Dive Deep: Celebrate Mid Year

Congrats!!! 

You have made it through half of 2020. 

And given how 2020 is going that is an accomplishment. 

So this is a short reminder to celebrate

Put on some tunes and have a dance party for one

Drink the tea, Burn the candles, Use the lotion.

Get all cozy 

Or

Get all sweaty

Or

Get all you

It is important that we remember the small things

The things you have overcome so far

The things you have accomplished so far 

Living in 2020

Living in "Interesting Times"

Living just Living our lives

Remember you are Wonderful

Remember you are Amazing

Remember you are Awesome

So celebrate inside your home

So celebrate virtually with friends

So celebrate every breath you get to take

Congrats!!! 

You have made it through half of 2020

Congrats!!!

(P.S. The next blog post will give you ideas as you reflect on the first half of the year and make plans for the second half of the year, but work comes later, right now simply celebrate)

Happy Pride Weekend

Happy Pride Weekend

This year Pride looks different

But some truths are always true

You are Loved, You are Beloved, You Belong

Cis-gendered or Transgendered or Non-binary

You are Loved, You are Beloved, You Belong

Ace or Aro or Pan or Poly or Hetero or Gay or Bi

You are Loved, You are Beloved, You Belong

Original or Traditional or Mindbending Bold

You are Loved, You are Beloved, You Belong

Happy Pride Weekend

Put on some cool pride tunes

Dance and Celebrate and Party

Because some truths are always true

You are Loved, You are Beloved, You Belong

A visual list of Pride Resources: 

(I did not create any of these infographics myself)

Some Pride Flag Meanings:

Romantic/Sexual Spectrums: 

Some types of attraction: 

And last but not least I will leave you with a song:

Live Lighter: 5 Life Lessons From Cleaning My Apartment

So I am in the middle of a period of cleaning since one of my roommates is moving out and another is moving in. I figure this is a good time to reorganize my stuff and dust etc. This is not the first period of cleaning I have done, nor will it be the last. As I proceed with this cleaning though I have found several life lessons which I hope are useful for you.

1. Slow and Steady Is The Way:

When taken as a whole, a task can be overwhelming and we can feel finishing is impossible, (Impossible either as in large complex and challenging or Impossible as someone's "Impossible Task"), but if we break our tasks into smaller pieces and do one tiny step at a time it can be amazing what we can accomplish. Put away 5 items, Write 1 sentence, Listen to 1 person.

2. Everything Takes More Time

No matter how much time we schedule for a cleaning task (or a life task) it is very likely it will take more time than planned. That is OK. All this means is we need to give ourselves grace and personal deadline extensions. Don't beat yourself up if the task takes extra time. 

3. Recognize And Honor Seasons

When cleaning we often find that we don't have to have everything of a certain category out at the same time. It is great to have a few boxes of stuff neatly put away so we can change things up. For example, changing the color palette of your space can make everything feel new. It is also important that we recognize and honor personal seasons in our lives. What activities and items and thoughts served us well in the past may differ from those which serve us in the present moment. Sometimes a passion needs to be boxed up neatly so we can focus on other things and later we can bring it out once again.

4. Everything Is Better With Music

Depending on the task there is music that calms us down and helps us focus and music that energizes us to keep going as we get lost in the beat. So when in doubt put on your favorite tunes to make your task fly by quicker.

5. It Will Never Be Perfect 

It will never be perfect! The apartment will never be completely clean. The paper will never be perfectly written. The understanding will never be perfectly clear. The personal connection will never be perfectly deep. And that is OK :)

Dive Deeper: Exploring My Polish Historical-Cultural Heritage

Cooked By Lisa Rothman
Photo By Kris Adamik

Cooked By Lisa Rothman
Photo By Kris Adamik

(I consider my heritages historical-cultural because they were neither highlighted nor did I feel any connections to them growing up. I am exploring these heritages in part because I want to understand what "normal" experiences I had growing up which were really rooted in my various White cultural identities. As #BlackLivesMatter is being highlighted, I can't be my best collaborator if I don't know my own cultural background, and how that background has impacted me in unknown ways)

This story begins with episode 7 of Queer Eye season 5. In this episode, Antoni Porowski was amazingly excited to be able to prepare Polish food in his role as the shows food and wine expert. His excitement made me want to recommit to exploring my own historical-cultural heritage.

6/20/20

(Historical Culture Frames of Reference)

Watching Queer Eye tonight the universe gave me a nudge

A reminder, Yes I should explore my White cultural heritage

Antoni was so excited for Polish food, His cultural background

Reminds me there has to be coolness in my kaleidoscope

Of Polish, Swiss, German, 

Of Romanian, Russian, Austro-Hungarian, 

Of even some French

I mean I have some historical cultural connection to Antoni

I mean I have some historical cultural connection to Marquis de Lafayette

I mean I have some historical cultural connection to my family's friend Einstein

It is time to research these cultural identities 

To try some new foods or learn how to cook others

To better understand my various cultural strands

To better know the privileges and frames of reference I have inherited

So I do not stand wishing I was something that I am not

It is time to research my White cultural identities

Because if I don’t know my own historical reference points

I will be a weaker fighter against White Supremacy

So this week I have started with my Polish historical-cultural heritage. (In honor of Antoni Porowski/Queer Eye :) ) Yesterday I made Pierogi from scratch (see the photos above), using this recipe (Though my filling was what I randomly had on hand). They turned out really well.

While I don't remember having Pierogi growing up (and while I have had many similar foods not sure how often, if ever I have had Pierogi before), I did learn (Going back to Queer Eye) that foods I grew up with such as kielbasa are Polish (I also think some of the cookies I used to make with my grandparents were probably Polish).

My first foray into cooking dishes from my Historical-Cultural Heritage was a lot of fun and I look forward to continuing to do so in the future.

Dive Deep: Juneteenth's Meaning Today

This year marks a new awareness and a deeper conversation around the #BlackLivesMatter movement and a deeper understanding of the need to examine the racism and white supremacy that has been intertwined with this country from the very beginning.

As part of this conversation, there has been a growing interest in Juneteenth, the holiday celebrating the actual end to slavery on June 19th, 1865. 

This was two years after the emancipation proclamation, and two months after the end of the civil war, (because according to the above song by The Roots, texas landowners wanted one more growing season.)

This date has been celebrated in the form of Juneteenth celebrations. In the following clip from 2015, Minnesota musician and actor T. Mychael Rambo explains, why Juneteenth is still commemorated and celebrated in Black communities today. 

In addition, below is an extended conversation from 6/19/20 about the history of Juneteenth, how and in what context Juneteenth is taught, and how Juneteenth intersects with larger movements such as #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackTransLivesMatter, and Pride. This is an important conversation as we struggle to put Juneteenth in context through the lens of 2020.

Finally this year in response to #BlackLivesMatter many companies have promised to recognize Juneteenth but there is a lot variation in how it will be recognized from recurring annual holidays to one time only optional moments of silence. But some are seeing these actions as performative allyship without meaningful substance behind it.

Juneteenth in the year 2020 is a moment to pause and sit with the racist and white suprematist history of this country. One period of this history included counting Blacks as 3/5's of a person and the widespread of holding Blacks as slaves because our country wanted free labor. Today this legacy can be seen in our criminal justice system, de facto segregated communities, and unequal access to resources such as money and public services. 

Celebrating Juneteenth is part of a much larger conversation so today I challenge you to:

• Participate or view one of the many Juneteenth celebrations happening virtually. 
• Listen to Black voices on the experience and effect of racism (Ex: Ted Talks focused on racism in America)
• Listen to Black musicians (Spotify will make it easy: The playlist ‘New Music Friday’ will exclusively feature black artists on Friday, June 19th). 
• Support Black-owned businesses. 
• Support Black authors. 
• Donate to Black-led organizations and nonprofits
• Watch media created by black artists (Plays, Films, ...)

. 

Living Lighter: Expectations

One way I am working on Living Lighter is being honest and flexible with my expectations around myself and others. No one is able to do everything. No one! But everyone can do something. It can too easily feel like if we can not solve the whole problem, complete the whole task, clean the whole house, there is no reason to start. But in reality, the only way progress is ever made is through the collective weight of many small actions added up together.

It is too easy to forget that people are on different spots on every spectrum. For example, I am someone who found one of the personal results of Covid-19 was social interactions have become more overwhelming for me. While many others are seeking more interactions, I am finding I am avoiding them. I will watch your zoom meeting or panel discussion but don't call me out during them to speak up. My introverted tendency to watch, think, and process before responding (typically in written form) makes being put on the spot uncomfortable.

Recognizing this has been important to keep me from judging individuals who have more extroverted tendencies and who actually need more social (often in person) interaction now as Covid-19 lockdowns are lifted. And recognizing the importance of giving myself grace no matter how quickly or not quickly I appear to move along some socially constructed Covid-19 transition timeline. Just because I am going slower does not mean that I am not making progress. Just because others are going faster does not mean they are choosing wrong either.

I find that the effect of personal expectations can be complex. While having a plan on what I want to accomplish is important, so too is giving myself grace when I don't get to everything on the list. One tip I have learned is to make category-based lists. These lists are less lists of what exactly I should be doing and more guidelines of areas I want to focus on. 

For example, My June daily list is:

• Fitness
• Pride
• #BlackLivesMatter
• Spiritual
• Work Week/Week End (Depending on if M-F or Saturday/Sunday in order to separate these time periods)
• Other

I try to make sure to do something in each category each day. What that looks like differs from day to day. This goes back to the idea that No one is able to do everything. But everyone can do something. Or as is described in this tweet: Normalize Micro Activism (Or I would say normalize micro change)

Small actions have the most impact. So, for example, you could commit to taking one #BlackLivesMatter action each day such as choosing one thing from a list such as: 

1. Read an article
2. Listen to a Ted Talk
3. Watch a webinar
4. Read a book
5. Listen to stories of BIPOC
6. Donate $
7. Donate Skills
8. Support BIPOC owned and operated businesses
9. Support BIPOC owned and operated non-profits
10. Learn the racial history of your neighborhood (Who used to live there?, Who lives there now?, Why is the racial makeup of your neighborhood the way it is?)
11. Learn about the issues that the BIPOC in your community have raised with your community's institutions and policies
12. Attend anti-racism training

It is not about trying to do everything at once (because you will burn out very quickly) but about the commitment to take one step every day.

Always remember you are moving at your own pace, the speed of the pace is not the most important thing, instead what really matters is simply committing to take a step, and then another step, and never stop.

Dive Deeper: Pride and Progress

This morning the Supreme Court stated that LGBTQ American's can't be fired because of who they love. Why it took until 2020 I do not know. (And why last week on the anniversary of Pulse, another rule change, by the administration, stripped protections for Trans Individuals and legally allowed their access to healthcare to be denied, I don't know, and it breaks my heart.) 

I mean this is personal, as an Ace (asexual), I am part of the LGBTQ+ family. Before today I could have been fired because of my Ace identity. The chances of such an occurrence happening to me with the collective privileges I have as a cis-gendered asexual white woman were low but still real. For individuals who do not have these levels of privileges (such as trans women of color etc), these occurrences happened day-in and day-out. 

Who you are or who you love has zero impact on your ability to do a professional job. 

Pete posted on Facebook putting today in context. 

Now proving that you were fired because your LGBTQ+ identity will still always be hard  (Check out Kimberlé Crenshaw's Ted Talk on intersectionality to see this issue in a different context), but this supreme court ruling is still important progress. 

But I also know while this is a step in the right direction, it is only a step, like gaining marriage equality was just a step. For every step forward we make, the path to full inclusion, full respect for all individuals, full belonging, love, boldness, excellence, and joy, feels like it gets a bit longer. Yes, we are making progress but we still have so far to go.  

Paraphrasing something Billy Porter said during Curator Culture at The [Virtual] Bass with Pete Buttigieg and Billy Porter why are we still debating the humanity of other people? 

I believe as a people, as a community, as a nation, and as a world, we all need to take a deep look at our systems and institutions. We need to acknowledge and lament the white supremacy, homophobia, transphobia, and sexism which has been built into our systems and then boldly rebuild these institutions from the ground up consciously removing these concepts which dehumanize us all. 

So personally, today is a day to celebrate progress, but also a time to think about how long the path has been, and how long the path is still yet to be. As a people, as a country, as a world, we are still debating the humanity of other people. We still are trapped in patterns that say some people count more as people then other people do. All people are people and are worthy of Love and Belonging or as many have said no one is free unless we all are free. Free to live. Free to love. Free to simply be.

 

Pulse: A Intersectional Remembrance

Pulse: 4 Years Later 

Pulse was a shooting which hit me hard

It was my people who were killed in a mass

In a place consider Holy

I walked by similar Holy places every day

Walked by, To and from work

Pulse reminded me of my own privilege

As a cis-gendered asexual white woman

The privilege of unknowing

So few people know what Asexual is

No one can identify us Aces at 20 paces

Pulse was a reminder

No matter what progress we had made

There was still

Uncertainty, Pain, and Even Death

And these are still just as true 

We currently are in a moment

When we are acknowledging

Some of the white supremacist roots of our institutions

#BlackLivesMatter, #BlackTransLivesMatter, #BlackQueerBodiesMatter

But these lives continue to be killed in a mass too

This world is still filled with

Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism

In messages, we all see every day

From political and cultural leaders

Telling us all that we are not worthy

But we are Beloved and Loved

But we are Brave and Justice Seekers

But we all are worthy

#BlackLivesMatter, #BlackTransLivesMatter, #BlackQueerBodiesMatter

So go forth: Protest, March, Dance, and above all LOVE

Too many systems are broken

Too many communities torn apart

Too many family members lost

So, mourn and cry and scream

And then create New Systems 

That Celebrate BIPOC

That Celebrate Trans Women and Trans Men 

And Gender Queer People

Create New Systems

Filled with intersectional awareness

Intersectional belovedness

Pulse reminded us we need to boldly out into the world dancing and marching and protesting and sending Love out in the world.

BIPOC music to explore:

Queer Black Musicians

Queer/Two-Spirit Indigenous Musicians 

Queer Latinx Musicians, and 

Queer Musicians By Country

We also need to support BIPOC Queer Led Organizations:

I personally support Lighthouse Foundation an amazing Black Queer Led nonprofit social justice organization that advances justice for Black LGBTQ+ people across Chicagoland through empowerment, education, and entertainment.

Find the BIPOC and BIPOC Queer Led Organizations in your own community and see what support you can give: Maybe money. Maybe marching, Maybe protesting, Maybe writing elected officials, Research what your local organizations have been asking for and organize your neighbors to help.

Other actions we can take:

We also need to support organizations offering mental health services rooted in the BIPOC

experience.

We also can also pay attention to the policies, procedures, and laws happening at the local, state, and national levels. We can support local candidates we agree with. We can virtual canvass for candidates across the nation.

We can pay attention to the groups and originations we are a part of. We can pay attention if these groups and organizations have a significant amount of BIPOC or Queer representation in upper management/leadership. If not we need to start examining why and what we and our groups and organizations can do to cultivate more PIPOC and Queer representation in leadership.

The 4th anniversary of Pulse is another reminder to push even harder to create a physically safe, emotionally safe, and loving country for BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and LGBTQ+ BIPOC

Dive Deeper: Faith, Politics, Social Media

Now I know that both faith and politics bring out strong opinions in others, but today's blog post is in response to a social media conversation I ended up becoming a part of.

Context:

A Facebook page for Church Leaders posted a journalistic article their organization had written. The article covered public statements and responses to the current president's recent photo op at the historic St. John’s Episcopal Church, by both religious and political leaders. In summary, the article stated different people have different views of what happened and went through each person's view.

What Happened:

The post popped up because my pastor had commented on someone's response to the article who had stated they were leaving the Facebook page and how horrible sharing this article was. When I looked at the thread I saw many comments that were in the same vein so I decided to write a response (the first one below) and you can see the responses of my Pastor (the second response) and two responses from strangers who tagged me in their posts.  (I did note they did not tag my Pastor, just me)

Analysis Comment #1:

I found the first stranger's comment to be confusing because of the idea we are not supposed to hold government leaders accountable. In a country where government officials are elected, we have the right and the duty to hold them accountable and express when we disagree with actions we think are wrong.

Or as a close friend responded when I shared the response with them: "because we're supposed to elect people and then do nothing? lol they're in public office, it's a part of their job to be held accountable."

I also note the confusion that according to this stranger's post I am supposed to hold my church pastor accountable (I am not sure what the commentator meant here, in general, or because my pastor agreed that we should hold elected officials accountable) but not my government officials.

Analysis Comment #2:

I found the second stranger's comment that "Learn proper interpretation of the Word ... don't fit ur own narrative to the Word of God" to be interesting considering this individual was doing just that. There are many interpretations of the Word of God and biblical texts are complex, confusing, written to fit a particular historical narrative, and often self-contradictory.

While I do not know the background of this individual: If they are a pastor or not, I find it fascinating how strongly they feel their own interpretation is right and the interpretation of others (My interpretation which my own pastor said they appreciate) is clearly not right.

I have heard many different interpretations of each and every event and conversation in the bible. I struggle with those who think they totally understand what was meant or what god meant in this complex collection of narratives, genealogies, laws, parables, and culture myths which has been interpreted over and over again throughout history.

Summary:

This Facebook conversation heightened how different people see different roles for both Religion and Politics. It was interesting to see how many commentators on the sharing of the original article felt that it hit a nerve and that they felt uncomfortable. This blog post is not to say I have the right interpretation but to simply highlight how many hold views that are different from me. It is too easy for us all to think everyone agrees with us and forget the diversity of opinions.

Living Lighter: 5 Attitudes To Let Go Of

When I think about living lighter I often think in terms of less stuff such as less material goods, healthy foods, or maybe doing yoga or mediation.

But with everything happening in the world and recent posts/responses I have seen online I have been extra aware of the weight of Attitudes. I have found that personally journalling or writing poems can help me process my own attitudes and feelings.

So here are 5 heavy attitudes we all need to be aware of and minimize in society because they don't bring anyone joy: (You may or may not have experienced any particular attitude on this list but collectively as a society we all have)

• That we are not worthy/do not belong/are not amazingly valuable because of our race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, economic status, or mental health status.

• That identity expression is a limited resource, that if we honor how someone self identifies or use inclusive language that makes them feel more comfortable, somehow our own identity is being attacked. 

• That comfort or not rocking the boat are more important values than taking a deep, thoughtful, and hard look at our selves, our institutions, and our leaders to see where we could be better accomplices in the work of justice.

• That there is only one way to look at an issue or solve a problem and that we inherently have "the answer" to any question and don't need to be in dialogue.

• That any issue is about or can be responded to solely as an individual, or that we must carry our own challenges all alone and not lean on our wider community and wider support network.

Privilege and My 100th Blog Post

This is the 100th post here at Adventures of a Dreaming Ace. So far, we sure have gone on an adventure exploring lighter topics such as fandom and conventions, and heavier topics such as identity, responding to national tradgies, and currently how to work towards creating an anti-racist world.

This is an accomplishment and I am thankful for everyone who follows this blog regularly or who has popped over to say hi occasionally.

While I am looking forward to seeing what the next chapter of this blog is going to look like (Posts on topics such as pride and the importance of being involved with local politics are already planned during this summer series) celebrating also feels like a form of privilege when we still live in a country where people need to be reminded #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackTransLivesMatter, #BlackQueerLivesMatter.

So in honor of my 100th Blog post

Commit to consuming media (books, TV shows, Movies, Ted Talks, Music) created by black artists, writers, and creators

Commit to studying the tragic and often racist histories of your own communities and organizations, and sit with what has been done historically. (And note if you can not find information on these topics know that is also an expression of racism erasing the history of blacks accomplishments and erasing the history of what has occurred to black communities by others) Racism has been interwoven into our communities for a long long time through policies and procedures and attitudes, it has not appeared overnight and it won't be removed overnight.

Commit to listening to the experiences of blacks in America. (Listening not judging or trying to solve the problem, or thinking you know better about the issue than they do)

Commit to donating money or time or resources to black-run organizations, businesses, and non-profits.

Dive Deeper: Listening To Lived Experiences

Yesterday a friend shared outrage over a post that had been shared on one community page. The post was crude and inappropriate. My friend who is a POC stated their outrage and then called in white allies to not stay silent and to add our voices in expressing our outrage over the post.

I responded on the community page with a "This post is inappropriate and as white people, we all need to take the time to examine our own privilege and our own racism" type of message.

At this point, I have to call myself out and admit I felt good since I was called in as a white ally and I responded in the manner suggested and thought I was done.

And then a troll appeared in the comments.

Someone who thought they better understood the experience of the blacks in this particular community than the blacks themselves. This individual (who was not black) posted responses to every comment critical of the post saying "You don't get the "joke", the post is appropriate and the true experience of blacks in this community."

These post were particularly awkward when posted on the comments of black individuals in the community. When I pointed out that if blacks did not think the post was appropriate we as non-blacks should follow their lead. That how the blacks in the community were being impacted by the original post was more important than any original intent of the post. In response, the individual responded with an "I know better than you do, (or blacks in this community do), about the appropriateness of the post" type comment.

By morning the original post on the page was removed.

For me, this whole situation:

• Highlighted the need to listen to black voices around black issues

• Highlighted that many people think they know the lived experience of others better than those individuals who are living that lived experience. (And yes this sentence sound clunky but any time someone implies someone does not know their own personal experience it is clunky too)

• Highlighted the need to answer the call when POC tell you how you can be useful/helpful to their justice work.

• Highlighted how acts of justice are never one and done actions and that the work will always go on and how easy it is to pat ourselves on our backs before we are anywhere near done with a task

• Highlighted how much work we all have to do within our own communities to unroot systematic racism in our thoughts and actions starting with examining whose stories do we listen to and validate

Dive Deeper: Pain, Protest, 7 Actions

This past weekend has highlighted the fact that as a country we have never deeply examined ourselves or successfully deconstructed our organizations and institutions so that we can rebuild them to be anti-racist. The concerns and issues and emotions and pain and fear and anger are not new. They have been here since before the founding of this nation.

#BlackLivesMatter, #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackLivesMatter

Today June 1st is the first day of Pride month and I was planning on sharing a whole list of pride activities you might do each day, but taking into account the current moment I am changing my list to more fully highlight the African American experience.

(Note I am White and live in Chicago so if African Americans in your local community have different suggestions go with those, they have a better idea of what is needed to be done)

This list starts with opportunities offered by an organization I am apart of the Lighthouse Foundation which advances justice for Black LGBTQ+ individuals (And come from a friend's Facebook post). Since these are virtual opportunities even if you are not in Chicago you can join.

Listening to cultivate empathy & action:

The first, on June 6, is about using pandemic experience to cultivate empathy & action. It's interactive and midway breaks into 3 groups based on whether you're there in a personal capacity, on behalf of a faith community, or with a nonprofit. https://us02web.zoom.us/.../tZIqcuGuqDMpH9MCZk5PoDm1HVyOG...

White Ally/Anti-Racism Training:

And June 20 is the return of our White Ally Training, led again by Smash (who is just so, so great)--this time called Anti-Racism for White Folks. For both of these, advance registration is required. They're both free. https://us02web.zoom.us/.../reg.../WN_HftJG_gDS8W3lqEBy1b-hg

Supporting Black nonprofits/organizations:

We've also set up a mutual aid fund: Lighthouse Foundation is distributing $100 grants to black LGBTQ+ people in Chicagoland who have encountered difficult times due to COVID-19 and the ramifications of white supremacist violence. If you're not sure what to do for Pride month, make this part of it. https://actionnetwork.org/.../black-queer-mutual-aid.../

Donating to bond funds:

And as always, support your local bond fund. Here's Chicago's. https://www.facebook.com/lightfoundchi/posts/878244652581042

Researching local politics:

Look up the public statements made by your local officials. Look up the budget of your police force, where the money is coming from, and if there have been any recent issues with their behavior.  Also, look at how resources are divided up within your community to see if some neighborhoods are benifiting more than others.

Learning the story of African Americans:

If you do not feel you understand the context of the pain that is erupting right now in our country it is your responsibility to put in the time and energy to learn that context.

• Listen to black media
• Learn the stories of blacks who have been killed by police or former police officers
• Learn the names of Trans Women of Color who have been killed
• Listen to full speeches by Martin Luther King Jr or Malcome X etc
• Read books such as The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness

Get out of the way:

Finally, if an African American speaks to their experience know they know their own experience the best. Do not talk over them. Do not think you know their experience better than they do. Do not expect them to respond to their context in the same way you respond to your own. Instead of thinking you know better or having something to teach them simply ask questions such as where would you like me, what would you like me to do, and offer material or financial resources if asked.