Mental Health and Fandom and Me

While this year there were no panels dedicated to mental health at C2E2, it was apart of the conversation. 

• Characters having panic attacks in novels and Readers discovering they were not alone.
• Discussions of characters who go to therapy in their canon storyline
• Creators opening up about there own struggles with Depression and Anxiety.  

While at least in my circle mental health is something which is discussed more and more, these are important conversations which we all need to have more often.

Note:  Everyone reading this know that brains tend to go wonky, it is nothing to be ashamed of, you are not alone, and there are people who want to help you. 

(A Chicago Hamilton Cast PSA about Mental Health)

I remember a C2E2 a few years ago where I was impressed hearing Wil Wheaton speak about his own struggles with mental health. His openness blew me away. 

(The below clip is a 5 min version, and the link is to a long but powerful piece on the topic) 

http://wilwheaton.net/2018/05/my-name-is-wil-wheaton-i-live-with-chronic-depression-and-i-am-not-ashamed/

So in the Spirit of Fandom here is my own story: (Sharing it in case it can help someone else)

I have had extended periods where if I was not clinically depressed I was way to close for comfort. Where like the 90's song I was "a young man sitting in an old man's bar waiting for their turn to die." Periods where I was like the character in Neil Gaiman's "The Day the Saucers Came"

But instead of waiting for the phone to ring, I was just sorta waiting for death to show up with a cup of tea and have this bit of life done. Personally, characters and fandom and creators have helped me through these periods. They are always in my head or in a fanfiction story or in an interview telling me it will be ok, telling me that I am never alone....

• No personally I have never done anything self-destructive, I read fanfiction, and I write about these issues and process these issue through writing, my writing is not a cry for help 
• It is not helpful when people respond with "OMG Are you all right? "... because if I have to worry about you worrying and me processing the processing does not happen as much
• It is important to reach out to people you think might need help but freaking out does not help. Asking something like How are you today?, Can I help with chores?, Here is something I cooked/baked for you?, Just a reminder you are amazing! All work a whole lot better.

Therapy:

Robbie Thompson has helped destigmatize therapy. The first time I saw him at the DePaul Pop Culture Conference on Supernatural he spoke about his own issues with anxiety and his own original reluctance to try therapy. He also included these issues in his run of the comic Silk (Which I highly recommend) As Robbie Thompson said in a great interview about his  Silk and himself and writing and life in general:

I mean, when I needed help, I was in denial about it, thinking—therapy, shmerapy. And I’m the son of a therapist! I’m so grateful I went, but it took a while to get me there.  https://bookriot.com/2016/04/13/silk-goes-therapy-interview-robbie-thompson/

I also remember asking him: How do you know if you are ready to go to therapy? He said for him there were things in his life he just could not get over himself and he knew he needed a little help. 

While it took a long while between that comment to me and actually giving therapy a go I know when I finally did go I framed it as I'm going because Robbie said it would help. And finding a therapist that was a good fit took time:

• Try #1 Only lasted one session because I could not take them seriously when they said that my various issues with life and career were because "There were no communication roles available because newspapers were dead and newspaper men had taken all the communication roles out there" and if you are going WTF that is pretty much what I thought myself
• Try #2 Lasted a few sessions but because I could not articulate any major issues to work through they did not know what to do with me and basically went we are done
• Try #3 Good fit and worked out well. About the 2nd or 3rd session I was like what is the point of this I don't really need to rehash what happened to me this past week I do that and process that on my own, at which point we started to just have cool conversations. And it was nice to have someone to chat to (including the fact that friends tended to freak out and worry when I processed through fanfiction of poetry).

Again Note:  Brains tend to go wonky, it is nothing to be ashamed of, you are not alone, and there are people who want to help you.