fiction Outreach Project.

I then spent some time in the Pride Lounge, coloring, listening to music etc. and won a box of little toys.

Panel: Autism in Comic Books

This panel was one of my highlights for C2E2 because, as someone who is autistic, there are not nearly enough panels centered around being autistic and other forms of neurodivergence.

It was a wonderful panel that listed all the characters in comics who are explicitly autistic. I liked the idea that, while some of these portrayals are problematic, they are salvageable. 

That the comic portrayals that are problematic (such as portrayals that suggest that being autistic is something that should be "cured") should simply be given over to autistic comic creators so that the problematic portrayals can be corrected.

Also, over all, the panel highlighted that we need to flood comics and other media with portrayals of autistic characters because, as we say, "When you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person." 

The more representation there is out there, the more nuanced portrayals of being autistic can become, which means more problematic representations carry less weight because they are not the "only" representations shared.

So in summary, Dear Comic Creators, please include more autistic characters, please and thank you. 

Panel: Artistic Cosplay: Reimaging Character Designs and Bringing them into Reality.

I went to this panel because the one I was planning on going to was filled. I will say that it was interesting to learn a bit more about cosplay competitions.

Panel: Ikebana

This panel was on an ancient type of Japanese flower arrangement.

Ikebana is the centuries-old Japanese art of arranging flowers. The practice, which roughly translates to “making flowers come alive,” uses carefully selected blossoms, greenery and other flora to convey a specific feeling or emotion to an observer – just as a painting or sculpture might.

C2E2 Prom

Day One's capstone was the first ever C2E2 Prom (and I think might have been one of the first "After Dark" event I have actually made it too. Normally I am too tired.

Honestly it just felt like a dance party but it did remind me how much more fun life would be if we all cosplayed all the time. 

I would say errands would be so much more enjoyable if you saw The Doctor and Ruby Sunday at the bank, or a princess or supervillain at the grocery store.

I also grabbed a pretty dragon egg that is multicolored changing color as you turn it which you will have to trust me on since there is no easy way to show that in a photo.

Day 2

I cosplayed at Death of The Endless.

Panel: The Science of Science Fiction

 

This was a fun panel, though the dude from the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory was tied up in traffic, so it turned more into John Jackson Miller explaining how different franchises handle science. For example how Star Wars is NOT scientific since it is space opera, where as Star Trek does science sorta and science can be part of the plot, and when recently writing a batman book John needed to learn a whole new type of science like how do firetrucks actually work. In addition, he spoke about how when writing in shared universes or working on media tie-in books, you can't create; you have to cite. He gave an example with the question, Can Jedi do their mind tricks with someone who speaks a different language? The answer is yes, and he cited the place where it happened.

 

Panel: LGBTQYA

 

This panel looked at LGBTQ YA stories and why representation is so important. For example, LGBTQ YA stories are often internally called "suicide prevention books" by librarians. While there has been progress made, we still need a lot more LGBTQA+ stories, especially trans and nonbinary stories.

Panel: Bad Idea The C2E2 Panel

 

Honestly, I sat in on this panel as a filler between other panels. Bad idea is a publisher that prints to order, and that's it. No second prints, no trades, no digital. The panel spotlighted some of their new comics.

 

Panel: Battle of the Tropes

 

Two tropes were given to the panelists, such as Enemy to Lover vs. Friend to Lover, each side defending why their trope was better, and the audience judged and voted by handclap.

 

Panel: H.E.R.O.I.C. Awards

 

The Honoring Exceptional Renderings of Independent Creators (H.E.R.O.I.C.) awards.

They were fun even if I knew about zero of the comics that were nominated or won. 

You can watch the awards ceremony online. I have to say they gave away one of the nicest-looking awards. 

 

Show Floor: I ended Day 2 by dancing to DJ Powerhour

Day 3

 

I cosplayed as Delirium of the Endless.

(Which is pretty fitting; by the end of Day 3, I was feeling like I was in Delirium's realm.)

 

Panel: DePaul University Fandom Popular Culture Discussion Panel

 

This was the capstone presentation for students in a C2E2 course at DePaul. It was fun to support young adults as they study fandom.

 

Panel: Once More With Feeling

 

This panel explored how emotions are used in story-telling. Someone mentioned a Neil Gaiman quote: Remember: when people tell you something's wrong or doesn't work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.

 

Panel Spoken Blerds: The Intersection of Pop Culture and Poetry

 

This was a fun final panel for C2E2. Blerds reference Black Nerds. We got to hear a few poems that referenced fandom, which was fun.

Fantastic, Amazing, Wonderful Libraries

 

This week is National Library Week. A week to celebrate how wonderful libraries are. There is always something going on at the Library. I get to enjoy art and films and free printing on top of books, and book clubs, and often time snacks. For example this week alone:

I Made Two Flashlights

Got Three Art Kits

And Went To Two* Movies

*Ok in full honesty, I am going to have seen two movies 

Blinded by The Light is actually being shown tomorrow

But still during National Library Week 

Finally here is a poem I wrote for National Library Week that highlights just a few of the reasons that libraires are so wonderful and important and meaningful for so many people.

A Dragon 

Shaped Poem

To celebrate/honor 

Libraries during 

National Library Week

Libraries 

Here be magic

Here be wonder

Here be dragons

Here be free printing and computers

Here be sewing machines and 3D Printers

Here be talks and conversations and readings

Here be Tax Prep, Legal Aid, Health and Wellness

Here be Genealogy, Online Learning/Tutoring, Spanish Language Resources

Here Community Resources, Public Health Vending Machines, Narcan

Here be community and connection

Here be art classes, film showings, cooking classes

Here be activities for infants to seniors

Libraries 

Here be magic

Here be wonder

Here be dragons

Libraries 

Here be magic

Here be wonder

Here be dragons

Libraries 

Here be magic

Here be wonder

Here be dragons

Solar Eclipse 2024

Today I got to see part of the solar eclipse. 

Here in Chicago it only got to about 93% full but that was still impressive. 

I got my viewer via The Adler Planetarium.

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

This was a special set up by the Adler so that we could take photos of the eclipse.

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

Here are a few eclipse related items if you are in the mood for more

Bugs Bunny In King Authors Court

And of course Little Shop of Horrors

Overview of My Personal Wibbly Wobbly Autistic Journey.

 

In honor of Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Accommodations Month, I am outlining some of the stages of my personal, wibbly, wobbly, autistic journey. Of course, there was a lot of overlap between these stages, and this is not an exhaustive list.

Stage 1: Awareness (Summer 2021)

It is probably not surprising to anyone who reads this blog that my autistic journey started with its intersections with my special interests in fandom. In July 2021, Wentworth Miller, aka My Captain Cold, stated that he was autistic. I have to say, I think this was one of my first official introductions to autism and neurodivergence. If you want to get a great overview, please check out Wentworth Miller, Mental Health Stigma, and Masked Autism by Devon Price from 2021, which provides lots of cool context.

Stage 2: Connection To Being Autistic But Doubtful (Summer 2021)

Since clearly Wentworth Miller and Captain Cold are a few of my many special interests (I personally like the term special interests and use it, but recognize that some others who are autistic disagree because they think the term carries baggage), when Wentworth stated that he was autistic, I jumped online and took a range of free "autism tests" online.

Because of how literally I was reading the questions and the fact that I had been unknowingly masking for my entire life, I tended not to have enough "points" according to these tests. It is important to point out that many autism tests were written with cisgendered white boys in mind and therefore can be easily misinterpreted by those of us with different identities. 

In addition, part of me felt it would be too greedy to have three identities in common with Wentworth (the other two are being part of the LGBTQA+ community and having had struggles with mental health). So while I connected to much of what Wentworth said was his experience of being autistic, I did not think being autistic was an identity that applied to me. 

Yes, I know saying I was not autistic because it would mean I had too much in common with my parasocial best friend Wentworth sounds odd. Oh, brains can be very creative sometimes. Or, in the words of Leo McGarry, welcome to my world.

Stage 3:  Deep Dive Part 1 (Summer 2021-Today)

While I didn't think I counted as being autistic, it became a special interest. I started by reading as many fanfiction stories with autistic characters or characters who were otherwise neurodivergent as I could. Because when there is a concept, especially an identity, I want more information on, I tend to reach out to my closest friends, aka fanfiction. (Same place I had already been going for wonderful Ace works as well as mental health-focused works.)

Stage 4: Maybe I Really Am Autistic or Neurodivergent (Summer 2022)

I saw a therapist very briefly in the summer of 2022 (for about 3 sessions in total), and at my second appointment, they suggested that I might be autistic. (Full disclosure: in the first session, they suggested that I might have an extremely high IQ, so they probably are not the most reliable LOL) 

At this point, I did some more thinking, went, Oh, ok, I guess I really am autistic, and wrote a quick blog post, The Process Of Recontextualizing Myself, at which point my therapist was like, Sounds good, you are all set. You don't need any more therapy. 

Note to that therapist: giving someone even an informal diagnosis of neurodivergences should really be the starting point, not the end point of that conversation. Also, that therapist was odd because they didn't like the term therapy, not that they said what term they preferred. I ended up writing a blog post about that too: What Is Therapy?

Stage 5: Deep Dive Part 2 (Summer 2022-Today)

This time on top of fanfiction I also read a bunch of books written by people who are autistic. 

Stage 6: Removing Masks/UnGatekeeping Myself  (July 2022)

This was a period where I started to think more about how being autistic might have impacted my relationships with other people and communities. Some excerpts from a blog post on the topic are below:

Typically the spaces I have most felt like I belonged in were fictional in nature such as currently with my adorable band of misfits called The Legends Of Tomorrow or Aziraphale or Crowley or Sherlock or ... all who I typically hang out with in fanfiction universes, fanvid universes, or daydream universes. 

When it has come to non-fictional communities I think on some deep level that I was not aware of I knew that even if on paper I fit I was still seeing the world differently than others which made me doubt if I really belonged or if I was just trespassing in someone else's community. 

I knew parts of myself but I did not have the whole picture for who I was so saw any not understanding the social context of the group as really meaning I was not part of the group or at that I should not have been part of the group in the first place.

Stage 7: #ThreeAvenuesBookshopMagic (November 2022-Today)

In what might sound like unrelated news, in November 2022, a new bookstore opened nearby. Three Avenues Bookshop is a wonderful family-owned bookstore that centers disabled and neurodivergent voices in addition to queer and BIPOC voices.  

While, for example, mental health was a common topic in my social circles, so I knew lots of people who also had mental health challenges, I did not personally know as many people who were autistic or were otherwise neurodivergent. (I mean, I love Wentworth, but I don't actually know him outside my imagination.) In addition, I had imposter syndrome because I knew it was unlikely I would ever get a formal diagnosis for cost and other reasons. 

Honestly, how I remember it, it was sometime during disability awareness month in spring 2023, and they had a wonderful display of books on disability, including neurodivergence. I complimented them for having a section that included autistic voices, and we got to talking. 

Three Avenues was also probably one of the first spaces where I felt like I could honestly claim my autistic identity in a meaningful way. Like I was not trespassing on someone else's holy ground. In addition Three Avenues is wonderful because they fully support self-identification understanding the various hurdles to formal diagnoses. I never felt like I had to have proof of my identity.

Stage 8: Deep Dive Part 3 (Summer 2023)

When I went home during the summer of 2023 I was able to read several of my report cards from preschool and elementary school. These were very insightful and had language that showed I have always been autistic even though they did not use that word. This was important so I knew I was fundamentally autistic and I was not just mirroring others who were. 

Stage 9: Integrating the Past/Moving Into the Future (Present)

So at this point, I am comfortable saying I am autistic and have integrated that into my life, but I am still working on how to take that information and be able to thrive, not just survive. I also think I am still working through autistic burnout, which makes some long-term planning more challenging. 

Autism Awareness 101: What To Avoid

Today is World Autism Awareness Day. The challenge is that if you do a quick Google search, you will most likely come across outdated and problematic information about autism. 

Understandings of autism have evolved over time, but as you begin to deepen your understanding of autism, you may not be aware of what is considered problematic by the wider autistic community. Today, I'll go through three things to avoid and explain why they're problematic.

 
Note: Like almost everything that has to do with autism, what is considered problematic or outdated will depend on the individual. Someone who is autistic can choose whatever language, symbols, and concepts work for them.

Autism Awareness 101: What to Avoid

ABA

While ABA is considered the “gold standard” of care for autistic people in the United States and many other countries globally, many people feel that ABA is abusive and harmful. For example, ABA is related to gay conversion therapy and teaches children to stop their self-regulating behaviors. While in ABA, children are not allowed to say “no” or refuse any part of the program, which raises concerns about the importance of teaching children consent. In addition, studies show an increased rate of PTSD in autistics that have been involved in ABA.

Autism Speaks

Sadly, "Autism Speaks" is probably the best-known autism organization based in the United States, but it is also very problematic. Historically, it has been very fear-based and very cure-based (trying to cure autism makes about as much sense as saying you want to cure tallness because if you are tall, you might hit your head more often). Today, it is still problematic in its support of ABA (see above) and not centering the voices of those who are autistic but instead centering the parents of those who are autistic. "Autism Speaks" is known for speaking over the voices of those who are autistic.

Puzzle Piece:

The puzzle piece has a history of being associated with ableist groups claiming to act for the benefit of autistic people. The biggest problem with the puzzle piece logo is that it implies that there is something missing and that autistic people are somehow incomplete. Another problem with the puzzle piece is how infantilizing it is. Puzzles are toys associated with children. Although adults also enjoy them and should be able to, it’s unhelpful to use childish imagery for autism. Autistic people are already infantilized enough, and a common complaint of autistic adults is that we are treated like children.

Autism Acceptance and Poetry Month

April is filled with celebrations including Arab American History Month, National Minority Health Month, and National Stress Awareness Month. Personally as an autistic poet I am excited to celebrate Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month and National Poetry Month. 

First, as The Neurodivergent Adult pointed out, some of us who are autistic feel like the term Autism Acceptance Month is better than Autism Awareness Month. I have to say I like how my local bookstore phrased it as Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month. I feel like Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month encapsulates the complexities of autistic life journeys.

For example, only a few years ago, I had no idea I was autistic, and once I discovered that I was, I know that when I shared that information with the various communities I am part of, there were different levels of understanding around what that meant. 

I am also aware that in the medical field in general, there is a real lack of awareness around autism, especially around autistic women who were not diagnosed until later in life. So, I feel like awareness is still an important part of Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month.

But rightly, others have shared how acceptance is just as vital to be celebrated: "The goal of the transition to using Autism Acceptance Month is to encourage the culture to accept those of us with autism as we are."

So maybe we should call it Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Accommodations Month? But even I know that is a bit wordy. So, you will see a range of language used during April, and personally, as long as you are being thoughtful and intentional, I think any of those terms can work. Keep your eyes peeled. I will be exploring being autistic more in later posts this month.