Speaking Up About Supports Is Important

(Photo by Dreaming Ace)

I am neurodivergent, and personally, I know that I can struggle to recognize and name what supports would be useful for me in different situations. I think this comes from the fact that I masked so long before knowing I was neurodivergent, so I am used to simply figuring out how to manage instead of trying to figure out how I can thrive in such situations. Yesterday I was able to recognize the usefulness of certain supports (in this case using a walking/hiking stick when I was dealing with a cold). I then decided to share what supports I used with a wider audience as part of my daily #selfcarechronicle on Instagram. 

As I wrote yesterday:

Today #selfcarechronicle was both

Another wonderful @threeavenuesbookshop summer reading challenge park meetup (and let's say there were some very active, inquisitive and entertaining kids and young adults running around the park tonight 😂😆😂)

AND

Celebrating personal supports. I have been fighting a cold or something so not feeling 💯 and since today was at the farthest park in the park meetup loop I both took the brown line and brought a walking stick I had.

Felt a little silly using a walking stick but it made walking easier which is the point of all supports making life easier. And I think we need to more often share what supports we use with others. Celebrating 🎉 supports helps us all.

What did you do for #selflove today?

What did you do for #joy today?

My #carechronicle is based on ones #wentworthmiller used to do on social media

I got enough positive feedback about my Instagram post that I decided to expand it into this blog post. As I wrote, I will say at first I felt a bit silly using a walking stick (which I found for free in my ally years ago) because I didn't feel that horrible, just a little off balance. The fact that I felt this doubt about using a support that I already had (I didn't have to ask anyone for it) and which no one in Chicago was going to care I was using made me realize that we collectively need to start to speak out more about the supports we use, especially those we only use some of the time. 

For me, speaking out meant including my walking stick in my Instagram photo and pointing out the reason it was there. In other cases, it might be explaining that I am going to be stimming by swaying side to side and making sure I am not blocking someone else. For someone else, it might be explaining why they have coloring/writing materials at an event because it helps them focus. The more everyone is open about the supports they are using, the more we all can be supported. 

Figuring out what supports are useful, finding those supports, and then being encouraged to use those supports freely is really hard to do as an individual, but collectively we have a better chance of crowdsourcing our way into thriving. It does not matter if we need such supports only today or if we need them every day; we should strive to create a world where using the supports we need to thrive becomes the norm for everyone.

How Do We Define Idolizing?

A friend on Facebook shared the blog post Please Don’t Idolize Me (or Anyone, Really) by John Scalzi which is an interesting read but led me to the question how do we define idolizing?

For example:

There are a number of characters (or non-fictional people I have created fictionalized personas of inside my head) who have become deeply embedded into how I navigate the world. I often talk about how they are my parasocial support network. No matter what I am experiencing or how I need to get that experience out of myself, they are there for me inside my imagination (or inside the fanfiction I read).

They are malleable enough to always be what I need, whether that is someone who has had a similar experience, someone to give me a hug, someone who will patiently help me brainstorm how to improve my executive functioning, or simply someone to help me name my own experience, etc.

I do not see these people as perfect as in without flaws, but sometimes I do see them as "situationally perfect," as in this person has talked about having similar experiences to me, and therefore I feel like they are "perfectish" for understanding what I need in this situation.

I feel like I get a similar level of comfort from these people as those who are said to "idolize" others. Which goes back to my original question: How do we define idolizing?

• Is going back to a particular quote or speech whenever I have forgotten how to be human or how to exist considered idolizing?
• Is using characters/fictional personas to center myself when I need a safe space to express what I am feeling considered idolizing?
• Is knowing that the versions of people inside my head are always available for a deep-pressure hug or simply to hold me as we sit in silence considered idolizing?

I agree that we should not "idolize" others, as in think they are perfect, never make poor choices, never do anything wrong, but I also know that as someone who can struggle to connect with other people, I tend to deeply embed people (characters and non-fictional people I have created fictionalized personas of in my imagination) into my reality, and honestly, I am not sure how I would navigate a world where that was not true.

High Hopes For A "Gentle, Gentle" August

 

July ended up being overwhelming and overstimulating for me for a number of reasons. By the end of the month, my mental health was struggling. So I was really grateful when, at the start of August, I saw a post by Chasten Buttigieg about him and Pete canvassing for Harris, and he chose to use "High Hopes" as the music that went along with the post. Pete's song really feels like a good anthem for August for me. 

I’m starting August with High Hopes*

By Dreaming Ace

I’m starting August with High Hopes*

Thank you Chasten for using it in a post

Being reminded of the joy of My Pete’s song** 

Feels like an amazing way to start a new month

May High Hopes help bring shifting

May High Hopes help bring energizing

May High Hopes help bring “Gentle, Gentle”**

May High Hopes help bring centeredness

May High Hopes help bring rootedness

High Hopes is the joyful noise that I need to hear

To Reboot my mental health, Reboot my physical body, 

Reboot my hope and dreams and desires and vision too

Reboot, Renew, Refresh every single bit of my tired being

High Hopes is the joyful noise that I need to hear

May High Hopes help bring shifting

May High Hopes help bring energizing

May High Hopes help bring “Gentle, Gentle”

May High Hopes help bring centeredness

May High Hopes help bring rootedness

I’m starting August with High Hopes*

Thank you Chasten for using it in a post

Being reminded of the joy of My Pete’s song** 

Feels like an amazing way to start a new month

*https://youtu.be/fH_OnJk6QqU?si=nETzTmtEemeJvjez

** Pete Buttigieg used the song High Hopes in his 2020 campaign run

*** From a Instagram post by Wentworth Miller from a few years ago

I was also reminded of Pete’s “Rules of the Road.” I am going to try to incorporate Pete’s “Rules of the Road.” into my August. For example, I am hanging up my "Rules of the Road" poster once again. I am grateful that my Pete has been getting lots of press recently as a possible VP candidate. While I have no idea how that will sort itself out, I know the Pete will thrive anywhere. Being reminded of "High Hopes" and the "Rules of the Road" was exactly what I needed. I feel like if I have "High Hopes" and I have Pete’s “Rules of the Road,” I am likely to have a much more "gentle, gentle" August than my July ended up being. 

Pete’s “Rules of the Road”

By Dreaming Ace

Was recently reminded 

Of Pete’s “Rules of the Road”

The rules that we used to

Guide us, Guide our actions 

Guide us through politics

Guide us through life itself

Guide us to be our best selves

Pete’s “Rules of the Road”

Respect, 

Belonging, 

Truth, 

Teamwork, 

Boldness, 

Responsibility, 

Substance, 

Discipline, 

Excellence, 

And Joy

A ton may have changed

Since 2020 but still I think

These rules of the road

Are a great place to start

I am going to try to determine

How I can focus on these rules

Over the course of this August

To Reboot, Renew, Refresh