Federalist Paper Poem

This poem is in response to Ron Chernow’s amazing and wonderful Biography of Alexander Hamilton, Hamilton the musical, and various soul searching I have been doing recently

(Please see notes and references at end)

Federalist Paper Poem

(A defense of myself to myself)

This is a poem of confessions

This is a poem of soul searching

This is a poem about relooking at what “America” Means

I was born in America

My story is not the immigrant story

The “Young, scrappy, and Hungry” Story

The “Just you wait” story

The “I’m not throwing away my shot” story

Mine is the story

Of seeing

The warts

The scares

The bruises

Of this country

I have lived here

All my life

(But two years in Peace Corps)

But not feeling

A Strong Identity as an American

But starting with a Musical

Followed by a book

I am relearning

The foundations of this country

Of those who gave up everything

In order to bring this country into being

Who understood the importance of a central government

Which was surprisingly touch and go

I see the foundations of our economics

And why economics matters

To a country

I also see

The breaks

The factions

The fears

Which created the political systems

We live with to this day.

There is power in seeing

Those who would have given everything

Who did give everything

For this country

For the idea of this country

For the promise of this country’s future

Sometimes our countries scars feel like Kintsugi

Sometimes they feel like puss filled wounds

Sometimes we are a bully

Sometimes we challenge everyone we know to a duel

And sometimes we can be

The Honorable Underdog

We all can root for

Today we stand

In the gumbo we call America

And we still cut each other down

We still need

“Black Lives Matter”

“Immigrant Lives Matter”

We need to fight

A revolution against

Whitewashing our media

Whitewashing our history

Whitewashing our identities

We need to fight

A revolution for

Ending Hate

Ending Discrimination

Ending Fear

And on a more personal level

I need to fight

A revolution

A revolution for Love

“Love is Love is Love is Love is Love”

A revolution for life

No matter how heavy the weight of Time feels

A revolution of identity

Who am I?

Not the Historical Hamilton

Not the Musical Hamilton

Not the Fanfiction Hamilton(s)

Who am I?

This is where this Federalist papers poem

Co-mingles with an Reynolds Paper poem

Part of what I expressed in a letter mailed

To Lin-Manuel in a moment of darkness

Hamilton and You

Speak to how little time we are given to make a difference

What is your advice?

When instead of too much life to fit into the time I have

It seems there is too much time for the life I have

Don’t worry

I have family and friends

And I will never choose

To make them sing

Their own version of

“It’s Quiet Uptown”

“Working through the unimaginable”

I will #AlwaysKeepFighting

Because that is what is requested of me by my various fandoms

And by you and all those I admire

And I never want to break your hearts

And when I write for others

The comfort and hope

Flows from my pen

That I don’t always find inside for myself

Lin-Manuel Miranda

You are Loved

Each atom of your being

Each thought in your head

Each dream of your soul

Is Loved, Is Loved, Is Loved

But When I ponder

“Who lives, Who dies, Who tells your story”

I am remarkable ready for someone else to tell my story

And find despite only being in my early 30’s

It feels there is a too infinite number of tomorrows

Before my story is finished

As a writer I would never ask

Where your ideas come from

But instead I ask questions

With even more nebulous answers

Where does your passion for life come from?

How does someone see themselves through the eyes of others?

Where should we look when the world is amazing: But it feels too sweet?

Like something which, while is wonderful, feels like it has gone on a bit too long?

And I know this poem

Is a moment of personal privilege

And in the morn

I will face the day

And experience its joy and magic

Until the next time

My soul cries out

Against the heaviness of Time

And I wonder how long this journey will be

Not sure what magic words

What dream worlds or answers

I hoped to find via this poem

But I feel like I have to let

These Words

Go blowing in the wind

And see where the wind takes them

And hope as the writer of Hamilton

You somehow understand

What I am saying

It is said

"All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king."

Who am I?

A wanderer?

One of the Lost?

A light?

A shadow?

Something in-between?

Reader?

Who am I?

Can you pin it down?

Can you tell me what my Legacy will be?

Until that time I will cling to

History and Historical Figures

Writers and actors and dreamers

The hopes of others

The fears of others

The dreams of others

I fear that Hamilton would tell me

“We studied and we fought and we killed

For the notion of a nation we now get to build

For once in your life, take a stand with pride

I don’t understand how you stand to the side”

But I stand here

And time feels like a Hurricane

Just on the horizon

Sometimes all I can do

Is put one foot in front of the other

One foot in front of the other

And taking a stand

Is just something which I cannot do

I don’t always know how to

Build a life

Build a country

Build my life

My America

My place of Birth

My I don’t know what you are

I will tell you what I hope to gain

From the study of you

I seek an Eliza

I seek a Hamilton

I seek an Angelica

I seek a Washington, a John Laurens

So I will read

And get lost in books

And get lost in stories

Of Yesterday and Today

I seek the wisdom

Each morning of Lin-Manuel posts

Reminding us to Live

That we are all important

That life is to be cherished

Interspersed with “Music, love, and pride”

I seek the wisdom

To “Make Good Art”

I seek the wisdom

To “Write what you feel”

I seek the wisdom

“Stay Weird”

I seek things which cannot be put into words

A pat on a shoulder which touches my core

Which can still be felt months later

Someone to lean on

A purpose

Which is deep enough to touch

My heart and mind and soul

Seeking a different time and place

Where it feels like

We are standing on the cusp of something

Something different

Something magical

Something powerful and maybe awe inspiring

Now I think I will leave this here

Since I am getting as wordy as Hamilton himself

And I think I have lost the thread

So in the end

I ask you

I request from you

I need to know

The answers to a few questions

How do you (Live) like tomorrow won’t arrive?

How do you (Live) like you need it to survive?

How do you (Live) ev’ry second you’re alive?

Ev’ry second you’re alive? Ev’ry second you’re alive?

How do you write like tomorrow won’t arrive?

How do you write like you need it to survive?

How do you write ev’ry second you’re alive?

Ev’ry second you’re alive? Ev’ry second you’re alive?

How do you (Live) like tomorrow won’t arrive?

How do you (Live) like you need it to survive?

How do you (Live) ev’ry second you’re alive?

Ev’ry second you’re alive? Ev’ry second you’re alive?

(How) do you write like you’re running out of time?

(Live) day and night like you’re running out of time?

Ev’ry day you fight, like you’re running out of time?

Because in the end

I hold these truths to be self-evident

A story shared

A story shouted

A story whispered in the Dark

Is a truth better understood?

So here in this moment

Is my soul

Bared for you

Given to you

Hamilton

Notes:

Large sections of this poem come directly from the lyrics of musical Hamilton,

Other Quotes come from Lin-Manuel, Neil Gaiman, Robbie Thompson, Graham Moore and Lord of the Rings