Happy Ace Week: Defining Myself

 

Today I will expand on how I currently define myself within my ace identities

Sexuality: Ace

For me of my ace identities, being Ace is the most clear cut. I do not experience sexual attraction and or sexual desire. (Sexual attraction as defined as attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).) I have never looked at someone or read about a character and wanted to touch reproductive organs together. 

But I am interested in why individuals choose to engage in sex. And reading fanfiction (especially queer fanfiction) is one of my special interests so I have a very well-rounded understanding of the concept of sex (I know the mechanics, a very wide range of kinks, proper BDSM etiquette from safe-words, to hard and soft limits, to the need for aftercare especially sub-drop)

I do always find it interesting that I have a deep knowledge base around sex and more than once have been able to define and explain the thought patterns behind kinks etc. to others. Basically no matter what you do sex wise assuming it is between consenting adults is fine with me while I know none of it is my cup of tea when it comes to actually participating.

I will say since most of my sex exploration is via fanfiction or fictional portrayals sometimes I forget that sex is something that people outside of fanfiction/fictional characters do in real life and am surprised when I am reminded that other people have sex and even enjoy sex too. LOL

Romantic Orientation: Fictoromantic? Aromantic? Demi-Fictoromantic?

If I wanted romance it would be with fictional characters so I would say I'm Fictoromantic? but of my ace identities my romantic orientation is complicated and unclear. For me this is because "romance" is less defined. For example sex usually (though not always) involves interactions between reproductive organs, wanting to interact with reproductive organs, or sensations involving reproductive organs. 

On the other hand how would you define romance/romantic behavior? If you go by Wikipedia "Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions." But that is not helpful if you love "love" but don't necessarily want to be courted.

What one person considers romantic in one context is considered creepy in another context. For example in The Script - The Man Who Can’t Be Moved the main character says they will stay on the street corner because they believe a girl will change her mind about loving them, where as when people actually do camp out in front of peoples houses after being dumped it is considered being a stalker. 

Defining romance seems to involve the intentions behind an action. I love eating chocolate but buying chocolate for myself is not typically defined as romantic. I like nice smelling candles but when given to me by my parents not it would not be considered romantic even though my parents love me. So even with fictional characters* while I would not mind being given chocolates, candles, or flowers I do not know what intention I would want them to have behind giving me those things. Oh defining romance beyond you know it when you see it is almost impossible.

What I would want in a relationship?: Ficto-queerplatonic relationships?

When it comes down to sexuality and romantic orientations I feel like it really is trying to pin down what type of relationships you are seeking with others. I would say for me I overall am seeking queerplatonic relationships with fictional characters*. 

I want a kind of plantonic intimacy that includes drinking tea together, having long conversations, leaning on their shoulder as we both sit on the couch while we read our own books, being understood even when words are not available ...

And I think I am drawn to fictional characters because I can easily get overstimulated/peopled out by other people so I want to be in relationship with characters who are always there when I need them but are not there when I need space/quiet/alone time

*Fictional Characters broadly. I sometimes include real people in this category who I have an fictional relationship with or have created my own version of RPF (Real person fiction or real people fiction) stories in my mind. So they might be "real" people but I interact with them on a fictional level and even in cases of ones I have met at conventions I would not really want a relationship with them just the idea of them I have in my head.