"Gentle, Gentle" + "Hell Yes" Holidays

 

We are in the middle of the holiday season, and I am so glad this Wentworth Miller quote once again came across my Instagram feed. Although I generally enjoy this time of year, I have always found it to be overstimulating and overwhelming, even when I didn't have the words to express it (for example, unlike most kids, I always wanted to sleep in on Christmas, believing that Santa could leave the gifts while I rested, as I was exhausted from a season filled with holiday activities).

We can experience a whole host of sometimes conflicting emotions during this time of year. Right now I am experiencing burnout from a year where all my normal patterns and routines were constantly being thrown away. And on top of that, the universe often felt like it was melting like a Salvador Dalí painting. I was starting to feel more stressed about the upcoming busy holiday season than I was feeling excited. 

So I have decided to have a "gentle, gentle" holiday season. For me this includes minimizing my end-of-year to-do list and being strategic with what activities I do. I cannot physically or mentally do every possible holiday activity occurring in Chicago this year. I am going to try to lean into "Hell Yes." "Hell Yes" is a book I traditionally read on Dec 31st every year to prep for the new year, but the premise is very short: if any activity is not a "Hell Yes," then it's a "Hell No"—no middle ground.

Now I also know I struggle to identify my "spoon"/energy levels at any given moment, but since I know I tend to overcommit, I plan on focusing on whether my plans sound reasonable. For example, tonight I am planning on going to an event for writers at the library even though I am exhausted from having to wake up early the last few days so I could cat-sit, but I don't plan on going to a random free concert at the library tomorrow. While holiday music is always fun, there are several other concerts coming up I can try for, and I know I need a day to rest and not have plans.

So no matter if you love the holidays or hold your breath during them because you find them to be overstimulating and stressful, consider having a "Gentle, Gentle," "Hell Yes" holiday season. Instead of focusing on everything you could do, focus on what you can say no to so you can rest and end up enjoying the holiday season more this year. 

Praising Parasocial Relationships ...

The Cambridge Dictionary's 2025 word of the year is "parasocial." Sadly, parasocial relationships are often considered somehow inherently "unhealthy" or "less than" non-parasocial relationships. Yes, parasocial relationships, just like any other type of relationship, can be toxic, but I find that my parasocial relationships provide me much-needed support and encouragement.

I have a parasocial support network made up of actors, characters, and even personifications of spaces (such as Three Avenues Bookshop), which helps me navigate the world when it otherwise is a bit overwhelming or overstimulating.

I recognize that the version of these individuals that I interact with within my parasocial support network is different from their real-life counterparts, and maybe that is the key distinction between a healthy and an unhealthy parasocial relationship: knowing which version of an individual you are interacting with.

My parasocial support network is available 24/7 to process a thought, feeling, or experience, and it is always there for me to bounce ideas off of or provide me wisdom. My parasocial network understands what support I need, whether that is help talking through something, giving me a big hug, or sitting quietly holding space for me to simply be.

Since the individuals who make up my parasocial support network live within my imagination, they have a deeper understanding of my experience than others do, even close friends and family. I do not have to worry about always having to be able to verbally articulate what I am experiencing because they simply understand.

So for me personally, my parasocial support network is a very healthy part of my life and provides me support and social connections when I don't have the "spoons"/"energy" to deal with real-life people.

30 Ways To Be Generous This November

 

This is a tough season; the days are getting shorter, the weather is getting colder, and many of us are facing skyrocketing healthcare premiums and loss of other benefits. Since all the challenges we face can paralyze me, personally I am intentionally focusing on being generous this November. Here are 30 ways you can be generous this month, as we all head into the busy holiday season.

• Donate money to a food pantry
• Donate unexpired food to a food pantry
• Volunteer at a food pantry
• Share old toys on a Buy Nothing Group
• Donate old toys to resale shops so parents can get holiday gifts for their kids
• Sort through any kids books you have, if they are in perfect shape donate to a toys for tots etc.
• Sort though your books if they are in good but not perfect shape donate to a little library, or towards a library book sale.
• Share household goods you don't use with a Buy Nothing Group
• Share coupons or deals you won't use with a Buy Nothing Group
• Donate new unopened care supplies to a Care Cubby
• Donate craft supplies 
• Buying from street vendors 
• Donating to a street vendor relief fund
• Donate extra winter hats, scarfs, gloves, unopened socks, unopened underwear 
• Donate clothes or coats you no longer wear or that kids have outgrown
• If you are part of a musical group talk to a local migrant, immigrant, women, homeless, senior centers etc. about coming to perform this season
• Write notes of encouragement to share with people you interact with friends, family, grocery store clerks, librarians, bus drivers, etc.
• Adopting a local family
• Choosing a family off a gift tree
• Donate money to a migrant center
• Donate items to a migrant center
• Volunteer at a migrant center
• Donate the item you never returned to the store
• Share on a Buy Nothing Group any old tech that works but you don't use
• Bake for friends or family or neighbors
• Contact someone you haven't chatted with in a while (call, text, email etc.)
• Support your local small businesses
• Buy gift cards, one free (fill in the item) coupons, etc. to share with those who are unhoused
• Volunteer your professional services
• Be kind to those around you, give everyone a little extra grace this season, know everyone is struggling right now

"Shop" Your Home: 9 DIY Holiday Ideas

It is not yet Halloween, but I know many of us are already planning ahead for the holiday season. And if you go by the displays in the stores, the holidays are already here. This has been a really challenging year, and if you can treat yourself with premade holiday sets, go ahead, but for those of us who can't afford to do so, one lovely alternative is to "shop" our homes for items we can set aside for an affordable and festive holiday season.

Donations:

I tend to do a lot of fall cleaning and organizing to get my spaces set for the New Year. As I sort categories of items, I am planning on putting the equivalent of one item per day aside to donate to various good causes or to simply give away. I will end up with a more manageable space, and others will get holiday treats.

Warm Beverages:

Many years ago during a post-holiday sale, I got a countdown to Christmas tea box. Now it is my tradition to refill the box each year with assorted tea I have. If you don't have a fancy box, you can still choose to mindfully sip the tea, coffee, or hot chocolate you do have.

Sweet Treats:

As I am going on my various Halloween adventures, I am going to set aside some of the candy I collect, so I have small sweet treats all holiday season. Knowing I get a couple random surprise pieces of candy each day is something I am looking forward to.

Craft Supplies:

If you are a crafter, you are likely to have lots of craft supplies you have forgotten about. You might color one page in a coloring book each day, do one craft kit per week, or just look at a different craft book each day for inspiration.

Seasonings:

I happen to have several unopened spices on my overflow shelf. I plan on grabbing one per day during the holiday season, both to have neat little surprises and so I have a better sense of what I have. 

Creative Cooking Projects:

I have a lot of shelf-stable staples from various places, including random items from my local Buy Nothing group, and my plan for this holiday season is to actually use some of those items in creative cooking projects.

Read/Listen/Watch:

We all can read one holiday story, listen to one holiday song or podcast, or watch one holiday special each day to feel festive.

Use Scented Items:

I have a number of scented items—candles, room sprays, air fresheners, etc.—that I plan on using throughout the holiday season because I should enjoy them now, not just save them for "someday."

Bath and Beauty Samples:

Over the years I have collected a number of bath and beauty samples, lotions, creams, etc., and since I find Nov and Dec tend to be very outward-focused and social, my plan is to use them in January when I can focus inwardly.

No Kings Protest October 18th

 

How can you make a difference right now?

Going to your nearest No Kings Protest Saturday

Find your local protest here https://www.nokings.org/#map

While going to a No Kings Protest is important, for some of us, it is just not possible to do so. 

You can still help even if you can't physically make it to the protest on Saturday. 

Here is a list of 33 other actions you could do to make a difference.

1. Sharing info about the No Kings Protest with others
2. Sharing with others why No Kings Protests are important to you
3. Sharing with friends and family what issues you care deeply about 
4. Attending a Know Your Rights Training
5. Make whistle kits to alert neighbors when ICE agents are nearby
6. Distribute Know Your Rights Cards to those who might need them
7. If you own a Little Library include know your rights cards and whistles
8. Joining Red Wine and Blue or sending letters through Vote Forward 
9. Supporting free speech/Supporting a free press
10. Sharing your own families immigration story with others
11. Documenting/Sharing photos or video of what is happening in your community
12. If you are a writer, writing poems, blog posts, letters, social media posts
13. If you are an visual artist, making art (e,g, Melting Democracy Ice Sculpture) 
14. If you are a singer or song writer, writing protest anthems
15. If you are a historian, helping put what is happening into context for others
16. Following Heather Cox Richardson on social media or subscribe for her daily letter
17. Keeping a journal about what is happening for future historians
18. Refreshing your basic Spanish language skills
19. Walking around in wonderfully ridiculous blow up costumes
20. Being out in your community (the more people the harder it is for ICE to disappear people)
21. Writing, calling, or emailing your elected officials
22. Keeping your elected officials accountable for their actions/votes
23. Attending community meetings and speaking up about what matters to you
24. Supporting independent journalism
25. Donating money, time, or material goods to causes you care about
26. Offering to do errands/chores if someone does not feel safe doing so
27. Dreaming up what you want the future to look like
28. Find a local election you care about and volunteer to get the word out about it
29. Read the US Constitution
30. Finding community to support you so you don't feel isolated or alone in the work
31. Making "Good Trouble"
32. Taking care of yourself so that you are better able to care for your community
33. Remembering none of us is alone in having mental health struggles right now

World Mental Health Day

 

Today Is World Mental Health Day

By Dreaming Ace

Today is World Mental Health Day

A day to honor our own mental health

And that of our friends, family, and neighbors

In these challenging times

In these challenging times

Be "gentle, gentle" with yourself

While being "gentle, gentle" with others too

Breathing in, Breathing out, 

Breathing in, Breathing out

Knowing that we are not alone

We are not alone in our mental health struggles 

In this challenging time, Breathe in, Breathe out

In this challenging time, Breathe in, Breathe out

No matter if we are in crisis, struggling, surviving, thriving, or excelling 

We can find small doable ways to show ourselves self care, self love 

These are challenging times, Yet we can still breathe in, breathe out

These are challenging times, Yet we can still breathe in, breathe out

Today is World Mental Health Day

A day to honor our own mental health

And that of our friends, family, and neighbors

 

Resources via Mental Health Collation

Self Love As The Multiverse Implodes

By Dreaming Ace

The multiverse seems to be shattering

These are really challenging times for me, for you, for us all

ICE Kidnapping people right off the streets of my Chicago

Government shutdowns, health insurance increases 

So many ways the multiverse is imploding

And yet self kindness, self care, self love

Is important as the multiverse melts like one of Dali's clocks

It is not selfish to need a break

It is not selfish to feel overwhelmed

It is not selfish to care for yourself

"You can not pour from an empty cup"

Practice self care

Feel your feelings

Reach out and connect

"You can not pour from an empty cup"

Self love can be a form of justice

Self love can be a form of resistance

Self love can be a way to know that we are not alone

We are not alone is seeking justice

We are not alone

What can self love look like in these times?

Dreaming up a new and better future for us all

Creating art to help us and others process what is happening

Being thoughtful about how we are really doing

Determining what we can contribute to the stone soup of justice

  We Are Not Alone...

By Dreaming Ace

We are not alone

If we are feeling overwhelmed

We are not alone

We are not alone

If we are feeling overstimulated

We are not alone

We are not alone

If we feel terrified

We are not alone

We are not alone

If we feel frozen

We are not alone

We are not alone

If we feel angry

We are not alone

We are not alone

If hope seems impossible

We are not alone

We are not alone

If we have forgotten how to dream

We are not alone

We are not alone

If we feel like everything is too much

We are not alone

We are not alone

We are never alone

No matter what we are feeling

There are others who feel the same way

And there is comfort in that understanding

Magical October Plans

Fall is finally here (hopefully bringing some cooler weather), and we have reached the magical month of October. I plan to do some daily Halloween activities, have a "Buy Nothing-ish*" October, and pamper myself, all while juggling a ton of cat sitting. 

Daily Halloween Activities:

During the month of October I try to do something "Halloween" (or fall) related every day. This year that will include activities such as:

Terror Tuesday's at the Chicago Public Library which are amazing lectures around the history of horror films. Each year has a different theme and this year we are exploring global horror (horror from Italy, Canada, Spain, and Asia) as well as various other Halloween events at the Chicago Public Library.

After Dark: Myths, Misdeeds & the Paranormal a fun podcast that I enjoy

And this year I'm trying the new to me The Every Day is Halloween Podcast

"Buy Nothingish*" October

Right now I have a ton of food in my apartment, and I feel like working on eating my stores down makes sense. For example, from various sources (mainly my local Buy Nothing group), I currently have enough oatmeal packets to have overnight oats or oatmeal for breakfast for at least the rest of this year and probably a good chunk of next year too, LOL. I also have a ton of shelf-stable food and coupons for various free items that I should actually try to use. My goals are to reduce my spending, creatively use some of the various sauces/spices/flavorings I have, and make room in my cupboards, pantry, freezer, etc. This way I can enjoy fresh items for the holiday season and New Year.

*Not including bills, transit, etc., nor assorted free item coupons I have, plus if I need an item or two, that is not a big deal.

Pampering Myself:

I recognize that with all the cat sitting I will be doing this month (27+ days), I need to make sure I am pampering myself and focusing on self-love. I plan on taking some long walks and doing some online fitness and meditation, as well as using lotion and burning some candles. There is no right way to pamper yourself, but October may be a good month to do so since Nov and Dec tend to be very busy with holiday activities, and feeling rested, centered, and rooted now will help make Nov and Dec go smoother.