Lessons From The News: Listen To People

Today, I happened to see a post referencing the whole social media phenomenon of how, when asked, many women say they would rather unexpectedly meet a bear in the woods than unexpectedly meet a man in the woods. There has been a small but vocal segment of male-identified individuals who have taken this as a personal besmirchment and speak as though this view means women hate men. 

This reminds me of a few years ago, when our mayor asked where Chicagoans wanted budget cuts made. There was a survey, and a list was provided. Across all the wards, there was consensus that the police budget should be cut. The mayor at the time was upset that Chicagoans picked this choice from the list that the mayor had provided for the survey. In both cases, groups were given a choice and then criticized for the choice they made. 

This tendency towards not listening, disagreeing when groups make a choice, or gaslighting communities by saying they don't mean what they said is very problematic and has real-life repercussions. For example, many in the autistic community have spoken up about how harmful ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) and the groups that support its use are.

ABA teaches autistic kids to hide sensory pain and increases the likelihood of PTSD and suicidality in autistic people. ABA therapy does not allow sensory supports (headphones, sunglasses, fidget toys, weighted blankets, etc.) for autistic kids, or if they do, they are simply used as an incentive with a time limit and not as true sensory support. Being in an environment that refuses to accommodate their sensory sensitivities and rewards them for hiding their sensory pain is traumatic.

 

Instead of listening to autistic adults about why ABA is problematic many non-autistic individuals (often parents of autistic children or ABA practitioners) simply state they are not intending to cause harm so therefore can't be causing harm. This is not how harm actually happens. A fire does not intend to cause harm, but if it burns you, you are still harmed. 

 

While these are three very different examples, it comes down to the same issue. Not listening to communities or dismissing what communities say because the person asking does not like the answer that they received. Not liking the answer you get when asking a community their thoughts often does not fundamentally change the answer. 

 

All of these examples simply highlight how if you ask a community about how they feel about something, you should believe that they have a better understanding of their own lived experience than you do. You should not go in thinking that how you think they feel is more important or significant than how they actually do feel.