Living Lighter: Expectations

One way I am working on Living Lighter is being honest and flexible with my expectations around myself and others. No one is able to do everything. No one! But everyone can do something. It can too easily feel like if we can not solve the whole problem, complete the whole task, clean the whole house, there is no reason to start. But in reality, the only way progress is ever made is through the collective weight of many small actions added up together.

It is too easy to forget that people are on different spots on every spectrum. For example, I am someone who found one of the personal results of Covid-19 was social interactions have become more overwhelming for me. While many others are seeking more interactions, I am finding I am avoiding them. I will watch your zoom meeting or panel discussion but don't call me out during them to speak up. My introverted tendency to watch, think, and process before responding (typically in written form) makes being put on the spot uncomfortable.

Recognizing this has been important to keep me from judging individuals who have more extroverted tendencies and who actually need more social (often in person) interaction now as Covid-19 lockdowns are lifted. And recognizing the importance of giving myself grace no matter how quickly or not quickly I appear to move along some socially constructed Covid-19 transition timeline. Just because I am going slower does not mean that I am not making progress. Just because others are going faster does not mean they are choosing wrong either.

I find that the effect of personal expectations can be complex. While having a plan on what I want to accomplish is important, so too is giving myself grace when I don't get to everything on the list. One tip I have learned is to make category-based lists. These lists are less lists of what exactly I should be doing and more guidelines of areas I want to focus on. 

For example, My June daily list is:

• Fitness
• Pride
• #BlackLivesMatter
• Spiritual
• Work Week/Week End (Depending on if M-F or Saturday/Sunday in order to separate these time periods)
• Other

I try to make sure to do something in each category each day. What that looks like differs from day to day. This goes back to the idea that No one is able to do everything. But everyone can do something. Or as is described in this tweet: Normalize Micro Activism (Or I would say normalize micro change)

Small actions have the most impact. So, for example, you could commit to taking one #BlackLivesMatter action each day such as choosing one thing from a list such as: 

1. Read an article
2. Listen to a Ted Talk
3. Watch a webinar
4. Read a book
5. Listen to stories of BIPOC
6. Donate $
7. Donate Skills
8. Support BIPOC owned and operated businesses
9. Support BIPOC owned and operated non-profits
10. Learn the racial history of your neighborhood (Who used to live there?, Who lives there now?, Why is the racial makeup of your neighborhood the way it is?)
11. Learn about the issues that the BIPOC in your community have raised with your community's institutions and policies
12. Attend anti-racism training

It is not about trying to do everything at once (because you will burn out very quickly) but about the commitment to take one step every day.

Always remember you are moving at your own pace, the speed of the pace is not the most important thing, instead what really matters is simply committing to take a step, and then another step, and never stop.