Why Actors Win My Heart Through Mental Health Struggles?

Today I got to see Zachary Levi at C2E2, it was a very fun panel, and I am glad I went (since I did not know much of his work, and only had seen the first Shazam like a week ago LOL) One thing that was touched on was his pervious mental health struggles. Including a break down that included suicidal ideation when he was 37 and the importance of therapy and loving yourself. So of course that means he won my heart and now I am off to see some of his other work like something called "Chuck"?

But this got me thinking how the best way to my heart if you are an actor is to talk about mental health or neurodivergence. Right now it is Shazam Dude, but I remember a past C2E2 where Will Wheaton talked about mental health and I now follow him on Facebook, and of course one of many reasons I love my Wentworth Miller is he has talked about mental health and now neurodivergence (though it doesn't hurt that I love his character Captain Cold too.) 

This pattern has led me to ponder the question Why? 

While I am not going to magically answer this question at 10pm on a Friday, since I am not magic. LOL Here are some ideas that pop into my head:

• Having signposts for the difference between everyday mental health struggles and more serious mental health challenges.
• The classic knowing that someone else has had a similar experience to me always feels comforting. 
• The classic seeing someone on the other side of their mental health struggle/break down is comforting.
• The classic hearing what worked for them to get ideas of what might work for me and my mental health.  
• Being able to add people to the choirs inside my head that works as my therapist can also be very helpful

(I have to say Thank You to all the characters, actors, writers, creative people who spend time in my head, and sometimes even my dreams, providing wisdom, understanding, and comfort. I want to say Thank You and that you have been more helpful in helping me possess than the 4-5 therapists I have tried for short stints over the years in part because you get my references, you understand me even if words don't come, and I know you will never judge me because you are already inside my head LOL)

I will continue to seek wisdom from those who have gone before when it comes to mental health/ burnout/ autistic burnout etc. I will continue to be wooed by actors who talk about their mental health struggles. I will continue to gain strength, wisdom, and comfort from the collective unconscious and all the stories that collective unconscious contains. 

C2E2 2023 Day 1 In Review

 

Today I Went as Dream of the Endless

Fidget The Fidget Dragon communing with the dragon on my badge LOL 

Panel 1

Zachary Levi (Shazam Dude)

This was just a really fun panel and a great way to start off C2E2. I am glad I watched Shazam (the first one) like a week ago since I saw this dude was coming. The best way I can describe him is a real life version of his Shazam character LOL. The whole panel was Q & A but it actually worked, the questions were good and he gave really entertaining answers. You could tell his was excited to be talk with everyone at his panel. He also talked about mental health so of course I now have claimed him as one of the super cool people at the super cool table LOL. 

Panel 2

"My Mental Health, My Comics"

This panel was looking at the power of comics, reminded us all how pretty much every superhero has a mental health challenge (trauma, PTSD, etc.) and ended with some art therapy which was fun. Also since I volunteered for an activity I ended up with a wonder women pop figure which is cool, she can join Loki and Captain Cold LOL

Cool People Moments

• Someone recognizing that I was Dream of the Endless
• Chatting with an author who happened to write a book set in the medieval age. 1308 so just before Hob Gadling So Hob's Grandfather's time? The author was excited when I asked when it was set (this is what happens when you listen to too much of the Gone Medieval Podcast LOL
• Chatted with someone at the Its ok, Not to be ok table who happened to be neurodivergent too 

Cool Giveaways

Lots of uncorrected proofs to read (or donate at the library since a few I have no interest in LOL) 

Wonder Woman Pop Figure

A hat

Random Stuff

Giant Cookie Monster not as cute as Beebo Sorry LOL

Intersections of Alan Turing and My Life

This afternoon I got to the world premiere of "The  Life and Death(s) of Alan Turning" via the Chicago Opera Theater. It was really good and I am glad I was able to go. (Thank You Chicago Opera Theater for having a limited number of $25 tickets because otherwise it would have been outside my budget) It was fun seeing his life as an opera (and I really liked the ending that felt like it let him metaphorically get a happily ever after with Christopher his first love.) 

It also made me think about how Alan Turing's life has intersected with my own. 

LGBTQA+ Intersections:

In all honesty I was first introduced to Alan Turing via Cumberbatch and "The Imitation Game." I was excited about the movie because Cumberbatch would be in it, I then discovered that the character he was playing (Alan Turing) was gay and it became what now I would call a special interest. I read several biography's about Alan Turing, forced my way through a few other book that said they were explaining the math behind what Turing did in simple terms (though I won't say I ever understood that math LOL), and spent months following the film, how many cities it had been released in, how much it had made, how it was ranking in terms of top grossing films of all time, etc.

There was something powerful about learning the story of one of us (Yes I am Ace not Gay but for me anyone under the LGBTQA+ is one of my people, one of us), and something heartbreaking about how he was persecuted despite helping break the enigma code and therefore helping win WW2. And something even more heart breaking in that the reason the legal system got involved was because he was robbed and instead of getting justice his reward was be robbed a second time (robbed of his personhood) this time by the legal system that was more concerned with what people were doing in their homes/personal lives then they were about justice which mirrors what is happening in many states right now when it comes to trans issues, women identified individuals, etc. (Sorry will get off soap box now)

Neurodivergence Intersections:

Alan Turing then popped up again when I was first exploring neurodivergence when the actor Wentworth Miller announced being autistic. Now Alan Turing has been adopted by the autistic community, but we will never know because our language and understandings of neurodivergence have changed, so of course he never got any formal diagnosis (and he would not have had the language to self diagnose), but Alan Turing falling somewhere under the neurodivergent umbrella feels like a good fit to me. 

I do have to note Alan Turing was one of the reasons I did not realize I was Autistic because I was like but I don't want to build computers from scratch (or be a consulting detective like Sherlock or be an internationally famous actor like Wentworth Miller) so therefore I must not be Autistic LOL but that is totally on me and not on Alan Turing LOL. But in many ways Alan Turing did the best when he was allowed to be himself, be some flavor of neurodivergent, follow his special interests, and be accepted for who he was.  

Where will we next intersect?

I do not know when Alan Turing and I will intersect next. Probably the next time someone creates an opera, musical, play about his life LOL. I do know I hope to channel Alan Turing's ability to always know who he was and always be who he was no matter what those around him said or thought. His ability to always be unmasked. his ability to see where he wanted to go in terms of computers and take the steps he needed to to get there. There are many "gigabytes" of wisdom we all can learn from Alan Turing. Wisdom that is needed now more than ever.

Menstruation Is Not A Bad Word!!!

 

Yesterday I was catching up on email and ran into another WTF political moment. In this case trying to ban any talk about menstruation in Florida elementary schools*. 

Menstruation Is Not A Bad Word!!! 

Menstruation Is Not A Bad Word!!! 

Menstruation Is Not A Bad Word!!! 

I am very very tired of mensurating bodies being criminalized, being shamed, being something that no one can speak about. Human bodies and human functions are not bad, not unclean, not what ever these politicians think they are. 

Menstruation Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Gender Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Sex Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Gay Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Lesbian Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Bi Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Ace Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Trans Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Drag Queen Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Race Is Not A Bad Word!!!

Whatever Is The Next Word That Will Be Banned Is Not A Bad Word!!!

* Source The Daily Skimm Mar 20, 2023

Don’t Say Period

The Story

Florida lawmakers don't want some girls talking about their periods.

What?

Last week, a Florida House subcommittee passed a proposed bill that would ban conversations about periods and sexual health in elementary schools. The legislation also bans students from talking about STDs or sexuality. It's the state’s latest effort to crack down on school curriculum (see: bans on books and critical race theory, and the ‘Don’t Say Gay Bill’). The bill still needs to go to the floor for a full vote, but it could pass in the Republican supermajority Legislature.

What are people saying?

State Rep. Stan McClain (R-FL), who’s sponsoring the bill, reportedly said the bill would bring consistency to sex education across Florida’s school districts. But state Rep. Ashley Gantt (D) called the bill “egregious,” and raised concerns that younger girls — who may go through puberty earlier in life — wouldn’t be able to ask questions about their changing bodies in school. For his part, McClain said he’d be “amenable” to changes.

Am I Disabled? Intersections Of Neurodivergence and Disability?

March is National Disability Awareness Month. 

What is disability?

As the CDC puts it a disability is any condition of the body or mind (impairment) that makes it more difficult for the person with the condition to do certain activities (activity limitation) and interact with the world around them (participation restrictions). The CDC reports up to 1 in 4 (26 percent) adults in the United States have some type of disability.

To be honest I was not paying attention that March was Disability Awareness Month until a local family owned bookstore put up a display for Disability Awareness Month and it happened to include a wide selection of books around neurodiversity including autism which confused me a bit since I knew that National Autism Awareness Month was not until April, and I was not sure why neurodiversity would be part of the Disability Awareness Month display.

Which brings us to the question am I disabled? 

(Note I will be using the wording that works in my brain right now, if I am using the wrong terminology I apologize in advance and I do not intend to do so, and the classic phrase "When you know one autistic person you know one autistic person" also applies, I am in no way claiming to speak for anyone expect myself)

According to the CDC Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges. (emphasis added)

But that does not answer my question or at least does not answer if I feel disabled. I think there are a number of reasons that I struggle to claim an identity of disability while I do not have that challenge when it comes to an identity of neurodivergence or an LGBTQ+ identity.  

I think the most important ones are

a) I am new to my autistic identity so I have been functioning for my whole life up to this point and personally saying that means I was disabled even though I did not know it is hard for me to wrap my head around. 

b) While self-diagnosis in the adult autism community is widely accepted because there are many barriers to formal diagnosis as an adult being self-diagnosis makes me feel like I should not be taking from the very limited pie of resources available for those who are disabled. 

c) I am guessing there is a dose of internalized Ableism in my thoughts that since I have low support needs, those support needs are less important/less worthy of being named a disability. The thought patterns that since I can function without high support levels that must mean I am not disabled because my internalized Ableism says only high support needs count. 

Personally I am still wrestling with the question: Am I disabled? I am also wrestling with:

• What supports/accommodations would be useful?
• Where have a needed supports but since I did not know I needed them/to ask for them just decided something was not for me or that I was bad at something and quickly moved on to something else?
• In what ways have I been disabled through out my life?
• When a therapist suggested I was autistic, and I later self diagnosed, it felt like a smooth transition that did not involve that much processing, autism just became my new special interest LOL. Now about 9 months later I am realizing I am not sure if I processed enough at the start and think I still have more to process

I can't say I have any answers to these questions yet. But I do think spending some time considering them is a useful exercise. (And once we reach April I will be blogging more about autism and my autistic journey just Wait for It LOL) 

Naatu Naatu

 

Last night I ended up watching the Oscars since my roommates had it on our TV. One moment that stood out to me was hearing the song "Naatu, Naatu" and then having the song win an Oscar. There is something about it that is just bouncy and fun. 

It's the first Telugu language song to ever win at Oscars. Telugu is spoken by Telugu people predominantly living in the Indian states of Andhra Pradesh and Telangana, where it is also the official language. It is one of the twenty-two scheduled languages of the Republic of India. It is one of the few languages that has primary official status in more than one Indian state, alongside Hindi and Bengali. Telugu is one of six languages designated as a classical language (of India) by the Government of India.

In the film, the performance of "Naatu Naatu" takes place when Ram (Ram Charan) and Bheem (N. T. Rama Rao Jr.) are bullied for being the only Indian attendees of a British colonial party. When a British man insults them, saying "Look at all these (Derogatory Term). What do they know about art? About finesse? About dance? Tango, swing, flamenco? Can you do any of these?" Raju replies, "Not salsa, not flamenco, my brother. Do you know naatu?"

As a note, "Naatu Naatu" doesn't mean "dance dance," it translates more to "raw, unpolished." Basically they're describing their dance as "Naatu." If you watched RRR on Netfix in Hindi with English subtitles, you'll notice the lyrics are different—they are translating a Hindi version of the song.

Here is the clip of them dancing at the Oscars

Here is the full clip from the film the song is from "RRR"

'RRR' Director Breaks Down the Oscar-Winning Naatu Naatu Scene | Vanity Fair

This break down is fascinating including facts like this was filmed at the Ukraine presidential place

This is one English translation of the lyrics, 

But like any translation process different people/groups translate the song differently into English.

March Marching Into Renewal?

 

February was a month where I tried to focus on self love, this looked like enjoying various teas I had collected and using up some lotions etc. I also focused on reading a wide range of book by Black authors for Black History Month. And now it is March.

In many ways while my official theme for February was self love in reality it was also staying busy enough in order to survive since as I have said before February is often feels like the longest month to me. (And based on social media I am not the only one who finds February tends to be challenging)

So for March I am trying to focus on renewal and connection to others. I am trying out a Lent discussion at the church that my church shares space with. I am also trying a new book club at a local book shop that opened last Nov (This is a continuation of attending a few February book discussions at my local branch of the library)  

In some ways you could say in March I hope to march into some internal, virtual, and physical spring cleaning. Getting rid that which is stagnate, what no longer serves, what is holding me back. Or in the words of the book How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, trying to make my life inside and out more functional. 

In addition March is Women's History Month so I will focus on only reading books with female or nonbinary identified individuals. I am honestly not quite sure what else I will be doing to celebrate women this month. While I was assigned female at birth and self identify as female I would not say I strongly identify with that identity. 

May we all have a good March filled with renewal and connection.