Living Lighter: 5 Attitudes To Let Go Of

When I think about living lighter I often think in terms of less stuff such as less material goods, healthy foods, or maybe doing yoga or mediation.

But with everything happening in the world and recent posts/responses I have seen online I have been extra aware of the weight of Attitudes. I have found that personally journalling or writing poems can help me process my own attitudes and feelings.

So here are 5 heavy attitudes we all need to be aware of and minimize in society because they don't bring anyone joy: (You may or may not have experienced any particular attitude on this list but collectively as a society we all have)

• That we are not worthy/do not belong/are not amazingly valuable because of our race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, economic status, or mental health status.

• That identity expression is a limited resource, that if we honor how someone self identifies or use inclusive language that makes them feel more comfortable, somehow our own identity is being attacked. 

• That comfort or not rocking the boat are more important values than taking a deep, thoughtful, and hard look at our selves, our institutions, and our leaders to see where we could be better accomplices in the work of justice.

• That there is only one way to look at an issue or solve a problem and that we inherently have "the answer" to any question and don't need to be in dialogue.

• That any issue is about or can be responded to solely as an individual, or that we must carry our own challenges all alone and not lean on our wider community and wider support network.

Privilege and My 100th Blog Post

This is the 100th post here at Adventures of a Dreaming Ace. So far, we sure have gone on an adventure exploring lighter topics such as fandom and conventions, and heavier topics such as identity, responding to national tradgies, and currently how to work towards creating an anti-racist world.

This is an accomplishment and I am thankful for everyone who follows this blog regularly or who has popped over to say hi occasionally.

While I am looking forward to seeing what the next chapter of this blog is going to look like (Posts on topics such as pride and the importance of being involved with local politics are already planned during this summer series) celebrating also feels like a form of privilege when we still live in a country where people need to be reminded #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackTransLivesMatter, #BlackQueerLivesMatter.

So in honor of my 100th Blog post

Commit to consuming media (books, TV shows, Movies, Ted Talks, Music) created by black artists, writers, and creators

Commit to studying the tragic and often racist histories of your own communities and organizations, and sit with what has been done historically. (And note if you can not find information on these topics know that is also an expression of racism erasing the history of blacks accomplishments and erasing the history of what has occurred to black communities by others) Racism has been interwoven into our communities for a long long time through policies and procedures and attitudes, it has not appeared overnight and it won't be removed overnight.

Commit to listening to the experiences of blacks in America. (Listening not judging or trying to solve the problem, or thinking you know better about the issue than they do)

Commit to donating money or time or resources to black-run organizations, businesses, and non-profits.

Dive Deeper: Listening To Lived Experiences

Yesterday a friend shared outrage over a post that had been shared on one community page. The post was crude and inappropriate. My friend who is a POC stated their outrage and then called in white allies to not stay silent and to add our voices in expressing our outrage over the post.

I responded on the community page with a "This post is inappropriate and as white people, we all need to take the time to examine our own privilege and our own racism" type of message.

At this point, I have to call myself out and admit I felt good since I was called in as a white ally and I responded in the manner suggested and thought I was done.

And then a troll appeared in the comments.

Someone who thought they better understood the experience of the blacks in this particular community than the blacks themselves. This individual (who was not black) posted responses to every comment critical of the post saying "You don't get the "joke", the post is appropriate and the true experience of blacks in this community."

These post were particularly awkward when posted on the comments of black individuals in the community. When I pointed out that if blacks did not think the post was appropriate we as non-blacks should follow their lead. That how the blacks in the community were being impacted by the original post was more important than any original intent of the post. In response, the individual responded with an "I know better than you do, (or blacks in this community do), about the appropriateness of the post" type comment.

By morning the original post on the page was removed.

For me, this whole situation:

• Highlighted the need to listen to black voices around black issues

• Highlighted that many people think they know the lived experience of others better than those individuals who are living that lived experience. (And yes this sentence sound clunky but any time someone implies someone does not know their own personal experience it is clunky too)

• Highlighted the need to answer the call when POC tell you how you can be useful/helpful to their justice work.

• Highlighted how acts of justice are never one and done actions and that the work will always go on and how easy it is to pat ourselves on our backs before we are anywhere near done with a task

• Highlighted how much work we all have to do within our own communities to unroot systematic racism in our thoughts and actions starting with examining whose stories do we listen to and validate

Dive Deeper: Pain, Protest, 7 Actions

This past weekend has highlighted the fact that as a country we have never deeply examined ourselves or successfully deconstructed our organizations and institutions so that we can rebuild them to be anti-racist. The concerns and issues and emotions and pain and fear and anger are not new. They have been here since before the founding of this nation.

#BlackLivesMatter, #BlackLivesMatter, #BlackLivesMatter

Today June 1st is the first day of Pride month and I was planning on sharing a whole list of pride activities you might do each day, but taking into account the current moment I am changing my list to more fully highlight the African American experience.

(Note I am White and live in Chicago so if African Americans in your local community have different suggestions go with those, they have a better idea of what is needed to be done)

This list starts with opportunities offered by an organization I am apart of the Lighthouse Foundation which advances justice for Black LGBTQ+ individuals (And come from a friend's Facebook post). Since these are virtual opportunities even if you are not in Chicago you can join.

Listening to cultivate empathy & action:

The first, on June 6, is about using pandemic experience to cultivate empathy & action. It's interactive and midway breaks into 3 groups based on whether you're there in a personal capacity, on behalf of a faith community, or with a nonprofit. https://us02web.zoom.us/.../tZIqcuGuqDMpH9MCZk5PoDm1HVyOG...

White Ally/Anti-Racism Training:

And June 20 is the return of our White Ally Training, led again by Smash (who is just so, so great)--this time called Anti-Racism for White Folks. For both of these, advance registration is required. They're both free. https://us02web.zoom.us/.../reg.../WN_HftJG_gDS8W3lqEBy1b-hg

Supporting Black nonprofits/organizations:

We've also set up a mutual aid fund: Lighthouse Foundation is distributing $100 grants to black LGBTQ+ people in Chicagoland who have encountered difficult times due to COVID-19 and the ramifications of white supremacist violence. If you're not sure what to do for Pride month, make this part of it. https://actionnetwork.org/.../black-queer-mutual-aid.../

Donating to bond funds:

And as always, support your local bond fund. Here's Chicago's. https://www.facebook.com/lightfoundchi/posts/878244652581042

Researching local politics:

Look up the public statements made by your local officials. Look up the budget of your police force, where the money is coming from, and if there have been any recent issues with their behavior.  Also, look at how resources are divided up within your community to see if some neighborhoods are benifiting more than others.

Learning the story of African Americans:

If you do not feel you understand the context of the pain that is erupting right now in our country it is your responsibility to put in the time and energy to learn that context.

• Listen to black media
• Learn the stories of blacks who have been killed by police or former police officers
• Learn the names of Trans Women of Color who have been killed
• Listen to full speeches by Martin Luther King Jr or Malcome X etc
• Read books such as The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness

Get out of the way:

Finally, if an African American speaks to their experience know they know their own experience the best. Do not talk over them. Do not think you know their experience better than they do. Do not expect them to respond to their context in the same way you respond to your own. Instead of thinking you know better or having something to teach them simply ask questions such as where would you like me, what would you like me to do, and offer material or financial resources if asked.

Dive Deeper: Power, Protest, and Pentecost

This morning I woke up to see a clip of CNN reporter Omar Jimenez being arrested on Live TV, pop up in my newsfeed. This is just the latest in a complex and complicated week. While I am not condoning violence, the response of protestors to everything that is happening (including the murder of George Floyd by police) makes sense to me. When your community members and families and friends keep being overtly murdered by the powers and principalities as well as covertly murdered by systems and institutions emotions will be expressed in a big, wild, bold, and sometimes destructive manner. That is how we respond to murder.

As my good friend Polly posted:

I’m clearly not pro-violence. I am pro- revolution. For Christians, this Sunday marks Pentecost, when the fire of the Spirit transforms the people. What if...? 

Lyrics courtesy of many friends who are recalling Les Miserables. 

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Pentecost or as I always say "Wear Red Day", is the culmination of the 50 days of the Easter Season. (How I have been more deeply connecting with faith during Covid-19 will be another post at some point)

Pentecost 101: The apostles were celebrating when the Holy Spirit descended on them. It sounded like a very strong wind, and it looked like tongues of fire. The apostles then found themselves speaking in foreign languages, inspired by the Holy Spirit. AKA the time when The Holy Spirit showed up.

Right now is a time of revolution, and I know from history how revolution is never painless, and revolution never turns out exactly as anyone planned, but I understand I am living in a time of revolution. To my friend's What if ... from above.

• What if we heard and felt and understood the pain of others? 
• What if whites truly acknowledged the pain and suffering and death we have caused to others?
• What if we deconstructed all our institutions and rebuilt them without systemic racism and sexism?
• What if we began anew?
• What if we paid penance for the unexamined systems and institutions we have been apart of?
• What if the below were things that people of every race and creed and background and belief could do without the fear of being killed/murdered?

Things that I, a white person, can do without fear of being killed:

I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery).

I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson).

I can ask for help after being in a car accident (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).

I can have a laptop (#StephonClark).

I can leave a party to stay safe (#JordanEdwards).

I can play loud music (#JordanDavis).

I can sell CDs (#AltonSterling).

I can sleep (#AiyanaJones)

I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).

I can play cops and thieves (#TamirRice).

I can go to church (#Charleston9).

I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).

I can hold a hairbrush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).

I can party on New Years (#OscarGrant).

I can have a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).

I can legally carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastille).

I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).

I can shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford).

I can have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).

I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).

I can be 10 years old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).

I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).

I can ask a question to a police officer (#RandyEvans).

I can cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood)

I can take out my wallet (#amadouDiallo).

I can run (#WalterScott).

I can breathe (#EricGarner).

I can live (#FreddieGray).

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

#BlackLivesMatter

(copied and pasted, feel free to do the same)

Summer Blog Series Launch

Back in January, which now feels like years ago, I chose the phrase "Live Lighter/Dive Deeper" as my motto for the year. While what this phrase looks like in action may have changed since January I am still finding it to be a useful lens to use.

Keeping this in mind I would like to officially welcome you to my (Drum roll please) "Live Lighter/Dive Deeper" summer series. Welcome. Welcome, Everyone.

My plan is to write posts on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (Those who have signed up for updates from this page will get them the following day in their email). These posts will be sharing how I have been living lighter and diving deeper and ideas about how you might too.  Now I can't promise Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! but it should be pretty enjoyable.

Thank you for joining my summer series launch.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day

Today a day to honor all those who have been lost 

Lost to Wars and Conflicts Across Space and Time, We Honor You

Lost to Mental Health, Suicide, Addiction, A Lack of Belonging, We Honor You

Lost to Acts of Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Transphobia, We Honor You

Lost to Gun Violence Everywhere and Anywhere, We Honor You

Lost to Social or Environmental Injustice, We Honor You

Lost to Fear or Pain or Hate or Intolerance, We Honor You

Lost to Sickness, Lost to Illness, Lost to COVID-19, We Honor You

Today we pause and remember all those who never returned

By "Dreaming Ace"

Today is Memorial Day. A day many celebrate as the unofficial start of summer and boy do we need to turn the page and lean into a new season filled with new beginnings. But as Pete Buttigieg reminded me in a tweet this morning Memorial Day is unlike other military holidays such as Veterans Days or Armistice Day; This is the day we honor those who did not come home. 

While typically the scope of Memorial Day is seen to be limited to those who have died in military conflict, I always expand this understanding to include all types of conflict as seen in my poem which starts this blog post. We lose people on many different types of battlefields. Too many of us experience battlefields. 

This year one particularly large battlefield we have lost people on is named COVID-19. This has been a challenging and grief-filled time for so many of us. So yes enjoy today. So yes take a moment to breathe today. But please take a moment to pause and remember and mourn those we have been lost too. Too many have been sacrificed not to remember today is more meaningful and important than simply the unofficial start of summer.