Identity and Fandom: Part 1

I did not make it to C2E2 (Chicago Comics and Entertainment Expo) this year but the audio from one of the panels has been posted by The Pop Culture Lens Podcast. The panel was called: The Dark Side of Fandom: Shaming, Infighting and Harassment in Fan Spaces and explored from an academic viewpoint why these types of negativity repeatedly are found in fandom. There was tons of interesting conversation and I recommend you listen to the whole panel.

One part which stood out to me was around fandom as an identity. At one point (around min 24:30) Professor Paul Booth discusses how there is a culture around fandom which is "Preprofessional". There is a idea that fans are using fandom as training to be something more (a writer, a producer, a game designer, a artist ....) At one point he throws out the question "Why is "being a fan" not a good identity to be? Why is it a stepping stone?"

This made me think about my Identity as a fan. While the media I am a fan of changes over time being a fan is one of my main identities. I express my fan identity through connecting deeply with characters, often more deeply then with "real" people. I use the experiences of characters to help me understand the experiences of other people. My general attitude is if it is something that a character is experiencing it is likely it is something others have experienced.

One way I express this connection is through prayer request.(Shout out to all the Pastors who were very understanding of these)

After watching the movie musical Les Mis:

So for anyone who is facing a barricade in their life, or needs to leave their past behind, or is, was, or will be in love, or is struggling to face the fact that life is uncertain, or is facing the unfairness of systems, or anyone else, you are loved. May you have peace and a really big hug from me.

After reading the novel The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon

For all Superheros both masked and fictional and unmasked and real. For all creators of art and for all consumers of art. For all those trying to escape something in their lives. For all Golems. For all immigrants, refugees, and travelers. For all those who find themselves somewhere (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually) which is not their home. For all dealing with the repercussions of sadness or anger or fear. For all past, present, and future who have been unable to be themselves because they feared repression. For all the objects and ideas people deposit their hope and trust and faith into so that it can be personified. For magic in all its forms. For all impacted by war. For the power of story. For love in all its forms. 

After an episode of Supernatural

Prayers of Understanding, Reconciliation, and Communication for Supernatural's God and The Darkness. Prayers for anyone whose relationship with their families is difficult or complex. Prayers for the individuals who are always hurt the most when Giants have Temper Tantrums. Prayers for our universes God (Since God does not get enough prayers wishing her a good day and reminding her she is loved too like she loves all of us). And General Prayers for all people for Love and Kindness and Smiles and Joy.

And sometimes I express myself through poems (Spoilers for season 11 Supernatural)

The sacred can be found in the everyday
If you are open to seeing
Or maybe it was simply some magic
The magic of Ash Wednesday?
The magic of mindreading storytellers?
The magic of common experience?

But as I watched the “Brothers moment”*
At the end of last night episode of SPN
I was moved: My heart strangely warmed?
No tears felt the pull of gravity
But my soul took to flight

We each carry different “Darknesses”
Have different monsters we have to hunt
But we never had a choice
And need to forgive ourselves for our battles
We all live in different colored glass castles
That can be dashed by a puff of wind

And sometimes the first steps are
To admit to our Darknesses
To admit that sometimes we don’t even have the words we need to explain
To admit that joy and apathy and passion and depression and healing
Can be so intertwined they have become one

“We want to kill the Darkness.
We need to kill the Darkness.
And (we) don't think (we) can.”
But we have others who “got it”
And we have to trust that this is enough
Trust that we can slay each other’s monsters

* SPN Season 11 Episode 13 Love Hurts
Dean: No, she can't be.
Sam: Why not?
Dean: Why? Because if she was, then that means I'm-
Sam: Means you're what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?
Dean: For starters, yeah.
Sam: Dean, do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She's the sister of God. And for some reason she picked you, and that sucks, but if you think I'm gonna blame you or judge you, I'm not.
Dean: … We want to kill the Darkness. We need to kill the Darkness. And I don't think I can. I'm sorry to do that to you, you know? But when it comes down to it...
Sam: I got it Dean.

I predominantly connect to fandom through characters, and express fandom through writing (prayers, poems, short stories, ...). Others connect to fandom in different ways. Some know every camera angel, every writer and every director, Some make elaborate and detailed cosplay outfits. Some connect deeply through the lens of gender or sexuality or race.

How do you connect with the fandoms you love? Comment Below

The next part of this series is on how my fandoms are seen by others.

P.S. Shout out to my international readers. So far individuals in Poland, Germany, France, The UK and Pakistan have read my blog  :)