Adventures Of A Dreaming Ace

This year Ace Week (or what used to be called “Asexual Awareness Week”) runs from October 25th–31st. The below is a classic Huffington Post image which helps represent the various romantic and sexual orientations people might have. This was one of the first graphics I experienced around asexuality and one which planted the seed that I might be ace.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is really a large matter – it is the difference between the lightning and the lightning bug. Mark Twain

For me one of the many strengths of our community is providing language so others have words to express what they are feeling and what those they care about are feeling. One such area is language around the different types of attractions that people experience. Attraction is a complex and complicated concept and shows why it is always important to have good communication so we know what others are experiencing and what their expectations might be for a particular relationship. This is important no matter where you fall on the gender, romantic, or sexual spectrums.

Ace week is important for me and for other Aces because it reminds us that we are not alone and that we have a history to explore for ourselves. Asexuality (and aromanticism) are becoming better known by the public at large but there are still too many people who don't have words to describe what they are experiencing and this can lead to a lack of a sense of belonging. So this Ace Week make sure you know you are beloved, you are loved, and you belong for exactly who you are.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Noteworthy Can Be Bittersweet

Sometimes that which is noteworthy is also bitter, bittersweet.

In the new documentary Francesco, Pope Francis says same-sex couples should be “legally covered” by civil union laws and “homosexuals have a right to be a part of the family.”

Now I understand how noteworthy this is because historically the catholic church has struggled with the truth that all people are made in Gods imagine, that all people are beloved, that all people deserve basic human dignity. On the other hand it is 2020 for crying out load and that fact that everyone who is part of the greater LGBTQ+ community still face those who do not see them as human or worthy based solely on who they love and care about and want to create families with is mind blowing.

October is LGBTQ+ History Month and I know that fighting for our rights has been a long, long process filled with those who want to stand in our way and harm us just because we want to live our lives. I understand some of this history but honestly there are moments when it comes in relief and I struggle with the fact that we are still fighting for these rights. I am tired of having to go over the same ground again and again and again.

Searching for words, When a pretty high up faith mucky muck

Seems to support at least civil unions for your found siblings

But even though this is noteworthy, still struggling with the fact

In 2020 this is still noteworthy, that there are still those who don’t

Believe that my found siblings/found family are beloved, are loved

This should not be noteworthy, all my found siblings should

Be able to marry if they want, Be able to be family if they want

Not face discrimination in any shape or size or squiggle or time

Not be told love, family, connection, and belonging are somehow wrong

Yes this is noteworthy, Yes I am glad, But also feeling Bittersweet

Monday, October 19, 2020

Who is the villain in a story?

"Who is good and who is wicked all depends on where you stand."

"Every witch was someone's princess in some other once upon a time."

This song "Not the Villain" fits some of where my head has been recently as I think about what makes a villain. I think a villain is just someone who you don't know their backstory yet. For example me and my roommate have now watched a handful of episodes of Legends of Tomorrow and the character I have fallen the most for is My Blue Thief aka Captain Cold, aka Leonard Snart. Honestly he simply seems the most interesting dare I say coolest (Hay in fanfiction he is known for his puns)

Some of this is falling for the character in the actual show, some is researching the actors backstory, and some is reading some fanfiction, ok tons of fanfiction. And while I know he has played a part in the wider DC TV universe, which I have not seen, I struggle with the idea that he seems to be considered a troublemaker in that wider universe. (Ok he is a thief and I don't know how well he sings but I think of him like a Jean Valjean)

I am glad he is part of the adorable band of misfits aka Legends of Tomorrow but at least so far it feels like Captain Swishy Coat (Rip Hunter) is pulling a timelord when they always used to go we can't interfere so lets send The Doctor to do it for us instead silliness. (Or episodes of star trek where they mention the prime directive or try to use the holodeck) Plus Captain Swishy Coat boy needs to take a "how to manage a team" course or something since so far 1/2 way through season 1 he is really really bad at it.

I think I like Blue Thief the way I like a bunch of adorable characters who clearly just need a big hug, some therapy, and some time to process. I think many if not most of the characters who are considered "bad" (at least considered "bad" during some parts of their timelines) are really just adorable misfits who care too much and don't know how to express their emotions well. I am also always impressed with how they have codes of conduct which are clearer than most "good" characters codes.

Supernatural:

Crowley: This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell. We have integrity.

God, the Devil and Bob

Bob providing God + The Devil Therapy

Lucifer (TV Show)

Lucifer Morningstar :

He shunned me. He vilified me. He made me a torturer! Can you even begin to fathom what it was like? Eons spent providing a place for dead mortals to punish themselves? I mean, why do they blame me for all their little failings? As if I'd spent my days sitting on their shoulder, forcing them to commit acts they'd otherwise find repulsive. "Oh, the Devil made me do it." I HAVE NEVER MADE ANY ONE OF THEM DO ANYTHING. Never.

So on this cold and rainy evening I may raise a cup of Hot Cocoa with mini marshmallows to all those who are misunderstood and be there for these characters if only in my daydreams. And for my superhero team I call dibs on Blue Thief, Red Thief, Loki, Lucifer, Pete, Chasten, Jarvis, Gideon and a small handful of Gods. Boy what adventures we would have :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Optimistic Realism

When I was in high school I had a teacher who called me an optimistic realist. This concept can probably best be shown by the dialogue I had with "the universe" (what others might call God/Goddess/Love/….) which basically went I trust that you have a plan but I do not give up my right to complain. Which meant I had "conversations" like I know you are teaching me patience, but right now I don't want to learn patience. (But I do remember a time when a whole string of things had happened and then I was stung by a bug and I was like that is too far universe, and I could tell the universe went oops you are right the bug was too much and let me off the hook for a little while)

I have to admit that this election cycle has been really really hard. Just knowing how in so many ways my life, my identity, my humanity and the humanity of my communities is up on the ballot. It has been challenging to stay optimistic during this year called 2020. In today's Deciding Decade Podcast my Pete talks with Billy Porter and one takeaways was the importance of knowing our history so we can place what we are currently experiencing within that context in order to stay optimistic.

I also have recently been watching several Wentworth Miller interviews/conversations including one at Oxford Union Society back in 2016 where he gave some good advice (in the context of mental health but works in many other contexts too).

What I will say is that self-expression is huge. Having a container in which to put what is boiling up inside of you, your anger, your fear, your guilt, your shame, finding ways to get that out – maybe it’s on paper, maybe it’s on a canvas, maybe it’s a jog around a school track – just get it out of you, as soon as it bubbles up, work to get it out.

Personally I tend to put what I am feeling into daydreams, fandom, fanfiction reading, poetry, this blog but I also know I sometimes struggle to really know what emotions I am feeling in a particular moment or to be able to separate my emotions from the emotions around me. Spending the energy and time to know what you are really feeling is important when life becomes a big ball of aggghhhh.

Another thing is self-care. Just moments where I am doing what I need to do to make sure that I vibrate at the right frequency that might look like burning some sage, that might look like dinner out with a friend, that might look like a bath with Epsom salts – just the things that I need to do for myself that are small, doable, affordable, that nourish me.

To this affect today after several daydream adventures which ended up with fictional characters and/or actors getting me a weighted blanket, when I found a cheap one ($25 vs the several hundred they sometimes cost) while doing some errands I grabbed it. It was a self-care item that turned out was within my budget. (So far it has been really nice)

Right now I know how hard it is to be optimistically realistic. When it feels like we are all stuck in an end of season the world is ending episode time can feel very sticky and thick. But in moments of sticky/thick time remember all those episodes from fiction and history and remember it always comes down to connecting with others, holding out your hand to those with less privilege, and showing the darkness that it will not win if we simply keep going.

Oh, people like us we've gotta stick together

Keep your head up, nothing lasts forever

Here's to the damned to the lost and forgotten

It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom

Sunday, October 11, 2020

National Coming Out Day Poem

Today is National Coming Out Day

A day to celebrate those who have come out

A day to celebrate those who are exploring their identity

A day to celebrate those whispers of our inner hearts

For some it is new and exciting

For some it is big and bold and wild

For some it is quiet

It does not matter if you are newly out

It does not matter if you have been out for ages

It does not matter if you are not out at all

Welcome

You are part of a wider community

You are part of a wider family

You are part of something greater than yourself

Filled with found identity

Filled with found family

Filled with found connection

And you Belong

And you are Beloved

And you are Loved

Today is National Coming Out Day

A day to celebrate those who have come out

A day to celebrate those who are exploring their identity

A day to celebrate those whispers of our inner hearts

I know that for some we have been out for so long we may forget what it was like to come out that first time, while others are in places and spaces that never will be safe to be open about their identities. The thing about today as National Coming Our Day is no matter if you are coming out to yourself, or coming out to the public in a very public way this day is for you.

If you have access to the internet you can join a virtual event today or listen to a podcast by someone in the wider LGBTQ+ family or watch a YouTube speech or simply explore what identities might fit you in this moment of time. And for those who are not ready to share with others or are not in a safe space to do so know you are still seen and heard and celebrated this day.

Finally if you are in a physical space or mental space which feels isolating or lonely know while you may have to do some searching there are always others like you, no matter if you can see them or not, who want to welcome you with open arms and show you the ropes of this amazing community.

Stay safe both physically and mentally and have a wonderful National Coming Our Day.