My Relationship With Gender ...

 

I recently read "The Out Side: Trans & Nonbinary Comics," which I really enjoyed, and I think there should be a ton more anthologies of these kinds of comics and stories. I was reminded, yet again, by this collection that I relate to gender differently than most people do.

On a personal note, I go by She/Her/Any pronouns and don't feel a strong connection to being a woman but don't particularly feel any stronger connection to being considered a man or nonbinary, so I identify as a cis-gendered woman when I am asked to identify.

In many of the personal stories in this collection, there was a real conflict between what society says about gender and the experience of the authors with their gender. Often, before discovering they were trans or nonbinary, the authors experienced an intense period of not feeling like they fit in with the gender society assigned them. Many of these stores involved individuals finding great joy when they learned they could express their gender (however they saw it) in whatever way made them most comfortable.

In reading these stories, I realized that I always did what was most comfortable for me at any given time and was often in a place of privilege where I did not have to pay attention to what society said I should be doing.

This is especially true when it comes to clothes. I had great parents who did not care what clothing was labeled if it fit me. Growing up, I often went with shorts labeled for boys because they covered more and had more pockets than ones labeled for girls. And even today, I tend to find T-shirts that are unisex fit much better than ones labeled for women.

Personally, recognizing my privilege, I am aware that things such as clothing are often gendered, but I rarely if ever cared what gender I presented as, so I really didn't pay attention other than having a few pet peeves, such as that in general, women tend to have larger chests than men, so why do women's T-shirts always have so much less material to cover that area? and the universal Why Doesn't "Woman's" Clothing Have Real Pockets?

Another example is the fact that I don't care if body products, candles, etc. are gendered or not; I simply pick what is cheapest or what smells the best to me. I really don't think using "male body wash" is any different from any other body wash, nor do I think "crushed mint and rosemary" is more of a male scent than a woman's scent.

So while I don't feel strongly connected to being a woman, I also have not felt strongly that I was expressing being a woman incorrectly. I always thought people should just wear what makes them most comfortable. Clearly, this is not the case for all people, and thinking about my own relationship to gender and society has been interesting.